Happy Birthday Mi!!

27 at last....
It's my birthday today, yeaaa!!!!

Funny, this year, more than ever, I miss family and childhood friends.
I realised this a few months back, sitting at brunch with friends here. Someone else in the group had a birthday in January too, and there was a lot of discussion and suggestions for what to do for the birthday. No mention of mine.
To be honest, it didn't hurt then as much as it hurts now. Mainly, because in the last 72hrs, I've had a number of people ask mi 'what do you plan to do for your birthday.'
Odd.
For the first time in my life, I am faced with that dilemma. And now, even more, I miss those who know mi best.

But it's my birthday so nope, I can't be sad :)

I am grateful.

Grateful for the life I've had the privilege of living till now. Grateful for the opportunities and blessing that have been bestowed upon mi. Grateful for good health, shelter, food, an appetite, working body parts, parents, siblings, friends....truly grateful.

I don't know what the rest of the day will look like, but I am at least grateful I don't have to work today and can continue my annual tradition of having my birthday as a public-private holiday. I love winter because my two favourite holidays - Christmas and Jan 3rd - fall in the season.

Here is to a wonderful and spectacular new year, filled with lots of heavenly surprises, laughter and happiness!!

Here is to mi at 27!!

Happy birthday Mi!!!!

xoxo

The Case of Xavier: #trippn4lucifer

8 years ago some guy crashed into my life. Sept 22nd 2007 to be precise, and disappeared Jan 3rd. I don't recall if it was the 3rd in 2008 or 2009. We shared a birthday, or so he said, and that makes it kind of hard to forget. 

I say crashed and disappeared cause thats essentially what happened. Till now, I still feel Xavier, I won't use his real name (if that indeed was), was a figment of my imagination/an elaborate prank by my friend. 

Why?? 

Because I never met him. Never spoke to him on the phone. And when he disappeared, the only form of contact I had with him, emails, did not exist as a yahoo account. Aside from the emails I did not delete from him, it's hard to tell someone this story ever took place in reality. 

How did we begin??

I don't remember the exact words, but I got a yahoo messenger IM from an email account called 'trippn4lucifer'. I didn't know anyone with this user name, or by the name he introduced himself as (initially) - Xavier Baker. But this person seemed to know some things about mi. We started a guessing game, which quickly escalated into mi getting mad cause I realized it wasn't someone I knew, figuring out he stole my email address from a friend, and finally succumbing to his pleas to be friends. 

This was a while back, so I can't claim to recall all the details. I know we would chat for hours sometimes about nothing in particular. I know I spent a majority of time getting angry at him, but I can't ever remember why. I never saw his face or heard his voice, and the names he gave me were quite unbelievable to mi.

The one thing Xavier told mi was that he was terminally ill. He lived in the hospital most of his life. At 19, he had spent most of his life waiting to die. I remember this cause I came across an email I sent to him, mad at him for saying he was waiting to die. He never said what illness it was. The secrets with this kid were so many. And don't get mi started on his family situation. At this point, I don't mention it out loud because I started to believe watching a lot of movies over the years got my memories muddled up - that is how ludicrous the story is. 

On January 3rd, my birthday, I got a call telling mi Xavier was dead. He apparently decided to donate a kidney for his dad. His father made it through, but Xavier didn't. I checked my email and saw that he had sent mi a message a few days before, telling mi/asking mi if the surgery was a good idea. Then deciding to do it and saying he was 'sorry if he didn't come back' or something to that effect. I tried sending a message back, because naturally, I didn't want to believe this ghost friend I had was gone. In response, I got a 'mail delivery failure' from Yahoo. 

My relationship with Xavier was, for lack of a better word, warped. There was no opening, no middle point, no climax and no closure. It feels like something that happened and didn't happen at the same time. Half the time I am convinced I imagined it all, then I am convinced my friends pulled a fast one on mi. Then I am sure, also backed by the intriguing details of his family, that he was erased, as opposed to died. Sometimes I think I will run into him in life - which is a scary thought because there is a chance that he would know what I look like, but I definitely would not know what he looks like. 

He told mi, many times after we hadn't talked in a bit, that he knew I missed him, even though I never would, could or planned on admitting it to himself, myself or anyone else. What I find curious however, is that years latter, maybe beginning in 2011, I did find myself missing this ghost character. I can't tell you the first thing about this person - not his name for instance, or, with 100% accuracy, that he is a guy. But still every year, on this day, I remember X.B, E.M (the first letter of the names I knew him by), the silly kid who sat at her desk chatting away silly, and I say a happy birthday to both of us - if indeed it is his birthday. 

xo 

Where hearts have crossed

A star has fallen

To give rise to a new season

Where lips have touched

A spark is arisen

With every doubt cascading

Where love is lost

A flame flickers out

In hope of another tomorrow

Where bliss is attained

A new life awaits

Where two make a vow

Where for worse, poorer, or in sickness

"till death..." keeps the promise................

                                   - sent by Xavier Baker (2007)