Hand on my shoulder....

Hey, 

It's been a while since you've drifted through my mind, even longer since I remembered the last interaction - ironically the first in months - we ever had. The way we abruptly ended taught me that I never wanted to have any regrets in life. You leaving hurt just as everyone else's did; except more because I never got to know "why." Our friend knows why, or at least she says she does. But wouldn't it be silly and selfish of mi to ask her about it now, 12 years later?? I'm sure she loved you more, or at least in a different way than I did. I'm okay now though. The pain, guilt, regret, hurt....all those are gone. I smile now when I think of you. Not a happy smile, more wishful in nature, but not sad either. I've also learned to let go when I can't figure out how, when or why someone is upset with mi and would not say....well that depends on the someone. Because heaven knows that if I had the chance back then and now, I would stalk you like I did before to make up with you, get you to smile and laugh with mi once more. I would give anything to know that my worst fears, the words I was told back then are not true, and that you are in deed fine and resting peacefully. Anything to know that I would definitely see you smile and laugh again. 

xo

Mi

Japan: Last Moments

Today marks exactly a month till my departure from Japan. Japan has been my home in my heart for years, and in all sense of the word this past year. Living here this last year, has felt like being on a retreat. 

I've laughed, learned new things, discovered myself, learned to love myself and gained my confidence back.

I've learned I love living alone, but I hate eating alone. 

I've learned I think children are adorable, as long as they don't come in a mob.

To be honest, the thought of leaving scares mi. Worse than after SIU. I'm not only leaving without a firm plan in place, but the safety, seclusion and tranquility I've come to love about my home. The friends and family I've adopted. And the thought that I won't come live here again. 

But still happy to being visiting the many places lined up. 

Happy to have had all those experiences. 

And mostly happy God saw it fit to let mi experience it all. 

No Regrets. Ever.