Unwanted....

I wish I was drunk. You would think half a bottle of vodka and about 4 bottles of ice would do the trick but sadly, I am still lacking....I am not pissed. Don't have a right to be. I feel.... more like I feel sick. Sick to the point that I want to throw up. Sick to the point I want to kill myself. Don't feel the need to tell the total reason why, so I would focus on what triggered this post.
Today the feeling came back. I walked beside her and I felt like pushing her into the road every time a car came by. Does that make mi bad?? I think I can say she is the first one I have had a Love/Hate relationship with.... Its not a 100%that I hate her, and its not 100% that I love her....I really am tired. lol.
Oh in case you were wondering, I am in Vegas.
Do I hate her?? No. I have managed to form one of those friendships which is based on 99% lies and 1% truth.... you know the ones restricted to women only....
At this juncture, I do hate myself and am going to bed.... night