Fairytales: The Ballad of Lovers

She looks over at him, and he turns to her with a knowing smile.
He looks over at her, and she turns to him with a knowing smile.
The breath in him is the reason she breathes.
The breath in her is the reason he breathes.
Suffocating together.
Suffocating apart.
Suffocating.
Suffocating.

He touches her hand lightly, and she hears the words in his soul.
She touches his hand lightly, and he hears the words in her soul.
The words from his lips are the reason she moves.
The words from her lips are the reason he moves.
Paralysing together.
Paralysed apart.
Paralysing.
Paralysed.

They hold each other and watch as the sun rises, life feels complete.
They hold each other and watch the stars fall, forever now complete.
Picture perfect, like they dreamed, yet so fragile.
People's envy, like they do hear, yet so fragile.
Secluded together.
Secluded apart.
Secluded.
Secluded.

To stand and stare at their love from the outside, breath taking.
To stand and stare at their love from the outside, terrifying.
Their love's existence, inviting.
Their love's existence, acting.
Reality or fantasy.
Fantasy or reality.
Real fantasy.
Real fantasy.

Can I Be For A Min

Can I be sad for a minute and cry??

Nope; I told you so.

Can I feel bad for myself for just a little bit??

Nope; it would help no one.

Can I talk for a minute and unburden??

Nope; it becomes impossible to press-down.

Can I crawl under my blanket, with headphones and block it all away??

Nope; this is your reality.

Is it so much to ask that I get a reciprocal??

Yes, the world can’t be fair.

Is it so difficult to get a shoulder for a bit??

Yes, you currently can’t afford it.

Is it bad that I want to be…. so scared I cant even ask it….

Yes, must do you first.

Is it such a horrible thing when I let myself out??
Yes, you currently aren’t worth it.

Won’t it be nice to not have to say I knew it all the time??

Just as nice as it would be to predict the future.

Won’t it be nice to not have to feel this déjà vu only with an actual past always??

Just as nice as it would be to change the past.

Won’t it be nice to not have to fight the nausea constantly, unsure if its at the thought of self or others??

Just as nice as it would be to look in the mirror unforced.

Won’t it be nice to be a little secure, at least even before anything happens??

Just as nice as it would be to be free.

Is it bad to not want this constant racing heart??

Nope, but a lottery wish is easier.

Is it bad to not want this constant longing too??

Nope, but an addict’s freedom is easier to achieve.

Is it bad to not want to be the ‘no’ option all the time??

Nope, but the ugly duckling seems to have an easier luck.

Is it bad to just have the eye on mi for once, doesn't even have to be first??

Nope, but that's too pathetic for my ego to let you be.

Death of a Flower

And the flower was spotted, 
it was watered,
it was nourished. 
It grew tall and handsome. 

Strong and swayed with the wind. 

And the flower blossomed, it was beautiful. 

We all loved it, we all admired it. 

We all wanted to stand next to it. 

Then the flower died.

It was pretty,  full of brightness the other day, and now it is no more.

It was envied, standing tall with pride, and now its is no more.

It was protected, surrounded by love and affection, and now it is no more.


And the flower was born, lived and grew.
And the flower was born, grew and died. 


And the flower was. 

Happy Ending.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

And that other girl is she.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

The girl does not know it.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

She has seen this situation before.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

She was the girl in the last situation.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

'Is this reverse Karma??' She asks.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

The girl thinks of she as a friend.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

She does not know what she thinks of the girl.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

She feels a little guilty.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

But like watching a train wreck, she cant stop.

There is a boy talking to a girl and another girl.

Theres about to be two out of three happy endings. 

Fated Love

    Just watched a Korean movie (won't give the name to avoid spoiling it for those who might see it) that involved two star crossed lovers who, in my opinion, defied fate, and forced themselves together. They started off as both guys, but A couldn't handle the pressure from people and broke it off. B was so distraught, and after a lot of in betweens - involving him joining the army, getting raped several times cause he was super girly - he had a sex change and became woman (the woman that acted as him was too gorgeous by the way). However, a series of murders ensued - involving those who had raped B, and B became the suspect. A, now a cop, began searching for B. When he found him, now her, B turned out to be his current girlfriend. So even now that A and B were okay in the eyes of everyone, they still couldn't be together because B was now a 'murderer' (though whether or not he was the true killer in the end still remains a mystery. The movie ends rather ambiguously, and the jury is still out on that matter). Rather than get caught by the police - B for 'murder' and A for both aiding and abetting and, as it turns out, murder (he killed the last of the rapists) - the two did the ever famous Shinju or 'Lover's Suicide'. 

    I know the story is rather confusing, but its not so complex in the actual film. Anyway, this got mi thinking about the cycle of love. What kind of force, so powerful, it drives one to defy all grounds, including fate, for another?? As both guys, they could not be together because it is 'immoral'. I am not going to comment on the issue of homosexuality before this turns into a verbal war, but I think its so sad they had to be persecuted simply because they chose to 'love' each other. 

Then B went as far as becoming female just to stop the persecution. Fate, however, was not on their side. B had to have gotten raped prior, and was now the suspect of the murders A was investigating. Once more, in the eyes of society, their 'love' was immoral. And so the two chose to die together. 

    It seemed to mi their 'love' was originally not written in the stars. yet they believed in this 'love' so much so that the chose to die together rather than live apart. So I ask, this force called 'love', why is it worth so much, than one would chose the unknown in death, over an existence save 'love'?? Many people would say I have never been in 'love' so I won't know. Granted I did come close to it once, and that hurt like hell. Why would I then go so far for something that seems to mi, from several indications, to hurt more often than not?? They say when you find 'true love', you are happiest. But from what I've seen, the quest to find 'true love' is like playing the lottery. 99% of the time you don't get lucky, and you get broker and broker as the game goes on. Yet you continue to play in the hope that the next one is the right one. Can't that be classified as a senseless battle??

    Granted, it can be argued that finding 'true love' is a risk, like playing the lottery is a risk, and whats life without risks?? But not all risks are so heart wrenching. Fine, the really good things in life are the onces you have to take the bigger risk for....but at the same time, the damage you get from 'love' seems more deadly than that from other risks, as well as less worth the possible benefit....

But then again, everyone might be right in saying I won't know till I am in the same position. 

Does that make mi Horrible??

In all my years, I have finally come to realize something. I am not good with distance period. Not just in relationships - boy/girl ish - but in general. With friends, family, humans in general....and I guess that is a bad thing. Its almost like 'out of sight, out of mind'. I guess its because a while back I got accustomed to the philosophy that everyone leaves, and to protect myself from getting hurt, I let them go as they do. Yeah I gather it is totally selfish of mi to do that, but at the same time, isn't everyone selfish in some areas?? Doesn't everyone who tries to protect him/herself have an element of selfishness in them to have that accomplished?? 

The question isn't if I am or am not right now, but if I want to do something about it. 

And my answer is I don't know.

For one thing, a relationship is a two way thing. So if you notice i am pulling away, albeit unintentionally, and you let mi go, doesn't that make my philosophy proven then?? But at the same time, there are those people who do try to keep in touch....but still I feel the relationship slipping away. 

But at the same time, there are those people who I have had a completely long distance relationship with, and we are still fine. So does that mean they are more important to mi?? I'd like to think not....

....Weird huh....

Mi and relationships is like going to see a good movie. Even though you don't want it to, at some point, the movie does come to an end. You walk out with mixed feelings. A little sad it is over, but then you smile as you remember the good moments. And though the movie is over, you will always smile when you think about it. Doesn't that mean the movie is important to you?? Does it make it less important than the series you watch continuously?? No right?? I mean they are both types of 'screen shows' but they are different. 

I dont know, I guess am rambling. Partly cause I thought of a few friends I have not kept in contact with and felt a little guilty. Also partly because I am at a cross road in life and everyone is looking at mi and waiting for mi to make a decision. And I am sitting here wondering if it is okay for mi to be selfish in my decision. I mean in my head I understand, but in my heart, I know I want to be selfish. I guess I learned the hard way already that ultimately, I control my own happiness. Shouldn't it be okay for mi to choose what makes mi happy, despite the fact that others might not like it??

Does that make mi a horrible person??

Heartless

So it occurred to mi recently that I had not been here in a while. Since this used to be my escape pane, I wanted my come back to be something flashy and all. Or so I thought. While in the middle of my pondering, I had an encounter that got mi thinking.
He said I was cold hearted, in so many words, and now am quite sad.

So cheers to all the heartless ones out there....the next poem to come is for you.

Unwanted....

I wish I was drunk. You would think half a bottle of vodka and about 4 bottles of ice would do the trick but sadly, I am still lacking....I am not pissed. Don't have a right to be. I feel.... more like I feel sick. Sick to the point that I want to throw up. Sick to the point I want to kill myself. Don't feel the need to tell the total reason why, so I would focus on what triggered this post.
Today the feeling came back. I walked beside her and I felt like pushing her into the road every time a car came by. Does that make mi bad?? I think I can say she is the first one I have had a Love/Hate relationship with.... Its not a 100%that I hate her, and its not 100% that I love her....I really am tired. lol.
Oh in case you were wondering, I am in Vegas.
Do I hate her?? No. I have managed to form one of those friendships which is based on 99% lies and 1% truth.... you know the ones restricted to women only....
At this juncture, I do hate myself and am going to bed.... night