...Summer tears...

He wrote this for me, and I feel now I should let you see,
Just as he left it, so shall I let it be:

WHERE HEARTS HAVE CROSSED

A STAR HAS FALLEN

TO GIVE RISE TO A NEW SEASON

WHERE LIPS HAVE TOUCHED

A SPARK IS ARISEN

WITH EVERY DOUBT CASCADING

WHERE LOVE IS LOST

A FLAME FLICKERS OUT

IN HOPE OF ANOTHER TOMORROW

WHERE BLISS IS ATTAINED

A NEW LIFE AWAITS

WHERE TWO MAKE A VOW

WHERE FOR WORSE,POORE, OR IN SICKNESS

"TILL DEATH..." KEEPS THE PROMISE................

Did I cry? Aye, but not nearly enough...just the amount my frozen heart would let me squeeze out...
Do I mis him? Aye, not nearly over the shock...more than my frozen heart is meant to feel....

And no I dare say, we were neither lovers, nor potentially so....
Simply two people whose time clocks ticked together for a while in times past, until one ran out and the other was left yet alone again...

...Bitter-sweet Sacrifice...

My, my,
This is what I see,
My, my,
we are meant to be.
My, my,
But I'm most peculiarly,
Almost not interested in you.

My, my,
Is this real and true,
My, my,
do your dreams hunt you?
My, my,
I'm afraid to sleep,
For nightmares are all I see.

My, my,
You believe in fate?
My, my,
Is my destiny set?
My, my,
Shall I hover still,
or call it a day with a knife at my wrist.

My, my,
Its a wedding day.
My, my,
I seem to be the star.
My, my,
Shall I first say I do?
Then put the bullet through before you.

My, my,
Its a mystery still,
My, my,
Why I detest you so,
My, my,
Shall i tell the tale,
Or let you imagine what you feel.

My, my,
I do believe you're fake,
My, my,
But in my father's eyes,
My, my,
You are all there is,
And there seems should be.

My, my,
So I guess guess its time.
My, my,
For a reason I don't know why,
My, my,
That sound just wont stop,
Until I opened my eyes...

My, my,
Its your dream come true,
My, my,
I guess I lost to you.
My my,
But when I watched the blood flow,
I imagined your face when you return....

My, my,
Your dream came true,
My nightmares were real,
...And to end that, I had to kill both...

Romeo + Juliet

Would you still, knowingly, leave me,
after you know I have waited for so long?
Would you still, with a smile, leave me,
after you know how I fared the last time you were gone?

And so it came to pass,
that you walked, and I broke.
I chased after you through that field of flowers,
To me a maze, to you a memorable path.

Did you ever look back?
I think you heard me calling,
For even the birds paused to listen to my voice.
Or did you really go deaf?

Deaf to my heart's beat and the sound of my pain,
Deaf to the music of my tears and the wishes at my lips,
Deaf to the whispers in my hands, and the pleas in my knees.
But then you stopped.

I froze, afraid to take a breath least I send you aflight.
I froze, praying you finally cared more and I was done crying.
I realized. Then I ran. But it was too late.
You only paused to think, never for my sake.

The blood spread around, slowly, like it had a destination in mind,
You stared up at me then smiled, then shut your eyes to the world.
Ironic it is, isn't it, that I got my wish at the very end?
Yet I wish now that you had stared someplace else, at the sky maybe.

So you still left even after my pleas,
So like you to leave in style, making a master piece with beauty, pain and sin.
And that smile at last, you knew didn't you?
That this time I would smile and not cry for you.

I stare down the maze in my white dress,
I know you heard me, for even the annoying preacher's voice carries from a mile away,
Speaking of life, こい, heaven and hell.
I told them you fell and your wish was to dwell amongst the flowers.

Some people think I killed you, in my deranged yet psycho state.
So they try to stare me down, which would have worked in times past.
But we both know the truth you and I, sick and sweetly as it is,
It was for a dramatic reason you chose these fields,
though I wonder if you got you desired answer in the end.

So like you to draw your own conclusions, that I would be better off,
So like you to believe I would remember you for life,
So like you to be right always.
I am better off as my heart's still and my smile fixed.
I am better off as I remember you in semi-hatred, as the cause of my dead-yet-alive state.

As I set myself aflight, I wonder how it would be.
Would there be more flowers, smiles or a welcome party too?
But as I lay here still in the cold, as the darkness comes,
I understand that smile of yours at the end.
Alas my dear, It's just as anti-climatic down here, as it was watching you from up there.

I adored my Nigerian school because...

1) I made friends in high school. Not girls that hang out together because the cool girl is amongst us...real friends.

2) I had no psycho girls who pushed me over the edge daily just because I was different. Sure people were mean, but there was always someone there to stand up for you or to say stop. No absolute queen...

3) I never had to conform or compromise just to be friends with someone. As it all comes out to be in the end, it is never worth it

4) The teachers had authority...yes I hated it, but it has to be much better than authorities being in the hands of crazy kids who so do not know anything beyond their immediate sense of hatred or anger.

5) I had no serial killers, professional junkies or unidentifiable wierdos among me.

6) I got a family. Different, random, annoying and stressful...but a family none the less... Like the marines, "we care for our own". We may curse at each other, but others outside dont survive cursing at one of us.

7) There wasn't that girl or guy who got picked on to the point of insanity, suicide, murder or anything of the sort. Sure there were people picked on, but someone always stops 'pickers' or someone makes sure he or she feels needed in some way. Even if it might be 'using' them, in a weird way, it is still a reason to keep on living, and it is not done so clearly with a "Using you" stamp.

8) You can't look back and truly say "I hated high school" totally!!

9) There was a corner at some part in the school I felt home...

10) The only other place I think I would want to have gone to high school might be Japan...and that might just be because I want the experience...

...Kurosagi...Kurosagi...

*Spoiler alert: If you plan on watching the Japanese series Kurosagi, then don't read this...I truly did adore this series...just wanted to get it out there...
So in the end, Katsuragi was simply playing a game. Many people play games with life, but think of it only as a one round event, but with Katsuragi, I adore the fact that there was a reset button. When Kurosagi got caught, in every other persons game, that would have been game over. But Katsuragi got him out of jail (in less than 24hrs), got the main villain out of town and into hiding again, and then pushed the reset button. The game began again...
Lesson learned: life is a maze of games (already knew). A big arcade of some sort. But before you play, make sure there is a reset button so you don't burn out
...bang..
MI

So Sick

I want to make this declaration...I think Yamashita Tomohisa is one of the most BEAUTIFUL (and why the hell is English so short of words when you need it not to be...) beings I have ever seen. And that is putting it mildly. I could sit and stare at his face for decades, and not find a single flaw... I mean I thought Matsumoto Jun was the height but dang.... Makes you wonder how he came to be you know? Like what do his parents look like? I mean too generations of beauties had to collide to produce him...*sigh.... I wish...

Now then...lol...

"Innocent Love"
Imagine this. You like a guy, who is in love with a girl (actually engaged to her), who is in love with another guy (her fiance's closest friend), who claims to have gone gay so she has to marry the other guy. So everyone stands in a row staring at the back of the person in front of them.
Now lets say the girl engaged has an accident and is a vegetable for three years, her fiance, being faithfully in love, prays and hopes above all things for her to recover. You, wanting the person you like to smile, also pray with him for her recovery. Of course you only just met a few months back, so your self sacrificial prayers haven't gone on that long. But in the end, one of those times, God answers.
She wakes up and is healed. But her brain has to redevelop, she she reverts to being a child, who only wants what she wants and nothing else.
Now the woman who tried to hide her love for her fiance's friend is no more, and in her place, a selfish child remains. She immediately goes over to the friends, says his name first, learns to walk so she can go to him, and refuses to go home with her fiance...
Tell me something, if you were the guy (fiance), what would you think? After three years of devotion and prayer, what do you pray to God for now? And you, who so earnestly wanted your crush's happiness, isn't this simply the height of cruelty? Not only have you self sacrificed, but you almost wasted your efforts...
...Oh but it gets worse...
Fiance (guy) finds out that fiance (girl) slept with the 'meant-to-be-gay' friend the night before her wedding, saying, and I quote " love me really for the last time". So how much love does he need to prevent him from driving a stake through her heart? Of course, all you can do is 'be there for him'...

...People claim to date several people at once so they get the positive aspects from each and create the perfect person. But you know, with each person comes a share of problems, and you end up having twice or thrice -or whatever the number of lovers you have - the amount of problems an average person has to take care of...

Random arent I?

...Bitter Sweet...

When I saw her smile in that dress, time stopped.
For those few seconds I stood, and I watched her radiate like the sun, standing next to the one she said she adored.
When I saw her in that dress, all I could think of was 'beautiful'.
She did not look fine, or pretty or okay, she was beautiful.
When I saw her in that dress, I was moved close to tears.
It was not the fact that she wore white and thus seemed pure at her wedding, but that dress...was as they say, made for her.
When I saw her in that dress, I couldn't help but feel the bite of the green daemon.
I wished for a second, that I was her. I wished for a second that I was radiating as she seemed to be. I wished for a second, that my life was as perfect as hers was for that second. For a second, I seemed... jealous...
When I saw her as she turned, I smiled a true smile for the first time in a long time.
Her eyes sparkled as she turned to look at him. You could tell that she had all her hopes and dreams and wishes in that one person. That one man who was human.
When I saw her smile, I thought to myself, another one of them. For that second the world is perfect, but then down the line she realizes that day, that oh so perfect day, was a once in a life time event.
When I saw her smile twitch, I thought to myself, Alas, it was but for a moment. Alas it was not to remain the 'oh-so-perfect' smile that I thought it should be. Alas, it was not so perfect...the smile...as everyone said it was...Alas, she was going to take the high road this time...

But then I saw her smile again...order had been restored in her world...and I thought to myself...Oh what the hell, life is grand, life is bland...life changes on a whim, and all you can do is flow with it.
But on this day she chose to be perfect.
On this day she really was happy.
On this day she chose her emotion.
On this day, she made time stand still. On this day, she defied life, fate and all her games...knowing fully well that in the end, she would have to pay for the rest of her life.
But on this day, she chose to make a deal with fate, and damn the consequences.
So when I saw her smile once more as she said "I do" I had to laugh...yet another fool dances to the tune of fate...knowing fully well the way the game ends...
But we can't help but cheer them on, as if to say this time, this time you both would be that one in a million to play this game and win...
This time, you both would defy fate and miss the game over tune...

No tears

They say to cry is a healthy act,
that's how she knows she is not healthy.
For in years past, she has not shed a tear in sadness,
Sure she might have shed a few at the end of a movie here or there,
But to cry for the pain she feels, or for a sad event, she has never.
And yes, in the years past, there have been but a few sad tales,
A few reasons to shed a tear,
But in the end she smiles,
In the end she laughs,
A laugh that sounds so real, it scares me at times.
In the end she turns to me and says,
I am fine...really,
So smile for me.
And I, knowing my smile was what she needed,
Would smile back.
Yet knowing she can't see the smile,
It turns sad...and in the end, we are back to where we started,
She sad but with no true tears...

The trully random me

So my friend sent me this thing on Facebook about writing 25 random things about myself. Facebook is too broad and public so I never write anything that makes sense on there...lol...so I've decided to write ten truly random things you probably would not have guessed about me...

1. I want to...possibly would...find myself living in an apartment with a random guy (no strings attached) and a random kid (again no strings attached). Sort of a 'due to circumstances beyond our control' kinda deal, and they both have to be fine looking...decent. Of course this is against all wishes...

2. I plan on living in Japan for a period in my life, so I am taking a self study in the language. To me, I have two main homes. Nigeria, where I have lived for about 17+ years, and then Japan where I would live for about... those who object, now is the time to be heard...not that it may matter but...lol...

3. Sometimes I think of random things like how do inseparable Siamese twins date or even get married? God made the whole one man one wife rule right, so do they date two separate guys, and if they do, how does that work out...exp with sex and all...just curious...

4. Sometimes I get lost in my own world, talking to myself and reveling in the fantasies I have created in my head. Some people think it is a sign of mental illness, but I gotta tell ya, knowing me, I think I am much saner now than I was a few years back...scary huh? lol

5. I really hate adults who are idiots. They get wrapped up in their own stupidity, totally oblivious to the world around them. Then when they make an idiotic mistake as they are prone to, they rise up and make a declaration of something along the lines of 'because I said so', and expect you to jump at it just cause they are 'adults'.

6. I adore many in my life, but I cant seem to bring myself to be able to use the more popular synonym of the word. Its not that it just creeps me out, but it has a weird effect when I say it, and I just cant say it. Maybe its because I don't believe in the word (not the act in general), or something, but when others say it to me, I either go "You too", "I heart you" or simply smile ever so sweetly and pray to God they leave it at that.

7. I hate talking about myself. Now writing, as long as it ain't a 'Story of my Life' type of deal, I am fine with. I tend to address myself in the third person singular (not sure thats even right), as opposed to I. Meaning I call myself 'Mi' (cross for Yimi and Me. Not Yimi cause someone told me it was bad to address yourself in third person, and not Me cause...well just cause), and its easier talking about Mi like I am talking about some other random fellow.

8. I am Christian and I love the Lord. But then I have a sad tendency to stray so far sometimes, and yes no need to tell me, I know it is not good at all.

9.I am one of those girls who would not be in this world if men were not around, yet I cant stand dating. Odd huh? tell me about it.

10. I am a dangerous game, because I like taking stupid risks with people's minds, just cause. I am an easy complex...because you think you know me, yet you still can't figure me out.

I think these 10 things should do for now...so how do you like it? Find anything shocking???

XOXO
Mi

...Adores...

Here are her words, as she told them so do I, as she felt them so I tell:

I adore the way his hair hides his eyes, shielding whatever emotions he feels inside.
I know he is not happy when that happens, because he doesn't smile and he lets the hair stay that way so I don't see his emotions in his eyes.
I know it is dangerous when he gets that way, but I can't help but adore it. Of course eventually he would raise his head and either yell, say something in a low voice that would stick, or just look at me and walk away. But for the period between his hair coming down and him reacting, time stands still. I feel trapped in some alternate universe, and I adore it there. I get too scared to breathe because I am scared if I do, I would loose that magnificent master piece. That work of art that he is, that being that I know was only made by a genius.

I adore the way he smiles. His face lights up like the Star at the top of the Christmas tree. When he smiles, all I want to do is protect that smile. I could move the world just to keep it that way, because one of those smiles makes me want to live at least another day.
I adore it when he turns as soon as I enter a room and finally smiles. He does'nt have to know I am on my way, but he knows when I walk in, and the smile seems to say "Now my fun can begin". It makes me feel special knowing that when I am not around, then there wont be that smile that I adore, there wont be that grin that makes him look like a kid when it appears, and then my knight as soon as it leaves.

I adore the way he holds me when I cry, gently running his hands through my hair. He wont say 'I told you so' even if he sang the warning like a canary bird's anthem. I adore the way he would whisper in my ears about something totally ridiculous and so off topic I have to think for a second to get what he says, just to get me to laugh. And I adore the look he would have in his eyes when I do laugh, as if saying "finally, my baby is back." He would fix the problem with me without complaining, and smile and make jokes with me when every one else tries to bitch about me making the mistake.
I know I would not do whatever it is again because I would get the hair to cover his eyes, and though I adore the way he looks then, I don't adore it when I caused the pain or anger I know I would see as soon as that alternate universe expires.

I adore the way he reacts when I am in trouble. I adore the way I know he would do everything to get me out of it, especially when it is someone putting me there. I adore the fact that I know I am safe in his arms, and he would...hurt whatever tries to hurt me. Sure he wont commit murder because we are Christians, but he wont sit back and not do anything...because we are Christians...
I adore the way he makes it clear that we belong to each other, and for someone who hates it when others touch his things, it is clear to imagine how he feels when someone touches Me...and no, I am not a thing...

But I don't want the smile alone, or the hair-face affair, or the arms...I want the guy as a whole. I want my Phantom, I want my Knight... I adore the idea of keeping him all to myself...because I know he is a priceless gem...because I know...I know because I am always watching him...I am watching him because I adore him...I adore him because...now if there was an answer to that, it would have long being game over...