My Close Far Friend

I have a close friend. Who became a friend. Who became my close far friend.

People always said she was poisonous. And while she had a lot of us as friends at some point, we all seem to drift away, or run away, when our problems come because then we notice the 'burden' carrying her problems are. Then we hear all the talk about her being poison. All the talks about her being a negative influence. All the talks about her not being the right sort of friend for us.

Looking back now though, I ask myself, was it not more mi not being the right sort of friend for her??

She had issues that she needed divine intervention to work out. Issues that have now become deep rooted and are plaguing her today. Granted then, I was not in a position to help. At least, my emotional and mental state at the time were so focused on mi I couldn't see past my little 'hell'.

But now I look at her, hear about her, read her stories and feel guilty. I feel guilty because I think 'I probably played a hand in that outcome'. One can argue that she made her choices, there's nothing you could have done, she is strong willed, and all that English people like to speak when they don't want to accept responsibility. But if I want to be honest, there is something I could have done.

I could have prayed.

I read about my friend's life now and I fight back the tears. In her words I hear loneliness, hopelessness, despair, bitterness, hatred, regret, pain, sorrow....and all the things you do not want to hear from a young person. She has rejected God, because she feels he has rejected her. She feels this way because none of her friends prayed and held on for her.

But I love that it is not too late.

So first, I will repent for not doing my duty as a friend. Then I will pray for her like I do myself. I know she needs a hug from God. I know she wants it. And best of all, I know God wants her too.

So until the day I read a different story from her life, my prayer shall be "Lord, show her you love her, show her she has a right to be happy, show her she is beautiful because she is your child. But most important of them all, show her she needs you"

Won't you pray for my friend with mi?? ;)

xo

Diabolical lover

In the wake of the night,
I saw.
The shadows illuminated my room’s sky,
Forcing my unwavering attention.
The soft fiery glow warmed my cheeks,
Yet I knew for a fact one touch would scourge.
Like the ever living fires of Hades.


He came to me.
In sleep or dream I do not know,
But he came.
The skies became the baby blue of dawn,
Yet he glowed and smelt as the twilight.


Gentle kisses he placed,
And I felt them like rain droplets.
Yet I did not touch him.
Plead and cajole he tried, Immortal none the less; I refused.
Relishing the power.


His eyes now grey,
I fear a storm cometh.
He placed a hand on my chest.
I shivered.
His hands burned and cooled as they moved.
A sensation I did not know to scream from or weep with joy.


He kissed me,
I tasted his lips.
He tasted of the sea, the dead sea.
My eyes flew open, the cock crowed.
It was morning on earth.


Night and day he torments me.
Leading mi up the torturous pleasures of ecstasy,
Only to leave me hanging at death's door.


Yet day and night I long for him.
Like the sex craved drug addict he turned me into.
Sodom and Gomorrah had the right idea I wish to say,
For he alone would drive me insane.

The Art of Boredom

The definition of boredom would be Mi, at this moment, sitting in an office space by myself with nothing to do. This is not meant to be the case though. And while I sit here pondering if I should be joyful or sad that my participants did not show up, I am also plagued with the ever living nightmare that this is just a glimpse into the everyday cycle of some people, i.e. 9-5ers, and I'm further reminded that there is no way in hell I would survive in their world. At least retaining my sanity.

Sometime soon, I am going to need to find a permanent solution to this seemingly life halting problem that plagues my 'daymeres' ever so often. But for now, my next participant is here, Thankest God, so I have to go work.

Sleeping Fairy

'I want to see you tomorrow'. I reread that text.
Over and Over, Over and Over....
I close my eyes. Maybe sleep will come.
I open my eyes.
Ahh, tomorrow is here. I glance at the clock.
11:30pm.
How can the tomorrow I always dread seem so far away all of a sudden? How can it be that only 3 hours have passed since I went to sleep?
I have never waited for a day for so long. My heart throbs with anticipation and fear.
I want to see him. I want to see him now.
I am scared to see him. What does he have to say? What does he want to tell mi so earnestly by that fountain. I am scared it might not be what I want to hear. But I want to see him.
There is no sense in this. Waiting? There is no reason for all that.
I get off my bed and change.
"I'll come over in 10mins" is the text I sent him.
I change faster than I have ever before and run down the stairs.
My heart racing, My mind in a fog.
What do I say when I show up? I couldn't wait? I wanted to see you now? Too cheesy?
"Hika you up?" My mother says as I get down.
"Yes, I couldn't sleep. Want to go out for a bit" I respond.
She laughs.
"Couldn't sleep? Huni its 11:50pm."
I look at her quizzically.
"You've been asleep the whole day! I was getting worried...."
Her voice trails off....now what do I say when I do see him....

No tears

They say to cry is a healthy act,
that's how she knows she is not healthy.
For in years past, she has not shed a tear in sadness,
Sure she might have shed a few at the end of a movie here or there,
But to cry for the pain she feels, or for a sad event, she has never.
And yes, in the years past, there have been but a few sad tales,
A few reasons to shed a tear,
But in the end she smiles,
In the end she laughs,
A laugh that sounds so real, it scares me at times.
In the end she turns to me and says,
I am fine...really,
So smile for me.
And I, knowing my smile was what she needed,
Would smile back.
Yet knowing she can't see the smile,
It turns sad...and in the end, we are back to where we started,
She sad but with no true tears...