...Kurosagi...Kurosagi...

*Spoiler alert: If you plan on watching the Japanese series Kurosagi, then don't read this...I truly did adore this series...just wanted to get it out there...
So in the end, Katsuragi was simply playing a game. Many people play games with life, but think of it only as a one round event, but with Katsuragi, I adore the fact that there was a reset button. When Kurosagi got caught, in every other persons game, that would have been game over. But Katsuragi got him out of jail (in less than 24hrs), got the main villain out of town and into hiding again, and then pushed the reset button. The game began again...
Lesson learned: life is a maze of games (already knew). A big arcade of some sort. But before you play, make sure there is a reset button so you don't burn out
...bang..
MI

So Sick

I want to make this declaration...I think Yamashita Tomohisa is one of the most BEAUTIFUL (and why the hell is English so short of words when you need it not to be...) beings I have ever seen. And that is putting it mildly. I could sit and stare at his face for decades, and not find a single flaw... I mean I thought Matsumoto Jun was the height but dang.... Makes you wonder how he came to be you know? Like what do his parents look like? I mean too generations of beauties had to collide to produce him...*sigh.... I wish...

Now then...lol...

"Innocent Love"
Imagine this. You like a guy, who is in love with a girl (actually engaged to her), who is in love with another guy (her fiance's closest friend), who claims to have gone gay so she has to marry the other guy. So everyone stands in a row staring at the back of the person in front of them.
Now lets say the girl engaged has an accident and is a vegetable for three years, her fiance, being faithfully in love, prays and hopes above all things for her to recover. You, wanting the person you like to smile, also pray with him for her recovery. Of course you only just met a few months back, so your self sacrificial prayers haven't gone on that long. But in the end, one of those times, God answers.
She wakes up and is healed. But her brain has to redevelop, she she reverts to being a child, who only wants what she wants and nothing else.
Now the woman who tried to hide her love for her fiance's friend is no more, and in her place, a selfish child remains. She immediately goes over to the friends, says his name first, learns to walk so she can go to him, and refuses to go home with her fiance...
Tell me something, if you were the guy (fiance), what would you think? After three years of devotion and prayer, what do you pray to God for now? And you, who so earnestly wanted your crush's happiness, isn't this simply the height of cruelty? Not only have you self sacrificed, but you almost wasted your efforts...
...Oh but it gets worse...
Fiance (guy) finds out that fiance (girl) slept with the 'meant-to-be-gay' friend the night before her wedding, saying, and I quote " love me really for the last time". So how much love does he need to prevent him from driving a stake through her heart? Of course, all you can do is 'be there for him'...

...People claim to date several people at once so they get the positive aspects from each and create the perfect person. But you know, with each person comes a share of problems, and you end up having twice or thrice -or whatever the number of lovers you have - the amount of problems an average person has to take care of...

Random arent I?

...Bitter Sweet...

When I saw her smile in that dress, time stopped.
For those few seconds I stood, and I watched her radiate like the sun, standing next to the one she said she adored.
When I saw her in that dress, all I could think of was 'beautiful'.
She did not look fine, or pretty or okay, she was beautiful.
When I saw her in that dress, I was moved close to tears.
It was not the fact that she wore white and thus seemed pure at her wedding, but that dress...was as they say, made for her.
When I saw her in that dress, I couldn't help but feel the bite of the green daemon.
I wished for a second, that I was her. I wished for a second that I was radiating as she seemed to be. I wished for a second, that my life was as perfect as hers was for that second. For a second, I seemed... jealous...
When I saw her as she turned, I smiled a true smile for the first time in a long time.
Her eyes sparkled as she turned to look at him. You could tell that she had all her hopes and dreams and wishes in that one person. That one man who was human.
When I saw her smile, I thought to myself, another one of them. For that second the world is perfect, but then down the line she realizes that day, that oh so perfect day, was a once in a life time event.
When I saw her smile twitch, I thought to myself, Alas, it was but for a moment. Alas it was not to remain the 'oh-so-perfect' smile that I thought it should be. Alas, it was not so perfect...the smile...as everyone said it was...Alas, she was going to take the high road this time...

But then I saw her smile again...order had been restored in her world...and I thought to myself...Oh what the hell, life is grand, life is bland...life changes on a whim, and all you can do is flow with it.
But on this day she chose to be perfect.
On this day she really was happy.
On this day she chose her emotion.
On this day, she made time stand still. On this day, she defied life, fate and all her games...knowing fully well that in the end, she would have to pay for the rest of her life.
But on this day, she chose to make a deal with fate, and damn the consequences.
So when I saw her smile once more as she said "I do" I had to laugh...yet another fool dances to the tune of fate...knowing fully well the way the game ends...
But we can't help but cheer them on, as if to say this time, this time you both would be that one in a million to play this game and win...
This time, you both would defy fate and miss the game over tune...

No tears

They say to cry is a healthy act,
that's how she knows she is not healthy.
For in years past, she has not shed a tear in sadness,
Sure she might have shed a few at the end of a movie here or there,
But to cry for the pain she feels, or for a sad event, she has never.
And yes, in the years past, there have been but a few sad tales,
A few reasons to shed a tear,
But in the end she smiles,
In the end she laughs,
A laugh that sounds so real, it scares me at times.
In the end she turns to me and says,
I am fine...really,
So smile for me.
And I, knowing my smile was what she needed,
Would smile back.
Yet knowing she can't see the smile,
It turns sad...and in the end, we are back to where we started,
She sad but with no true tears...

The trully random me

So my friend sent me this thing on Facebook about writing 25 random things about myself. Facebook is too broad and public so I never write anything that makes sense on there...lol...so I've decided to write ten truly random things you probably would not have guessed about me...

1. I want to...possibly would...find myself living in an apartment with a random guy (no strings attached) and a random kid (again no strings attached). Sort of a 'due to circumstances beyond our control' kinda deal, and they both have to be fine looking...decent. Of course this is against all wishes...

2. I plan on living in Japan for a period in my life, so I am taking a self study in the language. To me, I have two main homes. Nigeria, where I have lived for about 17+ years, and then Japan where I would live for about... those who object, now is the time to be heard...not that it may matter but...lol...

3. Sometimes I think of random things like how do inseparable Siamese twins date or even get married? God made the whole one man one wife rule right, so do they date two separate guys, and if they do, how does that work out...exp with sex and all...just curious...

4. Sometimes I get lost in my own world, talking to myself and reveling in the fantasies I have created in my head. Some people think it is a sign of mental illness, but I gotta tell ya, knowing me, I think I am much saner now than I was a few years back...scary huh? lol

5. I really hate adults who are idiots. They get wrapped up in their own stupidity, totally oblivious to the world around them. Then when they make an idiotic mistake as they are prone to, they rise up and make a declaration of something along the lines of 'because I said so', and expect you to jump at it just cause they are 'adults'.

6. I adore many in my life, but I cant seem to bring myself to be able to use the more popular synonym of the word. Its not that it just creeps me out, but it has a weird effect when I say it, and I just cant say it. Maybe its because I don't believe in the word (not the act in general), or something, but when others say it to me, I either go "You too", "I heart you" or simply smile ever so sweetly and pray to God they leave it at that.

7. I hate talking about myself. Now writing, as long as it ain't a 'Story of my Life' type of deal, I am fine with. I tend to address myself in the third person singular (not sure thats even right), as opposed to I. Meaning I call myself 'Mi' (cross for Yimi and Me. Not Yimi cause someone told me it was bad to address yourself in third person, and not Me cause...well just cause), and its easier talking about Mi like I am talking about some other random fellow.

8. I am Christian and I love the Lord. But then I have a sad tendency to stray so far sometimes, and yes no need to tell me, I know it is not good at all.

9.I am one of those girls who would not be in this world if men were not around, yet I cant stand dating. Odd huh? tell me about it.

10. I am a dangerous game, because I like taking stupid risks with people's minds, just cause. I am an easy complex...because you think you know me, yet you still can't figure me out.

I think these 10 things should do for now...so how do you like it? Find anything shocking???

XOXO
Mi

...Adores...

Here are her words, as she told them so do I, as she felt them so I tell:

I adore the way his hair hides his eyes, shielding whatever emotions he feels inside.
I know he is not happy when that happens, because he doesn't smile and he lets the hair stay that way so I don't see his emotions in his eyes.
I know it is dangerous when he gets that way, but I can't help but adore it. Of course eventually he would raise his head and either yell, say something in a low voice that would stick, or just look at me and walk away. But for the period between his hair coming down and him reacting, time stands still. I feel trapped in some alternate universe, and I adore it there. I get too scared to breathe because I am scared if I do, I would loose that magnificent master piece. That work of art that he is, that being that I know was only made by a genius.

I adore the way he smiles. His face lights up like the Star at the top of the Christmas tree. When he smiles, all I want to do is protect that smile. I could move the world just to keep it that way, because one of those smiles makes me want to live at least another day.
I adore it when he turns as soon as I enter a room and finally smiles. He does'nt have to know I am on my way, but he knows when I walk in, and the smile seems to say "Now my fun can begin". It makes me feel special knowing that when I am not around, then there wont be that smile that I adore, there wont be that grin that makes him look like a kid when it appears, and then my knight as soon as it leaves.

I adore the way he holds me when I cry, gently running his hands through my hair. He wont say 'I told you so' even if he sang the warning like a canary bird's anthem. I adore the way he would whisper in my ears about something totally ridiculous and so off topic I have to think for a second to get what he says, just to get me to laugh. And I adore the look he would have in his eyes when I do laugh, as if saying "finally, my baby is back." He would fix the problem with me without complaining, and smile and make jokes with me when every one else tries to bitch about me making the mistake.
I know I would not do whatever it is again because I would get the hair to cover his eyes, and though I adore the way he looks then, I don't adore it when I caused the pain or anger I know I would see as soon as that alternate universe expires.

I adore the way he reacts when I am in trouble. I adore the way I know he would do everything to get me out of it, especially when it is someone putting me there. I adore the fact that I know I am safe in his arms, and he would...hurt whatever tries to hurt me. Sure he wont commit murder because we are Christians, but he wont sit back and not do anything...because we are Christians...
I adore the way he makes it clear that we belong to each other, and for someone who hates it when others touch his things, it is clear to imagine how he feels when someone touches Me...and no, I am not a thing...

But I don't want the smile alone, or the hair-face affair, or the arms...I want the guy as a whole. I want my Phantom, I want my Knight... I adore the idea of keeping him all to myself...because I know he is a priceless gem...because I know...I know because I am always watching him...I am watching him because I adore him...I adore him because...now if there was an answer to that, it would have long being game over...

Erroneous Games...

There is something I did which I cant say out loud,
That which I did weighs my heart so heavily, I almost want to yell it out.
But each time I try to think it through in my head,
It sounds even crazier thinking about bringing it up.

There is something I did I cant say out loud,
And for the first time in history, I cant write it too.
Yet each time I see those close to me, I try to tell them what I did,
But then I know those words would not make the load any lighter. Just change it.

Ever done something you know would change the way people think of you drastically?
Ever done something you want to keep buried between you, the devil and God?
Ever done something for which you block out the details of, as life is a little easier?
Ever done something you do regret but then not for the right reasons, which makes you question your sanity?

There is something I did that I can't say out loud,
There is something I did that mirrors another act of its own,
There is something I did that I fear might be starting a trend!
And yet while I fear this, somewhere at the back of my mind, I think to myself...
"Oh what a tale it would be if I do tell it,
Oh what a look the would have if they do hear it,
Oh what a game it would be if I do play it...this time till the end..."

Funny thing

So I could not watch the sun rise this morning because Carbondale has too many freaking street lights on at dark, (don't ask why I was up to watch the sun rise...too long a story to tell here), and it got me thinking about the fact that Nigeria and America have a lot of differences. Well I've been thinking about that a lot so whatever.
First off, there is the fact that while in Nigeria the host stands outside to watch the visitor drive off, you know as a sign of wishing them farewell, but here in the state, the guest watches the host walk back into his house. I mean they sit in the car while you walk back in before they drive off, to make sure you get in safe and don't get mugged on the way. That's pretty ironic to me cause back home, its the guy in the car who is in danger of getting mugged at night.
Then of course there is the reason I started this piece, the fact that agberos have stolen just about all the bulbs in the street lights in Nigeria you HAVE to see the sun rise when its dawn. I mean NEPA (well technically its PHCN but NEPA soundsa better) never turns on the electricity anyway, so we generally rely on the natural sources of light, being the sun and the moon. I think it is safe to say that there you damn well have to know when the night is over and the sun starts rising...because then you don't need ot keep your candles on anymore.
Americans have fun. It may be hiking, trick or treat at haloween, or just simply get on a bike and go racing, you know doing something fast. Nigerians sit and watch Americans have fun - in the form of TVs of course...lol
But all in all, with all the differences, I cant pick a side. So I choose earth as my home, and everything in it...all her ironies as well...

Sprung

I wish you would laugh with me again,
I wish you would tell jokes with me again,
I wish you would talk to me again,
I wish you would call me babes again,
I wish you would call me again.

I wish I could roll my eyes at the phone and call you 'sir' again,
I wish I could listen to you talk logic and give me 'fatherly advice' again,
I wish you would try to answer me when I accidentally ask you a 'brain teaser' again,
I wish I could ask you a question again,
I wish I could try to start a conversation with you again,
I wish you would call me again.

I wish I could call you a jerk again,
I wish I could fight with you again,
I wish I could get a conversation 'ender' again,
I wish I could ask you a question again,
I wish I could talk to you again,
I wish you would call me again

I do and I don't...

I don't want to be the only one that can control you,
Because this world is unpredictable,
And I never know when it would be my turn to leave it.
Yet I don't want another to be able to tame you,
Because then I would spend life wondering,
If she is better for you than I am.

I don't want to be second best,
Because then I would feel the need to work for you adoration,
Even though you may get insulted if you hear that.
What people never figure out is that I have an IOU complex,
But I want to be the only one legally allowed to be your burden,
And know and be able to believe that I pay by being there,
Because we know I have to pay...lol

I don't want to stay and stand the chance of getting hurt,
Because I have a feeling my heart is not as strong as it may look,
And that one false move would send it to pieces.
Yet I am tired of being called a 'run away bride',
Sometimes I want to stay and see what it's like,
Get rid of this wondering feeling once and for all.

I don't want to go for days without hearing from you,
Because I am terribly insecure, and my imagination is too active.
I have the single ability to mentally come up with more reasons
than a logical person should in that situation.
Yet I don't want to be the girl whose calls you ignore,
I don't want to be the one always making the first move,
Cause Lord knows I am horrible at that,
And I know at some point I'll start hating you for making me seem like a pest.

So I guess you can safely say I am best where I am now.
Between both doors, standing and smiling.
Sometimes I get sad and lonely, sometimes I am content,
But for now I would rather have both emotional coasters running,
Than walk into one door knowing I might shut down the one I prefer for good.
I am a dangerous game,
I am an easy complex,
But above all else, I am a girl that needs her smile responded to.