So today at martial arts training, I had the unexpected 'pleasure' of experiencing an anxiety attack. We were being taught how to get out of a choking situation, and after what seemed like hours but was probably 15mins of back and forth rounds practicing, I had to quit. Walked out, paced for a bit, difficulty breathing, crying.....fun times.
Back story: had a traumatising experience as a teenager, as you can imagine, choking isn't my favourite pastime.
One thing I noticed though was I didn't feel the anxiety take over my body. I still felt relatively calm, at least in the moment. I was able to endure the situation for far longer than I expected.
Another thing I learned was I want the reaction of the people around mi to match the level of 'seriousness' or 'special' that I deem the situation merits. I watch the scene play out, and all I can think of is 'it's not that serious' or 'calm down' or 'you're not special, this is normal.' At the same time, in thinking is it the negativity speaking?? Am I being too hard on myself?? I mean it is a big deal what happened right?? Or am I wrong??
Ah, to have a day where I feel and simply accepting the feeling, without placing a 'good' or 'bad' label on it/thinking I've done something wrong or messed up once more.
Off to write apology texts to the people I train with for 'freaking out'. Even though I know the response is going to be what reality already is - accepting and non-judgmental, I still have to confirm otherwise the crazies get in the way.
Better days to come....
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