Blossoms Blooming....

Everyday, I feel a strong sense of emotion. Each day, the location I find myself, on the spectrum ranging from intense sadness to ecstatic, varies. Sometimes, I feel my chest is heavy, and I’m about to burst with excitement and happiness.  I can’t explain why. 

Other times, I am so tired and sad. Not depressed, but unhappy. Again, I can’t explain what I am unhappy about or why. 

I do know it feels like its in relation to someone else. Feels like I am happy for that person or sad for said person. Odd, cause there is no one in my life with that amount of impact on mi. 

In other news, I’m back in school. There is a distinct difference between this quarter and last quarter for mi. Almost as though I am meeting a lot of people for the first time, and seeing a lot of others through a different set of lenses.

For one thing, I’ve withdrawn from a number of people. Both intentionally and unintentionally, but I am fine with it. It’s been less emotionally stressful. I admit, trying to stand on my own and not depending on others as much as I used to, trying to understand and work out the concept of working on my own, going places on my own, etc, though difficult, is something I’ve learned that I need to learn and practice doing things on my own. 

Another thing is I’ve accepted that I have few interests with most of the people around me, and they are closer to each other (than to mi) because they have more in common/more to bond with. This is also okay. This doesn’t mean my friends (the ones left) don’t like mi or aren’t my friends. It’s just a fact. The like football for instance, or health related talks, article readings, or things related to LGBT, etc. and I am not interested in most or all of those things. Which is also okay. 

I have also learned, albeit the hard way, that you can’t ‘make friends’. You become friends with people - either by chance, accident, match making, etc. You can’t make yourself friends with someone or create a friendship. As a result, not everyone would be friends with you, you won’t be friends with everyone, not everyone you want to be friends with will want to be friends with you and you won’t want to become friends with everyone who wants to be friends with you. And the most important thing is, all of that is okay. 

Finally, I made an appointment to begin my 16hrs. Should be interesting considering the fact that I just picked her for her price rather than anything else….

So hello Winter quarter, lets see how you turn out :) 

xo

Mi