3 Months Down....

....4 years and some change to go.

Congratulations to mi, I just completed my first quarter of PhD graduate school. (Cheerrrrrsssss!!!!)
Here is the much procrastinated count down of 10 things I learned thus far. (Drum rolls!!!!)

10. Being stuck in a location filled with other psychologists (to-be) is emotionally and mentally exhausting. Hence, the appreciation of the quarter system.

9. On that note, completing the first quarter does not, as anticipated, bring with it a sense of relief. Simply more exhaustion.

8. Consistency and communication, among people in office is a thing of the 80s. Inconsistency is the norm now. So generalizability is not only unacceptable with clients, it is also unacceptable with school rules, regulations and instructions. Get with the program.

7. There is a high correlation between Starbucks' coffee sales and the level of tolerance psychologists (who are trained/training to deal with people's feelings) have for each other. If Starbucks is the go-to drug for the 'experts', why are millions still paying for experts??

6. There is, apparently, such a thing as a 'stupid question'.  It is a psychologist's/(to be) job to point that to you, in an ever so passive-aggressive (or what I like to call British polite) way.

5. It is very okay to stereotypically diagnose someone based on your 'cultural consideration'. Also okay to throw that out the window, if I deem an existence of 'clinical impairment'.

4. Saying 'xx is a thing' is, apparently, a thing.

3. The DSM was probably written by a bunch of individuals with a DSM diagnosis, some of whom are certifiable.... (shh, no telling).

2. Overthinking + Psychology classes = Nervous breakdown. Don't do it.

1. In psychology world, there is no such thing as a 'yes' or a 'no'. It ALWAYS depends.

And as a bonus: Kids in this state were raised differently from the rest of the world; AND; they think that it's normal.... 

All Good

So I had a near meltdown last night (explains the last post ><) but I think I'm back together now. Talked to a friend, got scolded and a good talking to. But most of all, I got a dx and an understanding of what I needed to do. 

It's not gonna be easy. I think this is the hardest ish I've ever considered taking on, but I've accepted the challenge. lol. 

So, from now till my birthday, (thats 80 days), I'd do a 'Who am I according to God' daily write up. Cause I need to accept myself for mi as I am, and not according to the distorted view of my mind. I also need to know that no one's automatic reaction is to run away from mi. And even if it is, it's not because of mi or who I am. 

lol

Just thinking about it is scary. Half the time, I feel like bursting into tears when something happens, cause the first thing I think of (these past few days have been so much worse) is that it's my fault. A very nice confirmation bias occurs (out of delusions too). But I want to try and fix this so hopefully, the happy days are not too far away. And hopefully, this process is a success. Read some of my previous posts. It's such a reoccurring theme year after year, it's quite depressing to read. The cycle always ends the same, but this time, it has to be different. I know I've said this before (annually it seems), but I really am tired. 

"This is my train and I run it. I accept and lead, I am mi"

BLESSED IN YOU

Memorial Song as promised. I'd record the tune on my keyboard sometime later and post it for those interested :)

Enjoy!!

St 1: Like a shooting star

You shot into my world.

In a little while

You changed the shape of my stars

And just as I was

Try’to adjust

To the new light you shined in my world

St 2: Like a little dove

You flew out of my life

I had no say

Just had to take it that way

Now that we’ve both, gone our separate ways

Got just one last thing to say

Chrs: Thank you

For giving me love

For teaching me to live each day as my last

Thank you

For giving me hope

For letting me know that some day, some how, some where in time

I was actually blessed by God through you.

St 2: So many things

I’d love to ask and know

Like how or why

Or what actually went wrong

And just as I was

Tryna begin

I saw there were no answers for me

St 3: So many times

I’d love to see your face

To hear you laugh

Or see the twinkle in your eyes

But now that I know, that cannot be

 Got just one last thing to say

(CHRS)

Brdg:

You gave me love – that’s why I’m stronger

You gave me faith – in a haven away

You gave me your shoulder – when I was in tears

You gave me a reason to smile with a brand new day

You were my friend, my brother, my sister

You were the love of my life

You were my helper, my comfort my strength,

That’s why am strong enough to say

(CHRS) 2x

I was actually blessed by God…

through… you.