1012: Did....do....forever do....

Tomorrow did come.
Time did continue.
The world did rotate, still.
Babies did still gain life.
Birds did fly.
Buildings did go up.
My pain did still remain.

Love did begin.
Lovers did end.
Laughter did ring.
People did graduate.
Prayers did get answered.
Parties did get crashed.
My pain did still remain.

Some years did go by.
Some thoughts of you did make mi smile.
Some tales of you did make mi cry.
Forty-five minutes they say it did take.
Four minutes they say it did take as well.
For mi, an instant was all there was - and my world did shatter.

I miss you my angels, and though the sun did sine latter....I did, do and forever will miss you.

Kitty-Kat

9 lives had the cat,
now one lost he.
9 lives had the cat,
the world could see.
One life gone away,
So let him be.

Many year books closed,
invincible thought she.
Many year books closed,
life intact: Incredible thought she.
This year book unend,
do let her grieve.

The 9th life missed the cat,
now lost is he.
The 9th life missed the cat,
how sad he be.
Unexpectedly taken from him,
how cruel this is.

9 lives had the cat,
now with the 8 all grieve.
9 lives had the cat,
does he mourn or rejoice?
9 lives now has the cat,
to guard jealously he must.

In memory of Didi Machu, November 2009.
....bazamu manta da sunanki da sorri...
。。。でも今、さよなら。。。

...Their tears...

Rain drops.
Slow but steady, coming with a mission.
Slowly picking up pace, mission in sight.
They say those are the tears of God,
Then he must cry a lot,
More than I do I guess.

Rain drops,
melodious weeping,
You long to aid the weeper,
But don't, for the melody would seize.
So you stare out lost in the sound,
Mesmerized by the drops,
And trapped in the guilt of prayers for more.

Rain drops,
Do I trade in my sorrows for more of the melody?
Do I pretend I want to take the pain and make it stop?

The sun would shine again,
No doubt.
The tears would end sometime,
No doubt.
But for these few minutes,
For this time soon to become a memory,
Let mi enjoy this guilty-pleasure.

Rain drops,
The salt-less tears fall to earth,
Crystal clear, each unique note,
And when they hit the ground,
Just before the death of that unique pain the weeper feels,
A sound so wondrous,
A sound so unique,
A sound like no other,
My ears perceive.

The dreeded occurs...

My heart is in so much pain right now, its not even a joke. I never knew I could get this sad or that it would hurt so much. I mean granted, no one expected him to stay single for life, that's a given, but it still hurts.
I find myself turn between knowing I should be happy for them, and trying so hard not to sin with my thoughts towards her...lol
Maybe it doesnt hurt as bad as I know it would because he is yet to confirm it.
But then again, maybe it hurts so much because he is yet to deny it as well.
I wish I could say they are staring in something together like the last one, and everyone jumped to conclusions but then that's not the case. And no, it doesnt help that she is gorgeous. I mean that was to be expected...
I guess in the end I, we all, have to accept that he is but only human. And just like the rest of the world feels and falls...So has he...

But then again, there is the pressing issue of Jonny's or rather Yamashita's contract with Jonny on the issue of girlfriends...I thought Jonnys werent allowed to date, or at least not in public, no? Is he gonna get in trouble?

In case you were wondering, I am referring to the fact that Yamapi is supposedly dating Kagami Seira...the 22 year old Canadian/Japanese model...enough said...

This is not she

I watch and I stare and I want to puke and I want to cry and I want to laugh and I want to scream.
But all I do is laugh,
All I do is almost cry,
All I do is scream inside,
All I do is hate her.

I see them they see mi they watch in wonder they think she is crazy they think she is mi.
I want to scream,
I want to say no,
I want to yell stop,
All I do is let her be.

She looks she smiles she waves she blows a kiss she turns the clock strikes twelve she is mi.
I dread the turn,
I dread the handover,
Its too late to stop her now,
All I do is wait.

Shes crazy they can tell she is crazy they can tell she would do it all they can tell she is gone.
I can tell she is sane,
I can tell she knows,
I can tell she thinks,
I can tell...
cause...
she is mi.

Is it wrong of mi?

Is it wrong for mi to want something else for her?
Is it wrong for mi to be tired and want it all to end?
She hates her at all times,
But more so when she is 'her'.
Is it wrong for mi to say 'no more room' and have her evicted?

Watching her do the things she does,
Watching her be the thing she is,
The knife suddenly seems so close,
Suddenly, I can deal with the cutting and the blood.
Its not so bad if that is the alternative.

Then watching her crawl up into a ball and kiss death like she did the last time,
Watching her try so hard to cry but cant get the tears out,
Watching her recall it all and get defeated over again,
Knowing some sick version of loyalty and self-challenge is gonna push her out again,
Knowing the cycle is gonna repeat itself again.

Is it wrong for mi to fake believing her when she says she will let her go?
Is it wrong for mi to stay upset and sad because I cant trust her about that?
Is it wrong that I cant trust her about that?
Is it wrong that I cant tell her anything now that she is hurting?
Do I sympathize and not mean it?
Do I reprimand and kill her more?
Is it wrong of mi to think about all this with the knife so close, ready to hand over?