My love language

Saying it has been forever is an understatement, but wow. I think its a good thing though, no?? 
I used to run here for solace, so the fact that I don't write as much anymore could mean I've either grown, have less problems to deal with or maybe just gotten too lazy.
lol. Whatever the case, I am back I guess.


Just finished reading Dengeki Daisy. 
There are many reasons I love this manga, but I guess the main one is the fact that they wrote each other. 
I think I am weird (save your comments on that).
Unlike most people, I find talking to people a chore. I'd rather write it all. I mean ya sometimes talking is necessary and all that, but I wish people would write mi more than call for instance. I'd like to hear your voice once in a while, but it would be better to write to mi. 


Like with Ryo.
Don't get mi wrong, talking to him every sunday is actually fine. I understand that he is busy and its a huge sacrifice having him wake up at such an ungodly hour just to talk to mi cause of the time difference. I really do. Its just, I miss the emails. I miss the writing and the descriptions. 
Maybe I am just too lost in fantasy. Or maybe its the fact that am listening to some really suppy music right now. 
baa.


Oh I am in new Jersey now. New school, new place. It almost feels like freshman year all over again. But this time, I care less. Does that mean I've grown up more?? I am bored though. So very bored. Wish something random and different would happen in my life. Maybe I should get a kid, everyday would never be boring I think. lol. But no, life needs some spice.. Like how last semester's little drama occurred. Don't get mi wrong, my masochism doesn't extend so far that I enjoyed the pain I felt or want to relive it. But it was something you know?? I felt it. I was hurt, thought I would die from the lack of breath and the pain in my chest and all the hurt, but I felt it. 


In the time that it was occurring, all I could think about was the pain. But looking back, it was something different. I wasn't bored. It hurt and I felt like shit but it was something outside my boredom. Yes, contrary to what many people believe, he was not my boyfriend. In all logical sense I should not have been affected like I was by what happened. But then at the same time, my reaction was perfectly logical. I am not happy about the outcome, I mean regardless of appearances, I did loose him. But that was going to happen at some point, it was only a matter of time. Maybe if I want to be honest, I could say deep down, after all said and done, I was sort of relieved the reason we separated was not because of mi but because of him. It probably hurt just as it would have if I had been the one to cause the separation, but my secret was safe. Maybe I took the coward's way out, or maybe I was saved cause there was nothing I would have done about what I couldn't say or act on.


Ah, I deviated. 


I wish I could be more honest with my words. Maybe thats why I hate talking. Sometimes I feel like a compulsive liar. Too scared to say the truth and face the outcome, I'd rather write it out and not face the reaction head on. Idk if thats just a sad and pathetic excuse of a coward.


Anyway, I think I am getting depressed enough to need solace once more. So as my other half likes to say, ただいま。

Faked

She likes the night because she is free.
All is still at night, all is alone.
Thus the echoes of her loneliness blend right in.
The missing pieces in her smile go unnoticed.

She hates the day for she is bound.
The brightness shows it all, so she needs a mask.
To hide the tears and the emptiness of her heart.
And words to deafen the hallowing echoes from within.

1012 : 5 years future

Once again we are at the cross road,
Standing, staring, on either sides.
Once again here we are,
Yet the date reads 5 years future.


I hear your laughter, I see your tears.
I hear your promises, I see your fears.
I know your wishes, I recall your prayers.
Yet the date reads 5 years future.


It was yesterday we sang carols together,
It was yesterday you promised mi forever,
It was yesterday we made plans for tomorrow.
Yet the date reads 5 years future.


They say time heals all wounds,
They say that to mi and I try to believe.
They wipe my tears as my heart breaks to bits.
I pray soon the time they spoke of would be here.
Yet the date reads 5 years future....and I am still waiting.


In memory of the 60 who departed on 10/12/2005. In my heart you always will be. And till the day we meet once more, continue to smile and bring joy to all where you are, just like you did to us here until 5 years past....

Bleeding Coin

Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you quit and trust Mi,
tails you drag it all with you till hell.


Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you tell Mi why you won't trust anyone,
tails you get to keep your secret till hell.


Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you tell Mi how you really feel,
tails you get to be closed off till hell. 


Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you listen to Mi and my wishes for a change,
tails you get to be an asshole till hell.

1012: Did....do....forever do....

Tomorrow did come.
Time did continue.
The world did rotate, still.
Babies did still gain life.
Birds did fly.
Buildings did go up.
My pain did still remain.

Love did begin.
Lovers did end.
Laughter did ring.
People did graduate.
Prayers did get answered.
Parties did get crashed.
My pain did still remain.

Some years did go by.
Some thoughts of you did make mi smile.
Some tales of you did make mi cry.
Forty-five minutes they say it did take.
Four minutes they say it did take as well.
For mi, an instant was all there was - and my world did shatter.

I miss you my angels, and though the sun did sine latter....I did, do and forever will miss you.