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....her own world....

Weird is the very nice description you would get;
different would definitely be a good one;
metaphoric would make it to the top ten list;
but a thorned-rose best describes this blog.

Disclaimer: (Art above is not mine)
This blog might be a bit depressing for some, emotions might be stirred, feelings affected, questions left unanswered, etc. Viewer discretion is advised.... If you don't like what you see, don't comment. Just close the tab and it won't bother you anymore. :)
Mi
Showing posts with label Spring chill. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Spring chill. Show all posts

27 May 2012

Cages

A wounded cat trapped in a four-walled space,
She runs around, fighting the claustrophobia, trying to pretend she is in the wild.
A wounded cat trapped and cornered,
They surround her, taking more of her freedom, draining more of her air.

Her natural instinct is to run,
Run and go nurse her wounds as she reunites with her freedom.
Trapped and cornered, she has no place to go.
Trapped and cornered, she has only one response.

Her natural instinct is to fight,
Lash out and hurt until her corner becomes a space and her space, freedom.
But it hurts her to fight so won't you set her free??
But it deepens her wound to fight so won't you let her be??

They say its selfish of her to want to be free,
She hurts others by wanting to be free.
But it hurts her to stay and not be free,
It hurts her to stay cornered and not run free.

But they won't let her go,
They won't let her be free,
They won't let her breathe,
So she must remain caged, wounded until one side breaks.

14 Mar 2012

The Girl Who Danced With The Snake

It struck as weird didn't it?? Her advocating for the new guy instead of d old. But thinking about it in this order might make some sense. 

Remember the A likes B but B likes C scenario?? Well this is more A likes B. B is dating C. And then there is her. Usually, she's not a fan of the underdog. But this time, she wants A to get B. Though the chances are slim. But that's all her vicarious living talking.
She has gone through the personal cycle of liking A (in normal people terms), getting dumped, getting over it and wishing for his happiness - all in her head.
What if I tell you she thought about liking A, decided on her own he won't like her, got sad/over it and projected her 'almost' feelings unto B.
So it looks like she is rooting for A and B for their sake or as a friend, but in actuality, she'd get to live vicariously through B. Pathetic ain't it?? Now what happens when she plays too much or over projects or deludes herself into believing she could let herself like A and see what happens??

This little dilemma is one of the main reasons I, and not she, keep the keys to our heart. Its too fragile for a repeat of last time for instance. 

21 Feb 2011

Diabolical lover

In the wake of the night,
I saw.
The shadows illuminated my room’s sky,
Forcing my unwavering attention.
The soft fiery glow warmed my cheeks,
Yet I knew for a fact one touch would scourge.
Like the ever living fires of Hades.


He came to me.
In sleep or dream I do not know,
But he came.
The skies became the baby blue of dawn,
Yet he glowed and smelt as the twilight.


Gentle kisses he placed,
And I felt them like rain droplets.
Yet I did not touch him.
Plead and cajole he tried, Immortal none the less; I refused.
Relishing the power.


His eyes now grey,
I fear a storm cometh.
He placed a hand on my chest.
I shivered.
His hands burned and cooled as they moved.
A sensation I did not know to scream from or weep with joy.


He kissed me,
I tasted his lips.
He tasted of the sea, the dead sea.
My eyes flew open, the cock crowed.
It was morning on earth.


Night and day he torments me.
Leading mi up the torturous pleasures of ecstasy,
Only to leave me hanging at death's door.


Yet day and night I long for him.
Like the sex craved drug addict he turned me into.
Sodom and Gomorrah had the right idea I wish to say,
For he alone would drive me insane.

27 Jan 2011

Bizarre Circle

There is a man down the street. He sees you all the time, but you don't see him. He watches you as you leave the house in the morning on Friday at 10am.


You always open that door at 10am.


Then like clock work, you pick up the news paper, check the mail for the day then walk back into the house. A few minutes later, you walk out again, lock the door and walk to your car. You get in and drive down the street in the opposite direction from him.


You never see him, but he swears he sees you everyday.


Three houses down are the McClauds. The little girl, Ami, is six and wants to be a ballerina. Her seventh birthday is around the corner, and you promised to get her tickets for her first big life show.


You pass by the house as you drive on your way, and remember your promise.


Across the street from the McClauds is old Mrs. Harper. The woman slimes at you all the time as you drive by and you smile back. She always yells for the kids to go back in the house saying it's dangerous to be out at this time.
You smile and shake your head. The same old story everyday.
All would be as it was when you return Sunday night at 7 as you do every weekend.


But this Sunday is different.


You slow down as you get closer to the house. There are too many people outside, including the cops. Something is not right.


You stop the car and walk out, standing next to it for a second.


The man is there. He sees you, and you see him.


Suddenly he starts yelling. He is yelling something along the lines of "It was meant to be you" but you don't really know.


You walk up to the house and you know. Before the police get to you, you know and you feel it. The dread in your stomach, the realization in your head, and finally the calming and acceptance in your heart.


"Ma'am, is this your apartment?" The officer asks.


"She lives here but she is not meant to!" The man screams. You turn to him, a look of confusion on your face. What was he talking about?


You turn back to the officers and respond. "No sir, I don't live here. My friend does though. I only come to visit on the weekends. What happened?"


The officer begins his "I'm sorry" speech. There was a shooting, your friends have been rushed to the E.R. and you would need to come with them for more questioning. You hear the 's' after 'friend' and fight off a dread. You nod and follow the officer out.


The man was taken out before you stepped out. He is in hand cuffs now. Apparently he was the shooter. But why did he shoot and who is he? They can't figure it out.


He still continues to yell things about lies and how it was meant to be you. Did he think you lived with them though you were not meant to? Was that why he had shot them?


Your head hurts.


You try to tell yourself it is because of all the shouting, but you know it is not. It had been hurting even before you got to the house.


You look up and the sun is suddenly too bright. Everyone is shouting. You want to tell them to be quiet, but then you suddenly feel light and weak.


There is a shot. There is a scream.


You really want them to be quiet but it's all white now. Slowly you let yourself rest for a while.


You wake up in the hospital. Devan's with you. Your boyfriend.


"What's going on?" you ask, and his face is suddenly looming in your view. You want to tell him to move, but he is blocking the light so you let him be. He is fussing about something and you figure telling him to move would make him even noisier.


The doctors come in. They move your body around, probe you some and then smile at you.


"You had a blood clot in your brain, but we got it out now. You were lucky to have come in at the time you did." One doctor says. He continues talking about rest and other things, but you tune out.


Blood clot? Was that what the headache was about? But what about the shot and the screams?


Just when you decide you had imagined the entire affair, the officer comes in. He looks solemn.


"How do you feel ma'am?" he asks. You try to smile but it hurts too much. So you mumble an "Okay, considering", and he smiles.


"What happened?" you ask, knowing he was not going to begin talking otherwise.


He sighs for a minute, as though carrying a heavy burden. "Do you know Mr. Trover?" he asks, looking at me for a reaction.


Trover? Was he meant to be familiar? "No." You reply, hoping it was not going to lead to a session of brain checks to see if your memory was intact.


He nods and you are relieved. Then he tells you "Well Mr. Trover seemed to know you. He was the man at your friend's house when you walked in. We interviewed him. Apparently he was the landlord of the place and thought you lived with your friends. Did you?"


You shake your head.


"She spends the night on the weekends." You hear Devan say. You smile as he squeezes your hand. And to think you had planned on breaking it off the night before.


The officer goes on. "Well he went in to kill you in order to get you to stop living with them. He didn't see who he shot, but there were two victims. A man and a woman. He assumed the woman was you." The officer paused.


You close your eyes. If the woman was not you, then it had to be Trish.
"What happened to them?" You manage to ask. You open your eyes and turn to the officer.


He shrugs. "The man had a surface wound, his left arm, and was out of the hospital before the end of the day. The woman is in a coma. Her face is almost unrecognizable, and there doesn't seem to be any available ID to identify her. The doctor says its up to her now. It is a small town and the weekend, so getting her finger prints results would probably not happen until Monday. But you know her and we have the culprit so there is no rush."


You nod.
Devan's grip on your hand is a little too tight. You want to tell him to let go but you can't find the strength. Then you remember.


"I heard a shot before I passed out." you say, and see the real reason for the initial sigh. Ah, here it comes.


"He grabbed the gun of the officer closet to him when he saw you outside and aimed to shot you. You fell before he hit you. The McClaud's little girl was behind you. It was a clean sot to the heart. She was dead before the medics arrived." He falls silent for a second, then says a few things about getting your report when you get out and hoping you get better soon.


You did not hear him leave though. Little Ami was dead. Was it odd that you remembered her rosy cheeks go crimson when Mrs. Harper had yelled for her to go back in and called her a vile word? You remember you still had not bought the tickets you promised her.


Mrs. Harper....the old bat had been right in the end.


You look at Devan. He had remained quiet since the officer left. You glanced at the table behind him. There are white roses on the table. He follows your gaze then smiles at you. "Roses. I got them on my way in. I remembered they were your favorites."


You look at him then and smile. You hated flowers. Trish died for roses.


"You are holding on too tight." You say at last, and smile and close your eyes when he releases his grip.


You hear the door open and do not need to open your eyes to know he is here. You smile as his scent hits you.


You seem to be smiling a lot for someone in the hospital you think.


"Oh Dimitri," Devan says, getting up to shake the man's hand. "Trish's room is down the hall. I am sorry. Funny they both got hurt at her apartment." he says.


You open your eyes then. Ah, that's right. He would think that.


You look at Dimitri. He has a single plastic blue rose, and you could tell he had dipped it in your favorite perfume. You stretch out your hand and he hands it to you. You notice he is favoring his left side.


You smile then turn back to Devan. Poor thing, he looks baffled.


The doctor comes in then. "Ms. Gardner is asking for you." he says, then waits.


Devan looks at Dimitri, but he continues standing. "The doctor's talking to you right?" he asks with a smile, but loses his smile when he turns to you.


You think he realizes then that the roses were not meant for you. He recalls that you hate live roses.


There is an awkward silence then he gets up. He turns to apologize to you but you shake your head and tell him "She told me she was pregnant two months ago. The same day we bought the Teaser perfume together, me and her. The same day you came home smelling of teaser."


He looks at you in shock for a second. He wants to respond, but the doctor coughs to remind all of his presence. He walks out with the doctor and doesn't say a word.


The door shuts.


You glance at Dimitri. He sits on the bed, leans in and gives you a kiss.


Well laid out plans.


Two months ago after you and Trish went perfume shopping, and Devan came home smelling of the perfume you hadn't yet used, you bought the apartment in Trish's name yet she only found out about it last night.


You knew Trevor hated you. You knew he was going to try to kill you on that day. It was only a matter of setting the right time. But to think that he shot her up to the point of nonrecognition? You did not know he hated you that much.


He watched you, as you watched him. you knew he had come in the house at noon to see if he could get you unawares several times before. So having Trish come over at noon that day gave him the once in a life time chance he had been searching for. No one was going to stop you if he didn't. The house owner did not believe him, the police thought he was crazy.


And why wouldn't they?


Though he claimed you lived there, he only saw you at 10am on Fridays and 7pm on Sundays. Yet there was no trace of you in the house at noon when he went in, and no sign of you coming in and out of the apartment even on the weekends. You simply went out at 10am on Friday, and came in at 7pm on Sunday. What happened in between was a mystery.


Poor thing.
He could not have guessed the tunnel beneath the closet door in Dimitri's room. Who could have? It had been built in the 80s, when the Viscoff family smuggled all sorts into the country. It was the family trade.
Dimitri was heir.


And he screamed on and on about how it was meant to be you, you almost felt bad for him, had it not been for the clot in your brain. But his mistake was as good as any other persons. It was impossible to tell Trish and you apart.
You are twins.


Dimitri kisses the crease off your brow. "It was not your fault." he says, and makes you smile.
The plans would have been perfect, but little Ami, for the first time, broke the rules. The little child always listened when Mrs. Harper said go in, but not last night.
Last night she stayed out cause you had promised.
It was her birthday last night, and you still did not buy the tickets she waited outside so eagerly for.
What a bizarre Sunday it had been.