The Bridge

The tale of the bridge.

A magnificent creature is the bridge.

Standing tall in the open space. The bridge is all that links both sides together. The bridge brings unity, it brings harmony, it makes them one. 

A powerful creature is the bridge. 

The bridge knows both sides independently.  And understands that together, they make a perfect pair, working together, becoming one. 

A unique creature is the bridge.

The bridge moves, and the harmony is gone. Everything falls out of place, the perfect pair stop working, they no longer are one.

A lonely creature is the bridge. 

Stands solo between both halves. When the bridge moves, alone it goes, the perfect pair go back to living their independent lives, no more one.

Alone again, the bridge is. 

Lonely Sojourner

I don't know what it is I need to cry about, but its clearly something since I can't seem to get my mood in order and my eyes to stop the random tearing. 

I want a hug, from someone, semi-in-particular, or something to that effect. But for that to happen, I would have to, a, come up with a reasonable explanation for why I feel the way I feel, and b, take a detour flight to go see said semi-in-particular person. 

I think it is that I would need those I love and can't 'un-love' to stop pointing out to mi, the very perfectly formed flaws I am well aware of. Contrary to popular believes, it doesn't really help when you say it over and over again. No, I don't get motivated and the problem doesn't get fixed. I get some what depressed, with a progressive downward spiral as the reminders keep coming. I already know what the flaws are, I'm not ignorant of them, sadly. I am just not in a position to do anything about them at the moment. That, I believe, is my only curse, flaw....I don't know. 

I'm moving again. Its semi by choice, as always, but I'm still a little sad cause I thought this was it. I mean sure, there is a 1/9 chance I'm coming back here, but like all things altered, it won't ever be the same. I'm not sure if part of whats bugging mi is the fact that there will be change again, the fact that I didn't find what I seem to be searching for, the fact that I'd have to start over or all of the above that bugs. 

Its funny, all my friends broke up with significant others. I feel almost guilty for the initial thoughts and reactions I had when this occurred. Selfish aint I?? On the one hand, I cherish their happiness. On the other, I covert it. This might be why I am punished. I'm pretty sure there is a law against covetousness. But I'm moving again. A chance to start over, a chance to find my answers, and a chance to meet some more new people who I'd soon enough leave for a different place. But I should find solace in that I am spreading the love, that is so very abundant in mi, around. Without a replenishing source and the constant sad-smiling-let-downs, hopefully, the source never runs dry. 

The End. 

Star Crossed Lovers

You and Mi were born inverted.
We both see it, the future everyone swears to,
We dance around it, laugh about it, flirt about it,
We titter around the boundary, but we never cross the line.
Or maybe its all in my head.

You and Mi met under different stars.
Sometimes I see a movie and think na, I'm being delusional.
Then you do somethings and make mi want to believe my delusions.
Sometimes you act in a way, (un)consciously, I try not to believe.
Then you make t so real I know my delusions have become nightmares.
Or maybe its all in my head.

You and Mi met under complex waters.
We both see it, the alternate reality if this was not this.
We flirt, we laugh, we smile, we talk,
We talk in codes about a life, both knowing it will never be.
Or maybe its all in my head. 

You and Mi
Mi and You
I wish there was a more positive end to any of these....
Or maybe its all in my head.

Hate that I

Why do you make it so hard for mi to hate you?

Maybe not hate you but at least get over and let go?

You have your bad sides, which you show more. 

But then just when I think this is it....the good you shows up.

Nope, you don't do it intentionally, I don't think you are even aware.

Which is what makes this even worse. 

I can't hate you for being you.

I can't love you for being you.

Either way you look at it, I'm screwed aren't I?

On Angel's Wings

Today at church, we talked about apology and saying 'I'm Sorry'. About one's love language and apology language. For some reason, it made mi think of Zikora. Which is weird cause I haven't thought about him in a while. Took mi a minute to remember what he looked like. Amazingly, all I could remember was that sarcastic look/smile he got when he tried, in his Zikora way, to stop himself from telling you what he truly thought.

My last few months with Zikora, I spent them apologizing. It was almost a routine. Run, find him, walk with him and chanting 'please, I'm sorry, tell mi why....' etc. Still don't know what it was I was apologizing for. He never got around to telling mi that. 

But I like to think he got over it and forgave mi, long before the term was over. He probably enjoyed making mi plead with him. He still smiled, sometimes laughed when I brought up possible reasons for the oath of silence. He never spoke to mi again though. He smiled, laughed, but never spoke. 

I still think it was my fault - well obviously, I'm the one he was mad at - something I said probably - seeing as I have a big mouth. But when I think about him, I still smile through the tears. He was a friend, quite dear too. I don't know why now, but maybe someday I'd find out what it was about...who knows, we might even kick back together and laugh about the stupid affairs of seasons past.

RIP angel, still miss you.