Quite a Level....Opposite

Re-read what I wrote on the last 'quite a level'. Must be a fun ride swinging back and forth. I did figure it all out, with the help of a friend. And I was upset, more hurt than upset. And I was, contrary to my expectations, upset at myself not others. It hurt and I cried. A lot. Not like I have in years. Then I woke up and it all....stopped.
Now, I guess you could say I am numb. You know when you've grieved and cried and hurt and then you are.... done?? There's nothing there, just numb.
It's not peace, but it's not pain either.
I've come to a general acceptance and now, I guess I'm just existing with the new found understanding. Taking the days as they come. Is this how the last of the 5 stages feels??
I'm not upset anymore. At anyone, myself included.
That is a good thing right??
I feel almost robotic in a way. Going through the motions but not really. Saying the right things (or what I think should be accepted in the moment). Not saying the first 10 things that come to mind (cause not everyone wants to hear that). Smiling when necessary, laughing (attempting to) where needed and speaking when spoken to (that way I don't say unnecessary things or think about unnecessary things either). Focusing on school so that way my mind doesn't have a chance to wander. And when it's all done, at the end of the day, all the mental activity leaves mi exhausted and I can fall into semi-unconsciousness. I don't sleep, at least not much. Just enough to keep mi alert and avoid dreaming.
I won't say it's an ok state to be in. I won't say it's a bad state to be in.
It's just a state.
xo