New State, New Life, Changes

So I finally moved....drum rolls.....lol
While it's a new city, I am not really feeling the 'new town' vibe. Maybe cause I've moved around so much its not so new to mi.... But I love the place already.
Went to Japan town today, which made mi home sick/nostalgic....odd child that I am of course lol.
Have a really sweet room mate. She is quite unconventional, but not in a way that pisses mi off which is good.
Orientation starts tomorrow, and I am not even sure I am ready for the amount of work the school year seems to entail. I guess taking it one day at a time would be a fantastic way to start.
On a sadder note, I still have absolutely no idea on how to curb my spending. I mean I know I have no money, at the back of my head, but then I still find myself buying stuff/swiping my card, which frustrates mi afterwards. I need a job to balance it out lol....or an accountant lol.

Kinda tired so would have to do a proper write up some other time. Just felt like checking in and giving the highlights.

Cheers
xo

Weeping

Weeping. 

I saw a video today that made me want to weep for my country. It was an 8 min or so video of Boko Harem members slaughtering 5 soldiers. They held the men down like chickens, and used a semi-blunt machete to decapitate them on camera, while chanting in Arabic. I couldn't watch pass the first man. What demons would have to posses you to reach that level of wickedness??

 I'm not sure if I should pray for mercy, forgiveness, saving or revenge. I had a mind to hate, but the thought that Jesus forgave/forgives all came to me. If we are called to be like Him, then....so what is the right prayer?? 

Father deliver us from evil. Father forgive them for they know not what they do. Father accept the souls of your children and grant them eternal rest. Father protect us and hide us in you. 

This is not the country I know and grew up in. We had our faults, but at least I could say terrorism was not one if them. Now however, all I can do is weep. 

Mad at it All.

I'm tired of shedding tears.
I'm tired of writing tributes.
More so, I am sick and tired of doing both for people so young.
A parent shouldn't have to bury his or her child, neither should a child have to bury his or her parent without the grandchild by the side. God's promise says we would live to see our children's children.

I'm tired of hearing of cancer.
I'm tired of hearing of how lives so precious, so promising, are cut short as a result of it.
Coming without notice. Causing pain, grief and harm; giving a false hope of recovery, then snatching the hope and replacing it with a gut-wrenching agony.

I'm tired of the dread.
I'm tired of hearing a friend/school mate has 'the virus', then round of 50/50 that follows.
I'm tired of hoping, praying, wishing and stressing, while a terrifying shadow of the grim reaper hunts my view.
With no preventive recipe and no full proof treatment, its a fight between the devil and the deep blue sea, both one and the same, with only a faint distant ray of help.

Its not a person so one cannot hate it.
Its not a person so one cannot yell at it.
Its not a person so one cannot call a jury, find guilty and pass judgment upon it.

I guess I'm just tired today. Maybe because I just wrote two tributes to a very promising life cut short. Maybe because its the third time in less than 3 years. Maybe because I'm in the mood to dwell on the fact that life is such an unfair little b at times.

In the morning I'd feel better. In the morning I'd hope and pray again, because there is really nothing else to do.
For now, I am tired. So I'd just sit here and cry myself to sleep.

xo
 

Angels on our Journey

There are angels that come down and amongst us.
They live, they love and then they leave.

But when they are gone, their memories live on.
Passed from mouth to mouth, as the tale of 'a brother who', 'a son who'; 'a friend who'.

An angel has left us.
But though the tears are shed now,
His words, his warmth, his love and his heart,
Would one day bring only smiles and laughter.

He fought a brave fight, and now his work here is done.

So we bid you adieu.
Rest well dear son, brother and friend;
Our gentle passing angel.

In memory of Paul Uche (1991-2014), because his gentle smile remains clear in my memory. Whenever he crossed my mind, I asked God to take away his pain, and in His own way, He did.  

I pray He also comforts those left on this side, and fill the void now present. 

Tired Tales

Today's original post was meant to be a comic piece, another 'Lagos adventure', but I'd have to leave it for another day.

So it's officially 27 days left. I'm excited and a bit 'odd feeling' at the moment. Too many balls in the air for my normal peace of mind, yet I am the calmest I've ever been. 

I know God's got mi covered. I just have to learn to listen to him more. 

Longest time I've spent with the family since I was 10. Moma got it right. I'm a bit too independent for my own good I guess. I feel at home yet a bit 'guestly' at the same time. The break flew by a lot faster. Felt like I was visiting old friends I'm quite comfy with. Learned a lot too. About my family, my country and politics. Sadly, most of my lessons are a bit negative. Or rather sad at the very least. 

But all the same, I am glad I spent time here rather than Korea. For once, I didn't feel like I was on the run. 

I am ready for my next adventure though.  And what an exciting one it's promising to be. 

Tired. More on 'The Wonderful Life of Mi' later. 

Chao

xo

Mi

Breathless

Overwhelmed.
I need to let it out.
I need to shout.
I need to talk, scream, something.
Why?
Cause if I keep thinking I'd go insane.
If I keep trying to find answers to all these I'd go crazy.
I ask God. But it's like the more I ask, the more questions come up.
The only answer I know is that I have to go.
I know if I stay, I'd be stuck.
I can't explain how I know or why that scares me a lot, but it is.
Maybe because this is the longest I've stayed.
Maybe because I feel out of my depth and lost.
Maybe because I have a blank slate when 'this' is presented as my future.
Maybe because I simply do not want to.
But the questions keep on coming.
The answers keep on running.
I know if I talk this out I'd be fine.
But there is no one to talk to.
I mean everyone is around, but 'a someone' is missing.
Everyone else would ask more questions.
Everyone else would be equally burdened.
Everyone else....
I need to talk, scream, something.
I need to shout.
I need to let it out.
Overwhelmed.

The Definition of an Adult

I took my younger sis (cousin) to a certain hospital to get a minor procedure done. I don't know if at some point in the night I prayed for God to increase my patience, but the amount of times I had to count backwards to keep myself from snapping is unthinkable.

We arrive and have to go look for - because it was a search - her lab results. After being ignored for the better part of 30 mins, the lady at the desk casually goes 'it's been moved to your file, go look for it in records'. I'm like you didn't know this before or what?? 

So we get to records. 

The ladies there are nice enough to say there is no such result in the file. At this point, a Dr shows up and I think 'oh someone with some sense is here'. Little did I know. 

She comes and sorts out the lab issue. Then she turns to my sis and goes 'did you come alone?' Because I have, obviously become a rock. So I said no, I came with her. Is there a problem. 

She gives mi a look. A 'you can't be serious' look. And then she goes 'how old are you'. 

Ah, that face again. Accompanied by a snort. 

So I tell her I'm 24.  She asks how we are related. We tell here we are cousins. 

And she's like let's sit down. 

Then she proceeds. 

"I'm not comfortable with the distant relationship" I ask what distant relationship is that. And she's like we need an adult to sign this since it's a legal document.  I'd prefer a mother or father or aunty or uncle to sign". 

By this point, I'm biting back my words. 

So my cousin says I'm as close as it can get, and she has no one else around so it's gotta be me. And then she goes "well we just need someone above 18...." And shrugs. 

So basically, I am not 'adult enough' in her eyes to be the guardian but whatever. Now for the icing. 

She decides to explain the consent form to mi. What it is, how to write my name, what to write, asking if I can spell the name of the procedure. All this is done in that tone you use to talk to a 5 year old. Seeing as I am only legally an adult and not a real adult of course. 

I breathe through all this. 

Cousin goes in for the procedure and I go to sit near the nurses' station. I say good afternoon, the nurses respond. I sit and begin reading. 

A nurse comes out and she says "We brought you here to come sit with us, you could have at least greeted the nurse sitting there". I stare at her and laugh. Cause at this point I am sure this is a trial. 

"I already greeted them" I respond. To which she goes "You should have come closer, she won't hear that kind of greeting". Dear God, give mi the strength. 

The other nurse must have noticed my face cause she calls the talking one over and tells her ya I did greet them. The the original speaker looks at mi and goes "Oh you greeted? It's okay, I just assumed". 

Of course my word was really not enough to convince her, and she doesn't need to apologize because well I am obviously younger. 

Save mi. 

I'd skip the irritating fellow that came to find out if I was the 'friend' or whatever I want to call it. As long as I am neither father, mother, aunty nor uncle, my status isn't of significance. 

So I come in to see her. She needs some medication and an injection. The doc asks why I haven't gone to fill out the prescription yet. How the hell was I to know there was an injection that needed a proscription filled before it could be administered?? 

I go to the pharmacy, in a different building, involving traveling through the sun.  After making mi wait for some time, the pharmacist tells mi to go back to the doc to get something changed on the proscription slip. Can I get the other drugs and go with those?? No. 

So I travel back to the ward. Of course, the doctor is missing. 

The nurses run around searching for him, then the matron tells mi to go search for some more nurses and have them search for the doctor. Can't be bothered to ask why that has become my duty. 

Don't find him so the matron goes to find someone else. Eventually the form is changed. 

I go to the pharmacy, the lady is asking mi what took mi so long. I get the drug and head back to the ward. One of the physicians tells mi I should have brought this to them earlier. 

I smile and nod. Because I'm this close to cursing him out and it won't be nice. 

Did I mention I had to go drop some specimen at the lab - a lab I had to search for by the way - and the lab tech tells mi to come back in three weeks for the result. Of course, I ask him 'result of what test'?? And he says of the specimen. So I ask what tests he will be running on it?? (naturally, no one informed mi there was going to be a test so I have to ask why I need to make this perilous journey again). He looks at mi and says 'the result of the test for the specimen'. Is it so hard to tell mi what kind of test you plan on running???? 

So I'm seating here willing myself to breathe and just ignore. I'm not mad because I had to run around aimlessly, or because they didn't think to make calls to the different departments to make sure what's needed is there, no. I'm mad because the only reason for all this was simply because I am not 'adult' enough in their eyes. They called mi 'baby' the entire time. Since half of them were my age, I'm not sure why that name appeared appropriate to begin with. They would not have talked to my mum like that or sent her on errands the way they did mi. Or be extra condecending in their speech. My cousin said it's cause I look young/not my age. So they thought I might have been lying about my age. 

My point is this, if someone is signed as the guardian to another person, especially for a procedure, it means the parents of the child has consented that said person is responsible enough to handle the situation, and should be treated with the same courtesy and respect you would award a parent in that situation. I don't give a crap if you've been in the business for years. 

You don't do that. 

Ok back to regular activities. Lol

It's a Family Affair

I can't explain how the dynamics got so twisted, but here I am. I feel like a butterfly stuck in the middle of a webbed circle. There are no webs at the center where I am, but I am surrounded and trapped. It's against my nature to not be 'open my arms' and 'open minded' when dealing with family. I mean, my definition of family contradicts the 'not' in that sentence. Yet I find myself compelled and almost forced to do that. I can't laugh like I usually do, or talk like I usually do. They are family, yet they are strangers. They are strangers that are family and can be friends, yet I am asked to be wary. I am asked to 'guard their expectations'. 

In relationships and feelings, my mind works black and white. I don't know how to be a 'not so friend' with someone legally described as having a blood tie to mi. Theory: If we're connected by blood, without a previous negative occurrence, we can be friends. I can tell my friends things. This theory has worked since I was a kid. Once side of the family lets my theory work. My life is a series of theories. When these are broken, I get distorted. 

The theory above is broken. The other side of my family broke it. 

Now, I'm distorted. 

What I know, what I understand, what I have lived by, what I have processed and adapted, my theories and my codes, all broken. 

Now what?

My Close Far Friend

I have a close friend. Who became a friend. Who became my close far friend.

People always said she was poisonous. And while she had a lot of us as friends at some point, we all seem to drift away, or run away, when our problems come because then we notice the 'burden' carrying her problems are. Then we hear all the talk about her being poison. All the talks about her being a negative influence. All the talks about her not being the right sort of friend for us.

Looking back now though, I ask myself, was it not more mi not being the right sort of friend for her??

She had issues that she needed divine intervention to work out. Issues that have now become deep rooted and are plaguing her today. Granted then, I was not in a position to help. At least, my emotional and mental state at the time were so focused on mi I couldn't see past my little 'hell'.

But now I look at her, hear about her, read her stories and feel guilty. I feel guilty because I think 'I probably played a hand in that outcome'. One can argue that she made her choices, there's nothing you could have done, she is strong willed, and all that English people like to speak when they don't want to accept responsibility. But if I want to be honest, there is something I could have done.

I could have prayed.

I read about my friend's life now and I fight back the tears. In her words I hear loneliness, hopelessness, despair, bitterness, hatred, regret, pain, sorrow....and all the things you do not want to hear from a young person. She has rejected God, because she feels he has rejected her. She feels this way because none of her friends prayed and held on for her.

But I love that it is not too late.

So first, I will repent for not doing my duty as a friend. Then I will pray for her like I do myself. I know she needs a hug from God. I know she wants it. And best of all, I know God wants her too.

So until the day I read a different story from her life, my prayer shall be "Lord, show her you love her, show her she has a right to be happy, show her she is beautiful because she is your child. But most important of them all, show her she needs you"

Won't you pray for my friend with mi?? ;)

xo

Lagos - Sights and Sounds: Part 1

Adventures in a 'Keke-maruwa' 

So I went to Bible study with my mum today. On our way back, we decided to take the infamous keke home. The first one we got into broke down after about 30 seconds. The engine simply went off, no apologies, nothing.
We got down from the machine and stood at the side of the road, trying to hail another to take us home. After 3 minutes, the broken down machine started up. But rather than pick us up, the driver simply sped past us. My mother goes 'After dropping us in the middle of nowhere, you now drove off without thinking twice, hyan' lol.

Finally, after about 20 kekes had driven past, we got one going in the direction we were headed. We got in and immediately noticed it was not empty as we imagined. There was a fairly large man sitting in the other corner at the back. When the keke began moving, the driver and the man began speaking a language that was either Ghanian or Igbo (my mother and I are not in agreement here lol). So at this point I'm thinking 'ok its dark and this is Lagos. If they try anything, we can jump out at the traffic light'. We turn the corner, the man drops off and the driver picks up two more passengers - more men - and mum and I calm down.
Trust Lagos, there is traffic.
We drive a few minutes and notice these girls trying to hail a cab across from us. Our driver acts as the middle man because, well, they couldn't see the taxi guy.

Girls: To Ajah.
Driver (to girls): He said #5000. You dey go? (Are you going?)
Girls: (gesture for him to move)
Driver (to taxi guy): They no get money. (They don't have money).

We all laugh.

Driver: They wan go Ajah this night na for club now. Before e go reach Ajah today eh.... (They want to go to Ajah this night for a club. With the traffic, they won't get there early).
Mi: But a taxi to Ajah though??
Driver and other passengers: You can just take bus to Shita. Then CMS, then you get Ajah straight. (You can take a bus to Shita, then to CMS and then get another one going from CMS to Ajah). 
Mi: But they weren't dressed for bus hopping.
Driver: Eh no be to take am reach near Ajah. Then if they get a place like Shita for there, na to enter taxi N200 reach where you dey go. The people way you dey meet go see say na taxi you come with. Then runs gees fit tell the guy say the taxi na N7000. After all one girl do am to mi na. When we reach near the hotel, she tell mi say make I drop am, drop am. I talk say we never reach, na im she say she no wan make the guy see am.
(They can take the buses till they get close to Ajah. When they arrive at Ajah, if there is a place like 'Shita' close by, they can then get a taxi for N200 (Naira). The people they plan on meeting at Ajah would see them arrive in a taxi. For girls meeting their 'sugar daddies', they can simply tell him the taxi costs N7000. A girl has done it with him before. When he got close to the hotel she was going to, she asked him to drop her off so the man she was going to meet would not see her). 

lol.

We arrived at our stop and dropped off. Here is the conversation with my mum:
Mum: I was just praying as soon as we got on that keke. I thought it was only the driver, only to see the big man at the back with him.
Mi: Mi too, I was worried for a second.
Mum: I was ready to hit his head with my book (a hardcover she came with) if they tried anything.
Mi: looool mum though?? I thought we could just jump out at the stop.
Mum: Yes I figured you'd have thought of that since you were at the edge. But I was prepared to tell you not to worry because I have my weapon with mi. I was ready to knock that his head self!! I thought the plan was to take us to Shita and drive off from there. Since we weren't going to Shita, I was ready to knock him until he agreed to drop us off.
Mi: O_o looool your mind has gone a bit too far though.

And that was my evening today.

xoxo