Today's original post was meant to be a comic piece, another 'Lagos adventure', but I'd have to leave it for another day.
22 Jun 2014
Tired Tales
Posted by Mi at 04:18:00 0 comments
12 Jun 2014
Breathless
Overwhelmed.
I need to let it out.
I need to shout.
I need to talk, scream, something.
Why?
Cause if I keep thinking I'd go insane.
If I keep trying to find answers to all these I'd go crazy.
I ask God. But it's like the more I ask, the more questions come up.
The only answer I know is that I have to go.
I know if I stay, I'd be stuck.
I can't explain how I know or why that scares me a lot, but it is.
Maybe because this is the longest I've stayed.
Maybe because I feel out of my depth and lost.
Maybe because I have a blank slate when 'this' is presented as my future.
Maybe because I simply do not want to.
But the questions keep on coming.
The answers keep on running.
I know if I talk this out I'd be fine.
But there is no one to talk to.
I mean everyone is around, but 'a someone' is missing.
Everyone else would ask more questions.
Everyone else would be equally burdened.
Everyone else....
I need to talk, scream, something.
I need to shout.
I need to let it out.
Overwhelmed.
4 Jun 2014
The Definition of an Adult
I took my younger sis (cousin) to a certain hospital to get a minor procedure done. I don't know if at some point in the night I prayed for God to increase my patience, but the amount of times I had to count backwards to keep myself from snapping is unthinkable.
Posted by Mi at 13:35:00 0 comments
Labels: 2014, Disrespect, Naija, Pissed
25 May 2014
It's a Family Affair
Posted by Mi at 15:10:00 0 comments
11 May 2014
My Close Far Friend
I have a close friend. Who became a friend. Who became my close far friend.
People always said she was poisonous. And while she had a lot of us as friends at some point, we all seem to drift away, or run away, when our problems come because then we notice the 'burden' carrying her problems are. Then we hear all the talk about her being poison. All the talks about her being a negative influence. All the talks about her not being the right sort of friend for us.
Looking back now though, I ask myself, was it not more mi not being the right sort of friend for her??
She had issues that she needed divine intervention to work out. Issues that have now become deep rooted and are plaguing her today. Granted then, I was not in a position to help. At least, my emotional and mental state at the time were so focused on mi I couldn't see past my little 'hell'.
But now I look at her, hear about her, read her stories and feel guilty. I feel guilty because I think 'I probably played a hand in that outcome'. One can argue that she made her choices, there's nothing you could have done, she is strong willed, and all that English people like to speak when they don't want to accept responsibility. But if I want to be honest, there is something I could have done.
I could have prayed.
I read about my friend's life now and I fight back the tears. In her words I hear loneliness, hopelessness, despair, bitterness, hatred, regret, pain, sorrow....and all the things you do not want to hear from a young person. She has rejected God, because she feels he has rejected her. She feels this way because none of her friends prayed and held on for her.
But I love that it is not too late.
So first, I will repent for not doing my duty as a friend. Then I will pray for her like I do myself. I know she needs a hug from God. I know she wants it. And best of all, I know God wants her too.
So until the day I read a different story from her life, my prayer shall be "Lord, show her you love her, show her she has a right to be happy, show her she is beautiful because she is your child. But most important of them all, show her she needs you"
Won't you pray for my friend with mi?? ;)
xo
Posted by Mi at 15:12:00 0 comments
Labels: 2014, friend, friendship, Spring words
30 Apr 2014
Lagos - Sights and Sounds: Part 1
Adventures in a 'Keke-maruwa'
So I went to Bible study with my mum today. On our way back, we decided to take the infamous keke home. The first one we got into broke down after about 30 seconds. The engine simply went off, no apologies, nothing.
We got down from the machine and stood at the side of the road, trying to hail another to take us home. After 3 minutes, the broken down machine started up. But rather than pick us up, the driver simply sped past us. My mother goes 'After dropping us in the middle of nowhere, you now drove off without thinking twice, hyan' lol.
Finally, after about 20 kekes had driven past, we got one going in the direction we were headed. We got in and immediately noticed it was not empty as we imagined. There was a fairly large man sitting in the other corner at the back. When the keke began moving, the driver and the man began speaking a language that was either Ghanian or Igbo (my mother and I are not in agreement here lol). So at this point I'm thinking 'ok its dark and this is Lagos. If they try anything, we can jump out at the traffic light'. We turn the corner, the man drops off and the driver picks up two more passengers - more men - and mum and I calm down.
Trust Lagos, there is traffic.
We drive a few minutes and notice these girls trying to hail a cab across from us. Our driver acts as the middle man because, well, they couldn't see the taxi guy.
Girls: To Ajah.
Driver (to girls): He said #5000. You dey go? (Are you going?)
Girls: (gesture for him to move)
Driver (to taxi guy): They no get money. (They don't have money).
We all laugh.
Driver: They wan go Ajah this night na for club now. Before e go reach Ajah today eh.... (They want to go to Ajah this night for a club. With the traffic, they won't get there early).
Mi: But a taxi to Ajah though??
Driver and other passengers: You can just take bus to Shita. Then CMS, then you get Ajah straight. (You can take a bus to Shita, then to CMS and then get another one going from CMS to Ajah).
Mi: But they weren't dressed for bus hopping.
Driver: Eh no be to take am reach near Ajah. Then if they get a place like Shita for there, na to enter taxi N200 reach where you dey go. The people way you dey meet go see say na taxi you come with. Then runs gees fit tell the guy say the taxi na N7000. After all one girl do am to mi na. When we reach near the hotel, she tell mi say make I drop am, drop am. I talk say we never reach, na im she say she no wan make the guy see am.
(They can take the buses till they get close to Ajah. When they arrive at Ajah, if there is a place like 'Shita' close by, they can then get a taxi for N200 (Naira). The people they plan on meeting at Ajah would see them arrive in a taxi. For girls meeting their 'sugar daddies', they can simply tell him the taxi costs N7000. A girl has done it with him before. When he got close to the hotel she was going to, she asked him to drop her off so the man she was going to meet would not see her).
lol.
We arrived at our stop and dropped off. Here is the conversation with my mum:
Mum: I was just praying as soon as we got on that keke. I thought it was only the driver, only to see the big man at the back with him.
Mi: Mi too, I was worried for a second.
Mum: I was ready to hit his head with my book (a hardcover she came with) if they tried anything.
Mi: looool mum though?? I thought we could just jump out at the stop.
Mum: Yes I figured you'd have thought of that since you were at the edge. But I was prepared to tell you not to worry because I have my weapon with mi. I was ready to knock that his head self!! I thought the plan was to take us to Shita and drive off from there. Since we weren't going to Shita, I was ready to knock him until he agreed to drop us off.
Mi: O_o looool your mind has gone a bit too far though.
And that was my evening today.
xoxo
Posted by Mi at 15:55:00 2 comments
Labels: 2014, Bizarre tales, Funny, Keke, Lagos, mum and mi
12 Apr 2014
Family Affairs
Posted by Mi at 10:37:00 2 comments
11 Apr 2014
And the Father will Dance....
For some reason, I recalled the song we sang in high school. Don't remember the rest of the lyrics, but I recall the tune. Not sure why I thought about it either. Been feeling rather out of sorts recently. One thing I'm grateful for is my ability to mask it all with a smile and laughter. Gosh I am an expert at faking, should get a degree.
Thats off topic though....not that there really is a topic.
So the song had to do with God dancing I think, or a father.... (well, can't be any other choice). I just read a blog post about SIDS, a friend of a friend lost her baby girl and this song popped into my head. So I went and googled the lyrics. As I thought, it is in reference to God - should have guessed since it was a chapel song - and it talks about being renewed by God's love. Talks about.... I'll just post the lyrics here:
Refrain:
And the Father will dance as on a day of joy
He will exult over you and renew you by His love
Verse 1:
Shout for joy, all you, His people
Sing aloud and exult with all your heart
For Yahweh, your God is in your midst. (Refrain)
Verse 2:
You have no more evil to fear (2x)
Do not let your hands fall limp
For Yahweh, your God is in your midst. (Refrain)
Verse 3:
And when the time comes I will rescue the lame
And when the time comes I will gather the strays
And when the time comes I will be your guide
I will gather you in and give you renown
Among all peoples (Refrain)
Final:
He will renew you by His love
It probably has nothing to do with grieve or comfort, but it is what I thought about so thats how it is. I pray the souls of those little infants rest in peace, and God comforts and draws the families unto Himself. The worst tragedy a parent can go through is to bury his or her own child. The worst pain a child can go through, is to bury his or her parent before their time. I pray God's promise is fulfilled in all our lives.
xo
Mi
7 Apr 2014
Random Again :)
I have no idea what I want to write, but I simply feel like writing so here I am haha. This might turn into a rant about absolutely nothing, but we'll see.
So I am currently in my parent's house. First time in 4 years. Being in the country feels more weird actually. Being here is nice, the house I mean. Its just mi, mum and dad for now, and I must say, its been a lot more peaceful than I expected.
I spend most of the time with mum - did I mention I'm driving now?? So anyway, driving mum around, experiencing the horrors of traffic in this state first hand. Horrors is really the only description.
Haven't really done much in the area of socializing. Those are know are far away and too busy (apparently, everyone grew up while I was away). Those around I'm too lazy to try to get to know (making friends is a chore....) so thats that. (Save your judging please lol).
Odd though, I do feel kind of lonely. I mean I feel like I'm missing someone or something. Not necessarily my friends, haven't seen them in ages (besides the the ones in Japan). But just....someone/something.
Moving again by the way.... super far away this time....
Actually, I think these 'lonely' thoughts began after that lady planted it in my head last time I was moving. If she hadn't asked (Don't you get lonely? Are you running away from something??) I wouldn't have had these thoughts I think....
Ok, now this is getting dark. It was meant to be random speech day lol. Time to leave it means hehe.
Cheers
xo
2 Apr 2014
He's Back
He sent mi a message, and I forgave him.
I haven't heard what he has to say. He said he would explain. he doesn't know I have forgiven him, but the speed at which I did annoys mi.
I could have tried to stay mad.
It's like I can't be mad at him, and that annoys mi. Even more annoying is the fact that it seems I forgave him for mi, more so than for him.
But I won't tell him. And I can't see his face. Because he would know.
He probably already knows, but my pride needs some sort of balm. He doesn't need to know any more than he already does, how much I....
He's back and I think I have mixed feelings.
Kryptonite.
xo
Posted by Mi at 15:25:00 0 comments
Labels: 2014, Dear Diary, Hate, Love, Mixed feelings