This is Mi.

Today, I said no to my fling.
I called him over, drunk as hell, and with all intentions to do all shinanigans with him tonight. But then when he came over and we started talking, I realized a few things. 
One thing I realized was I din't want to be that girl. He is back with his girlfriend, and I realized I didn't want to be that girl who slept with the boyfriend of another girl. I realized I didn't want to be the girl he cheated on his girlfriend with. I know how that feels in a sense, and its not a positive ''I want to feel it too" feeling I can tell you that. 
Another thing I also realized is that I have a princess complex. I want to be treated like a princess. I want to be special. I want to be unique. I don't want a guy to come over to have anything to do with mi just because he is horny and needs to get it down - am not the whore queen, I want a guy to come over because he wants mi for mi. 
While this might be something obvious to most, it is actually a new discovery for mi. I have never really liked myself as most can tell. I live within the realms of "'I aint good enough for a lot of things". But at the same time, I realized I really do think of myself in a more positive sense than I thought I did. Even when I am drunk, which I am trying to recover from now. 
I just sent a guy home tonight, a guy I totally want to do in all manner of ways, and I should have done in my currently intoxicated state without question. The only problems he had were two things: he said he had a girlfriend, and he also said he came to mi tonight cause he felt I wanted/needed something from him.
He was wrong in one aspect.
I do want something from him, but I do not need that thing from him. 
I am happy and sad at the moment. Sad because I did not get to fulfill my wonderful desire to be with him. But happy because I know I would wake up tomorrow, look in the mirror and still be able to say to myself and my reflection "This is Mi".
I am a proud mofo and for the first time, I acknowledge and appreciate that fact.  I am too wonderfully and perfectly made to be some guys jerk off barbie. 


Funny thing is, I am still not sober yet. But I will not be sleeping or doing anything with anyone tonight, and the only guilty feeling I will be waking up with, will be of the reversible kind. 
If I aint special to you, we aint gonna be doing shit.


Case closed.