And the month ends....

Right now, I'd rather be mad at you than feel sad like I am. Cause being mad means I did't expect what you did, so it hurt. But being sad means somewhere in my heart I knew/suspected you would, wished you would prove mi wrong, but you didn't. It hurts even more. 

The truth is I really want to call you. I really want to hear your voice and talk to you. Well, more like listen to you talk, and seeing you happy. You're always happy, and that happiness always make mi feel better. 

But I can't. I can't because if I do, there are only two ways the inevitable conversation will go, and I hate both. Either you'd still not remember, which would hurt like hell; or you'd give some excuses that'd hurt even more. 

Did you know?? In years past, I always indirectly reminded you, for fear of you possibly forgetting. And now, the year I tried to have faith, you completely go as I feared. 

Lol. Someone seeing this may misunderstand, but oh well. I stopped caring a while back so....

Night

The month is finally over huh....was a long one.

Broken Record

There are some friends that make you feel like an addict and a begger all blended into one. 

An addict cause you feel the need to keep them in your life, you can't live without them you seem to think. Though unsaid, it's clear your more obsessed with their existence than they are yours. You try to quit them, but like a broken junkie, you keep relapsing. You try to stay away. 

'Maybe if I don't call this week, they'd notice and call mi'. Never happens. You barely make the week before you call; terrified that the silence would make you nonexistent in their lives. 

A begger because it seems you grovel for  their attention. You're ecstatic when they contact you on those rare occasions. Like Christmas came early and Santa chose you as 'Best Kid of the Year'. 

You beg them to keep in touch, all the while hating yourself slowly because you know they don't even realize what they are doing - the worst bloody aspect of the entire issue. 

Then they do something unfathomable. Like forgetting your birthday for instance. The one day you have always held dear; because no matter what, you know it is the God given day you can get your much desired fix. Your conversation with them. But they forget. 

With all the social media, you can't even find the usual excuses you make to justify their actions. 

They forget, and rather than being mad, you find yourself sad and disappointed. Mostly in yourself. It isn't a first - only before, you preempted the situation and performed damage control by reminding said person indirectly. 

Now you sit here wondering if 'friendship' is really the word to describe this dysfunctional relationship. 

You sit here, silently hoping they call - though it's been days. Cause like a love sick puppy, you'd forgive them anything as you both know in this relationship, you need them more. 

You know what I'm talking about, right?? No?? Well aren't you just the f'kn perfectly whole human?? 

Let the Little Children Come....

Most beautiful thing I've watched all day (link below). The only people on earth that deserve 100% happiness are babies in my opinion, because they alone can claim absolute innocence. They are too pure and beautiful to begin their lives tainted by the sting of abandonment. 

Definitely opening an orphanage some day. As soon as I can find a way to get an international location.... or just work for an international organization. That way, I get to help around the world, as I consider myself a citizen of earth.

Ok time for bed.... 

xo

The Drop Box (For babies)