Faked

She likes the night because she is free.
All is still at night, all is alone.
Thus the echoes of her loneliness blend right in.
The missing pieces in her smile go unnoticed.

She hates the day for she is bound.
The brightness shows it all, so she needs a mask.
To hide the tears and the emptiness of her heart.
And words to deafen the hallowing echoes from within.

1012 : 5 years future

Once again we are at the cross road,
Standing, staring, on either sides.
Once again here we are,
Yet the date reads 5 years future.


I hear your laughter, I see your tears.
I hear your promises, I see your fears.
I know your wishes, I recall your prayers.
Yet the date reads 5 years future.


It was yesterday we sang carols together,
It was yesterday you promised mi forever,
It was yesterday we made plans for tomorrow.
Yet the date reads 5 years future.


They say time heals all wounds,
They say that to mi and I try to believe.
They wipe my tears as my heart breaks to bits.
I pray soon the time they spoke of would be here.
Yet the date reads 5 years future....and I am still waiting.


In memory of the 60 who departed on 10/12/2005. In my heart you always will be. And till the day we meet once more, continue to smile and bring joy to all where you are, just like you did to us here until 5 years past....

So like Mi

I wish to yell, scream, curse, be blunt and be so....
unladylike.
I wish to jump, smirk, hiss, not give a shit and be so...
unladylike.
I wish to hit, scratch, bite, cause damage and be so....
unladylike.
But then I can't be bothered with the aftermath of fights, speeches and the act of reconciliation....
So like Mi.


I wish to be British polite, without the bashfulness of the Japanese,
and be so....unladylike.
I wish to be rude when necessary and blunt with the devil's smile,
and be so....unladylike..
I wish to tell you all i feel, not caring as tears run down if they do,
and be so....unladylike.
But then I can't be bothered with the aftermath of fights, speeches, letters and the act of reconciliation....
So like Mi.


I wish to show when I care, if ever, and when I don't care plainly,
and be so....unladylike.
I wish to say what I want to whomever as before, accepting that it might be the end,
and be so....unladylike.
I wish to smile at all times, and not discriminate among who I smile with a dagger to,
and be so....unladylike.
But then I can't be bothered with the aftermath of fights, speeches, letters and the act of reconciliation....
So like Mi.

....In the Silence....

Engulfed.
In the cone of silence,
She alone hears him.
Calling.
He is back....
Or maybe he never left.

Louder.
His colors bold as ever,
She alone can see them.
Bleeding.
He cuts her....
Or maybe the old wound reopened.

Mesmerized.
Trapped in his cold embrace,
Silent tears fall from her.
Mirrors.
He loves her....
Or maybe she hallucinates.

You.
Another walks in,
Silent tears like hers.
She hates him; She loves him.
For he is she, she is he.

Help.
She wants to scream,
No sound is heard.
In the still silence,
He alone hears her.
You alone understands her.
Neither of help to her.

She hears it,
She feels it,
She understands it.
That thing that fills the empty core,
Yet still leaves it empty.

....She....

Darkness engulfing,
closer, closer.
And no matter how hard she tries,
she can't seem to out run it.

Light receding,
faster, faster.
And no matter how hard she tries,
she can't seem to run to it.

Shakes subduing,
colder, colder.
And no matter how hard she tries,
she can't seem to get off the island.

Warmth retreating,
farther, farther.
And no matter how hard she tries,
she can't seem to get close enough to keep it.

Cycle rotating,
slowly, slowly,
And no matter how different the show seems,
she can't help but end up at the same finish line.

Story unfolding,
magically, magically,
And no matter how wonderful the play looks,
she can't help but end up with the same part, audience, all the time....

Reservoir Chronicles: I wish I could....

Take back all my care and worries,
take back all my frustrations,
take back all my sleepless nights,
take back all anxiety for you....
take it all back because you've made Mi feel so stupid.


Take back all the solutions I tried to think of,
take back all the rescues I did come up with,
take back all the fights I had because of you,
take back all the harshness I endured,
take it all back, because you've made Mi feel so stupid.


Take back ignoring what seems now as the voice of reasoning,
take back stressing since it seems this was all fake to you,
take back the day I said 'ok, I'll listen' because it seems cursed,
take back letting some emotions show rather than leaving the cage sealed,
take it all back, because you've made Mi feel so stupid.


Take back the times I smiled and said I cared,
take back the decades it seemed I spent praying for you,
take back the centuries it seemed I spent listening to you,
take back the millenniums it seemed I spent being angry for you,
take it all back, because you've made Mi feel stupid.


Tell myself this is the last time and know it is true,
tell myself I can walk away from it all and know I can,
tell myself that I really don't know why I feel so and believe it,
tell myself that this is for your good and be happy with that,
tell myself to make it better, because you've made Mi feel stupid.


A lass in the end, she still stands alone.... her greatest fear now a reality.... which road do we turn to now, I hear her unasked questions.... and in the silence, it remains so.... unasked, unanswered.... as I watch the chains fall back in place, and the locks close in once more....

Bleeding Coin

Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you quit and trust Mi,
tails you drag it all with you till hell.


Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you tell Mi why you won't trust anyone,
tails you get to keep your secret till hell.


Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you tell Mi how you really feel,
tails you get to be closed off till hell. 


Lets flip a coin for your heart,
heads I have it,
tails you win.
Heads you listen to Mi and my wishes for a change,
tails you get to be an asshole till hell.

When You are Mad

Why is it always like a roller coaster with you?? One minute you are smiling happily, and the next minute there is a war. She can't possibly make you happy, no matter how hard she tries. Yet you burden her with that seemingly impossible task. Fight as lovers, talk as friends, live as siblings and communicate as strangers. This undefined relationship is quite tasking.
But I guess this means nothing to you, as you don't care.
Selfish beyond comparison. It ached today. Funny how she feels nothing, but when it comes to pain, there seems to be a swinging door with a sign that reads 'Always Welcome'.
Sometimes you make her feel like the hopeless mistress, the other woman, in this illicit affair, where no one but you derives absolute pleasure. Which would be fine if this was so and you are always happy, but you are not and it is not.
You are miserable, and that's plain as day. All sides wish to curse you for forcing her to have to watch you willingly relive this nightmare that you call love, over and over till it seems you would break from it. All sides wish to curse you for putting her through this predicament and web of unwanted emotions. Yet as much as she wants to, she can't help but understand the fact that your sadness hurts her, and that it would be impossible for her to curse you. Even in jest.
Masochist you both are, no?? And I left to watch and wonder in semi disgust at the spectacle she makes, have to still look upon her with a weary eye. What happens to her with this game goes to far and she cannot separate herself from the web?? What happens to her if, by some miracle, you do get your fantasy dream??
You are both as similar as black is to white; as they are colors, and day is to night; as the are reps of time, yet just as different in some areas. You are both of the relationship between the sun and the moon, yet the part each of you plays is that is still but a mystery to Mi. I don't know if you are the sun and she the moon, or if she is the moon and you the sun sometimes. I do know you hurt her, in ways she can't even explain without coming off wrong.
*sigh
You would like to see her go wild?? Funny, the time seems close at hand....
These and much more I do ponder on when you are mad....

....All She Can....

She smiles then you smile,
She stays then you stay,
She laughs then you laugh,
She says she is leaving and your shattered.
Without her, you seem to fall apart,
And all she can do is watch you.


Her words give you breath,
Her voice gives you life,
Her sight gives you strength,
Her hatred is your worst fear.
Without her, you seem weak all over,
And all she can do is watch you.


In her palms rest your heart,
In her palms rest your soul,
In her palms rest your life,
One squeeze and you are off the cliff.
Without her, you are a lifeless doll.
And all she can do is watch you.


Would you ever be really happy?
Would you ever be really whole?
Would you ever be really free?
Would she ever tell you the truth?
....All she can do is watch you....

....Only a little bit....

I wish to see him everyday.
I wish to speak to him everyday.
I wish to see him smile everyday.
Maybe if I leave him a little he would notice.
Maybe I want him to miss Mi a little.

I wish he would dream of Mi everyday.
I wish he would think of Mi everyday.
I wish he would want MI everyday.
Maybe I want him just as miserable without Mi.
Maybe I want him to miss Mi a little.

I wish he would talk of Mi everyday.
I wish he would pine for Mi everyday.
I wish he would wish for Mi everyday.
Maybe I want him to come to adore Mi.
Maybe I want him to miss Mi a little.

I wish he spoke not of her everyday.
I wish he prayed not for her everyday.
I wish he longed not for her everyday.
Maybe I want him to come to choose Mi.
Maybe I want him to myself only a little.

Resevoir Chronicles: How did you feel?

Did it hurt when I said I too was letting go?
Did your heart come to a slamming stop,
And then restart as it broke into a million pieces?
Did it feel a little harder to breathe or was it all normal?
Come on, why the silence? We are playing your game here.
Tell mi how if felt, because I am sure I always feel ten times worse.


Did you feel your dreams turn into nightmares?
Did you feel the life you knew suddenly become foreign?
Did you feel a sudden dislike for Mi that you couldn't stop?
Did you feel helpless as you realized you couldn't let go? Or could you let go?
Come on, why the silence? We are playing your game here.
Tell mi how if felt, because I am sure I always feel ten times worse.

Reservoir Chronicles: Now, You Should Lie To Mi

Now why does my heart hurt when I see you?
Now why does my heart skip when I see you?
Now wait, my heart is dead, so what is that feeling?
Now wait, my heart is sealed, so what is that moving?


You had no right to come unlock my feelings and run away.
You had no right to merge my dreams with reality and then break away.
You had no right to give mi hope for normalcy and then rip it away.
You had no right to make mi smile for real and take the source away.


Should hate you for your fake smiles, but you would say we are the same.
Should hate you for your hidden emotions, but you would say we are the same.
Should hate you for your self-sacrifices, but you would say we are the same.
Should hate you for your unsystematic choices, but you would say we are the same.


Lie and tell Mi once more you do understand, and I would scream.
Lie and tell Mi you would try to change, and I would scream.
Lie and tell Mi you would become better, and I would scream.
Lie and tell Mi no more secrets, and I would scream.


To have and to lose, is a pain I am too familiar with.
To have and to lose, is a pain I have had to live with.
To have and to lose, is a pain I thought I was done with.
To have and to lose, is a pain you have reacquainted Mi with.


Mi, I think I am done talking and begging.
Mi, I think I am done crying and trying.
Mi, I think I am done wishing and hoping.
Mi, I think I have joined the others in letting you do as you wish.

Resevoir Chronicles: "Thats who I am"

I close my eyes and I see your tears,
I close my eyes and I see your smile,
I close my eyes and I see you saying goodbye,
I close my eyes, and all I see is you.

I am aware of how you feel,
I am aware of how you think,
I am aware of how you are,
I am aware I dont comprehend the logic behind it all.

You always say whats on your mind,
You always say how you feel,
You always do as you please,
You always....its always about you.

You say you are listening,
You say you do understand,
You say you know what I am talking about,
You say a lot of things you don't mean.

Deciding when to come, you came.
Deciding when to leave, you left.
Deciding we be intimate, it did not matter.
Deciding all this, you did alone, we have/had no say.

Deciding the story, you make the play.
Deciding the characters, you act the part.
Deciding the ending, you take the bow.
Deciding the audience....wait, where do we come in??

Can I say....

'That's enough' is your standard response,
Who would have guessed it was never words alone?
I have been running in circles,
Am calling it quits now. Taking a rest.

'Thats my best friend' you say a lot.
Who can believe when it's always a lie.
I am tired of begging, talking, this circular journey.
Am finaly giving you your wish, I'll tell you good bye....

I wish I could say....

"That's who I am"

Reservoir Chronicles: Emotic Alien (Sequel )

Juxtaposed fountain of emotions,
Emotions that dispute themselves.
Selfish, spoiled, juvenile and problematical.
Lovable, adorable, beautiful and child like.

Insatiable sun of a gun,
Perfection can only happen your way,
All other lanes are closed, only what you say goes:
In your little world and the real one too.

Lost and lonely kitten,
Fragile yet strong, strong yet fragile.
Sometimes with your heart at the tip of our fingers,
Scared to breathe for fear we drop it and kill you.

Now locked up away in chains forever,
Your heart does seem. Cold to behold through your eyes.
You choose to run and save yourself; from what, I don't know.
Forgetting that once out, a heart freed can never be relocked the same.

Reservoir Chronicles: Emotic Alien

Terror,
Unexplainable terror chokes mi,
As the expression on your face changes.
Pain,
Unexplainable pain pierces mi,
As I see the look now in your eyes.
Fear,
Unexplainable fear captivates mi,
As you turn and I think you are to leave.
You pause and ask for a reason to stay,
And tears are the only response I can bring up.

I can't find the words to explain to you how I feel.
Yet the terror for the pain that accompanies your reaction
to my lack of explanation,
Is worse than the terror that chokes mi with your expressions.
How do I tell you its not you I fear, but the idea that is you?
How do I tell you that first impressions for mi begin with fear,
and people always begin on pillars?
how do I tell you that my own self esteem,
or lack of it thereof,
Leads mi to think everyone an angel,
Till I find that which makes them human again?
A lass, how do I tell you that for you, I have found many a human factors,
But still, none strong enough to break this?

My hands are shaking,
I can already feel you leaving.
My voice is shaking,
I can already feel you gone.
How do i stop you?
It seems like every step I take is a mile from you,
But then again, I notice there was already a milestone crater
before us,
And that, I had nothing to do with.

So I watch us fall into an awkward silence,
And I count the seconds with my clock
As it ticks away.
Knowing in a few minutes you would say 'I am leaving',
And I would sigh because there is no way to stop you.
Knowing you would walk out the door, and in a little while,
follow with a message.
Knowing I would now wish this dream, now nightmare, were but only
a dream.
And the clock would continue to tick away....

Venus and Mars, and all Hell in between....

I. Am. Really. Tired.
This close to throwing in the towel and saying screw it. I haven't had this much drama in my life in such a long time, and worse still, I haven't had this much drama that I am 'unrelated' to half of in as long as I can remember, and besides stressing mi out, it is really really starting to get on my nerves. You know the five stages of grieve thing - Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance?? Well I think I went through the first in seconds cause I was beyond shocked and all when I first heard, and then skipped to the fourth. I was stuck there for a little bit, but I think I am now back on track at the second.
Boys are devinately from mars, women from venus, and parents are from the now un-planeted planet, pluto. Mi, I am from the planet Zowrocks, so thats mainly why I cannot understand any of them.
In the first place, why people bother to have so many complicated emotions about life, whcih by the way is so fleeting, is beyond mi. Why can't they all just decide that life is short and so lets have fun, rather than having to include useless emotions such as the all time favorite 'falling in love'. Come on!!
Ok yes, I would admit that there are those who, visual only, seem to have mastered this act and are perfectly fine with that inclusing. And I am not saying it is bad, I guess not entirely. But if it causes so much sadness and pain, at least get the sense to know that maybe you havent mastered it, and now would be a good time to quit for a while. Get some fun.
As for the parents, really stressing over 'whats my child gonna become' is way too much stressing. And yes, I am probably talking cause I don't have kids, but I think if one is more free spirited, and trusting, life would fall into place. I am not saying wash your hands off the little brats, cause then they turn into monsters and all hell breaks loose, but I think trusting their choices once in a while wouldn't be so bad.
And as for the female race....If God had not had such a sense of humor, I think it would have been easier if men and women had the same brains. That way, things would not have to be so dang on complicated, and people would be able to have smoother and easier conversations. But he does have one. A sense of humor I mean. So here we are, stuck with two different languages. Tower of Babel all over a gain. Except here there are ony two groups, trying to hold a conversation in two different languages....Sigh.
Ok back to my dang research papper....don't even get mi started on where I think Professors are from, and what I feel is the just thing to do to that planet....don't

Unchanged

Tears unshed,
Tears unshedable.
Pain unmeasured,
Pain unmeasurable.
Screams unheard,
Screams unhearable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Words unsaid,
Words unsayable.
Thoughts unshared,
Thoughts unshareable.
Things undone,
Things undoable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Time unwound,
Time unwindable.
Things undone,
Things undoable.
Mistakes not undone,
Mistakes not undoable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Emotions unnoticed,
Emotions unnoticable.
Feelings unshared,
Feelings unsharable.
Death unacomplished,
Death unacomplishable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Things ungotten,
Things ungettable.
Wishes unanswered,
Wishes unanswerable.
Desires unmet
Desires unmeetable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Faults unblamed,
Faults unblamable.
Problems unsolved,
problems unsolvable.
Help unatained,
Help unatainable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.
Yet, still remains, unbeating.

....Her letter to Mi....

Dear you,

I would tell you about my frustrations. About how I feel hopeless and impossibly useless because I cannot do anything for them who matter to mi, but sit and watch as they crumble in different ways before me. 

I would tell you about how I watch them cry in near fascination and despair, because while I want to ease their pain and help them, I still envy them simply because they are free to shed their tears. 

I would tell you about how pathetic my life has become. About how I have given up on personal 
happiness, a term I know no meaning to, and now depend on them, among others, for my happiness. Thus when they are unhappy, I am at a loss for both worlds are in disorder, as the life line saving both has been temporarily (we hope) severed. 

I would tell you about how I wish I could be with them forever. For then my fears of the dark and lonely minutes that accompany it would be eased, as I would no longer be alone. 

I would tell you about how I close my eyes at night with nightmares of the future. Afraid to stay awake for fear of my thoughts, I run to sleep and am slapped back to earth by the nightmares that plaque mi. So I wrestle with the gods of thought and dreams, until dawn comes and I have to resume as usual.

I would tell you about the terrors I feel, when I look into the vast emptiness that is called my future. No plans, no strict ambitions, not direction. Never has it been so empty, and never have I had to wrestle with the enemy called 'Unknown' for this long. There is no 'store away' box big enough to hide this and so I wake to this companion, ever faithfully, everyday. I would tell you about how their smiles and happiness and 'I love you's seem to redeem a part of mi, and I feel like I am....

....I would tell you all these things and more, but there is no you, and neither is there a thing to tell....nothing to tell, no one to tell it to....a lass forgive mi, for I have wasted your time....

She.

A funny weeping heart.

Funny how people believe we to be lovers,
though I know truly what goes on beneath the covers.
Funny how my heart stands firmly in one place,
though my emotions take every turn in the maze but the right,
all ending as the first case.

Funny how you always make mi laugh,
yet the emotion never reaches my heart.
As the fear of loosing you chokes mi like a scarf,
and paralyzed, I try to capture the moment, cause I feel
deep down it would not last.

Funny how I am always with you yet I constantly feel alone,
we talk a lot, but never seem to say anything real.
And though I know I am closest to you this side of the ocean,
it makes mi sad that that knowledge, in reality is nothing but
an illusion.

If I knew the meaning of love, I might say I did you.
If I knew the meaning of happiness, I might say I felt with you.
If I even had emotions, I might try to express for you.
But a lass to mi, these are all elusive.
And so I remain amused by the funny things I see,
from a certain funny weeping heart....

Flip Side

Sometimes I wish I was a star,
so all my troubles and embarrassments
would be behind mi.
For though men would still get to see them,
It would not matter for I would be a million
miles long gone.

But then the troubles did have their turn,
and for the embarrassments, the people did
have their fun
For though man saw them too late,
other stars watched as they occurred.

Sometimes I wish I were a mother,
and my child remained but an infant.
For then it would love mi unconditionally,
and I would not need to prove myself so much,
or try to please so hard.

But then the infant did grow,
and its teenage years did glow.
Then the sweet obsession of old,
now became a delight sometimes so
painful to behold.

Sometimes I wish I were a bird,
with no mind of my own to worry.
For then I would truly believe that all will
be provided in a hurry,
and trust alone rather than try to help.

But then the eagle flies,
and my youngs as meals die.
And I am forced to think,
and worry about what tomorrow might bring.

Sometimes I wish I was the wind,
freely moving in the world as I see fit.
For I would go and see all that my heart pleases,
without worrying about who or what the cost upsets,
or something worthwhile I must do as I move.

But then the storms did come,
and destruction did it cause.
Then the son of man searched for ways,
to curb and put the wind in its place.

Lilith's Game

There once was a girl,
who lived under a spell.
She cried up a well,
but dreamt in a shell.

There once was a girl,
Who rolled down to a cell,
She prayed the guards would tell,
but got to rot in hell..

I once knew of this lady,
fair beauty, quite contrary.
Had the pure smile of a baby,
But the deceitful heart of the enemy.

I once knew of this lady,
who sang more beautiful than the canary.
Her laugh made the males crazy,
But with a blade she produced the grand finale.

There once was a creatress,
Who built worlds of lies.
Men poured in gold and blood at her requests,
While she watched their dieing hearts try desperately to rise.

There once was a seductress,
men named the destroyer.
For they built her a fortress,
while their hearts burned in fire.

The tale of he, Seductive Destroyer

Here lays the heart of that woman,
broken, battered, bruised and forgotten.
Here lays the soul of the man,
wasted, abused and in need of redemption.
They danced with love, child of fate,
and thus their tale of woe unfolded.

Here lay the tears of that woman,
Salty, in abundance, like the dead sea.
Here flows the blood of the man,
slashed in vengeance, the cold dish of revenge.
The fueled and listened to rumored lies, child of fate,
and thus their seal of doom now resounds.

Lilith's Tale

1. Once many moons ago I sat.
And in sitting, I watched.
The vast darkness was still,
Until a crow dropped through my window's door.
Disturbing the peace.
Startled.
2. Most disturbed was I,
for the dark bird was large,
that I had to scoot to accommodate its wings.
'Are you hurt?' I asked,
feeling obtuse as I did.
Startled.
3. 'A thousand years I have flown,
seeking rest from my master.
yet no human but you has asked
'Are you hurt?' in care of my well being.
Startled.
4. My winged visitor sat up,
And I could feel the royalty.
I saw the woman,
I saw the bird,
But never did I see one on its own.
Startled.
5. I got off my seat, not sure of my response.
Never had I faced royalty,
much less one with wings.
The winged guest smiled.
Startled.
6. It was beautiful.
A smile so serene yet captivating,
A smile not human, yet not frightening.
I took a step to it then asked.
'Master you say?'
Startled.
7. It retracted its wings.
The most painful sight I did see.
Then it spoke.
'If Lilith doth tell you a tale,
would the human be opposed to a house guest?'
Startled.
8. It had a name.
Once called the bride of Lucifer.
Once called the first born of the Devil.
Once called first bride to Adam.
And this wished to tell a tale.
I wished to hold....
Startled.
9. The guest walked to I, Lilith was it?
'The tale I know of is of a seductive darkness,
One owned by the destroyer.
should you doth hear, accompany me?'
Startled.
10. Bells of warning did go odd,
But of what they warned I knew not of.
The mystical beauty before me,
was like none other I had seen.
I had to have.
Startled.
11. 'A tale of what do tell?'
My voice hoarse with the flue.
Yes, the flu.
For that it had to be.
As the alternative was Eros,
My morality shot.
Startled.
12. Lilith the being smiled,
and took a seat in my stead.
For one fleeing a master,
mighty comfortable was she.
Startled.
13. 'What is thy master?
What is thy crime?'
Morality of mine, shattered.
'A tale and a house guest are welcome,
though one room alone exists' said I,
in a voice that was not I.
Startled.
14. Lilith smiled and patted her side.
To the floor went I,
like the eager lamb to slaughter.
Voice as silk as honey,
yet of what she spoke I know not of.
Startled.
15. Night to day, day to night.
Until at last time merged with delight.
Lilith the queen had a tale,
And I the sheep gave my ear.
Startled.
16. Wings grew, blacker by day.
Man shrunk, smaller by night.
Feet ached, I looked.
Is that a feather's tail I see?
Her voice calleth,
In silk it doth did, and I responded.
Startled.
17. Master's tale was over,
and now we must leave.
I remember there is something I had wished to do.
Something of a sinful pleasure too.
But there is a journey to ascend.
Master did spread her wings and to the sky we went.
Startled.
18. Once many moons ago I sat,
lost in thoughts till fluttering feathers,
my view did bother.
At my window flew a crow,
Clawing eagerly to get in.
With a smile I rose, and my curtains did I close.
Startled.
How silly. Never did I like crows.

Resvoir Chronicles: My Protective Charm

He broke pieces of his heart and left them as we walked.
I walked behind him, sometimes beside him, and watched
them shatter as they fall.
We got to a great lake and there we stopped,
And I walked back to pick them all while he slept.

They were pretty colors of shades of red,
Glistered in the moon light for all to see.
I would have dropped them but for one thing,
Those pretty little pieces did still beat.

So sorrowful and painful was their tone,
that my heart ached and bleed for him.
So in this box I have gathered and mended,
till they now form one sorrowful beat.

I add each piece as it falls,
remending the parts he has lost.
And until that day when his heart is none,
And he comes to mi with a plea to go on.

Till that day when his heart is none,
and I must return that I have to let him live on.
Within my chains of protective charm,
shall the pieces remain locked, protected, sealed and
Unharmed.

Seductive Illusion

She sits and smiles at the clear blue skies,
In just a moment he would come by,
In just a moment she would look up and smile.
He holds out the flowers and box of chocolate,
Perfect date it seems, till she tries to receive,
and finds out when its too late.
The pictures crumble,
Her smile fumbles.
Suddenly the skies are not so blue,
His image no longer true.
The bell rings and she opens her eyes,
A tear rolls down as she remembers and cries.
Remembers once more her perfect world of lies.
Yet another flirty moment with a seductive illusion.

Reservoir Chronicles: Parallel Universe

Walking the same path,
Two lines they are.
Seeing the same things,
But at different times and different views.

Wanting the same things,
These lines I see,
Yet feeling so alone,
For the other just went by a second ahead.

You don't see the footprints in the sand, do you?
I ask one line.
Take a break from your run and pause, would you not?
I ask the second.
Yet to the finish they both run,
Only to get there alone and begin the journey back,
Alone once more.

Two lines they are,
Parallel yet of the same goal.
Both wishing to meet the other,
Both believing the other is fine alone.
Both being sadly wrong in their conclusions.

Two lines they are,
And like mi, lies are their favorite companions,
For they believe the other is happy,
And in the other's happiness, they would find theirs.
But in this triangle we know,
That is but an aged old maid's tale....

Would you slow down and watch the sun set with mi?
I ask one.
Would you slow down and watch the sun set with mi?
I ask the other.
And then I silently pray,
That they both heard 'sunset',
And they both make it to her slow descent,
So at some point in the sun's return,
The two universes would become one again.

Your Silence

Your silence is like a knife,
Slashing deeper and deeper as it extends.
Your voice is like a salty balm,
Painfully calming the wound the knife burned in,
Until the next season of ur 'silent' attack.
I wonder which she craves for more.

As painful as it sounds,
I understand that she cannot force upon you,
That which she still cannot accept herself.
Yet this realization hurts the more,
So she silently weeps.

Would you be so kind as to cut the link entirely,
So the wound may at least begin to heal?
Though I fear you are so oblivious
that you do not see the trail of destruction you leave in your wake.
I beg you, have pity.

Its not fair for mi to be mad at you.
Its not fair for her to be sad alone.
Thus I am for once grateful to fate.
For she has placed you and her oceans apart,
And soon she would no longer long for your voice.
For in her lonely sorrows,
She may become content in the knowledge that
Your silence is all that she can have.

Goodnight.

Japan 2010 Slide

Okay I know I have been really bad with communication and uploading pictures, and I truly am sorry for all that (lol) please forgive mi. Now that that is cleared, in the hope that this would atone for some of my sins, I have put together a short slide show of my stay in Japan so far. You know I do not do this....ever....so pls think about all the time and effort I put into this and do forgive okay? (Yes the last line was to someone in particular....><)

As much fun as I had putting this together, I figured you would know that mi writing the names of the people in the slides was as good as mi showing up at your door step right now, not gonna happen, sorry! But still, here is a little bit of what I have been doing in Japan so far. As for the others from this half, you would have to wait till I return :)

Enjoy the video and feel free to leave comments at the end, always welcome....

Fire

So because someone has now become an official Fcktard tonight, I have to sit here and count sheep or something through what is threatening to become a resumption of painful agony. The lighter wont work, and I sit here trying to breathe through all this, when it could have all been over ages ago with a quick match. And don't ask Mi why genius fcktard over here cannot ask someone, any freaking person here since this is smoke central, for a lighter because thats another book.

The depression would hit in the morning, and then I would have to baby sit. Which is another thing I blatantly would love to avoid. Why do I have to be the one with both the care and don't give a shit emotion when it comes to her? I wish she would just drop all....oh gosh, I wont be able to handle it if she cries. The damn would break and a nervous break down would be even closer....

Breathe....Breathe....Breathe....Breathe....

If she had the balls, she would have started off with the one she all but stalks now, but lets face it, the rationalization that one must first love one's self in order to accept love or care from another was invented with her as the foundation. So that would not be happening for a while. And I know my current loathsome feeling is not helping the situation, but it cannot be helped.
I wanted it burned dammit!

But why won't it work? The more she tries, the closer the tears come and the more frustrated i get. It is glued shut, and without a clear reason for this, her frustration is unfathomable at the moment! Please help. I need fire tonight or there would be a different kind of burning, one that she, and maybe Mi, might not survive or recover from....

日本 + Arabian Nights + いもとうのふく + 6 inches=....

So I have been postponing this post for the better part of my stay thus far, maybe out of some wish for a divine understanding of the situation I am in now. But since the intervention has not come yet, I would go ahead and post.
I find the Japanese guys' costume (because that is what it is) nothing short of amazing! The boys have three main attires from what I can tell, and two of which are part of the subject of this monologue.

First off, the Younger sister collection.
When did it become generally acceptable for boys to wear very tight fitting capris, most tighter than any pair of pants I own!?! I was mostly alarmed when I realized it was more than a select few who chose this as the attire of the day. I have nothing against the Japanese fashion sense (I feel I should point this out before we go on), but dang those capris! I am sorry, but a guy in capris cannot really expect mi to take him all that seriously! Then the ones who decide to accessorize theirs with an assortment of pink belts, chains and stars, yet swear that they stick to clams are a very interesting bunch I must say. You know there is a problem when your boy friend's pants are not only tighter or just as fitting as yours, but are also more brightly colored than yours!
Note: There is nothing manly about wearing a pair of capris. There is nothing masculine about wearing a pair of brightly colored capris. It is most distracting....lol

Now we go to Arabian nights.
I must say, for something so out of the norm, these kids can pull it off! Sure they look like they are meant to star in Disney's Aladin, but do they pull them off. It looks pretty comfortable I must say, and would definitely not fair well worn in America, but they look perfect in them. lol.

Ah the blessed 6 inch heels.
I love heels. I have more heels than regular shoes, and more shoes than clothes, so believe mi when I say I love and have nothing against them. But there is nothing that would possess me to wear 6 inch heels to class on a daily basis! Aside from the fact that Carbondale's road does not provide room for such luxury, 12 hours in heels is not fun for anyone.
This is why I have to respect the Japanese girls, or at least the ones here for their tenacity! These babes rock heels, not lower than 4 inches, to class everyday. I stare at the shoes and I am like 'OMG that is gorgeous' but then I look at the sky and go 'Its freaking 12pm now, is she gonna be in that for the rest of the day?' But they rock it. At least some of them do. Some you feel the need to walk behind because you are sure she will fall over in the next minute, or you feel super sorry for because she looks like she is in pain.
But dang, the do have some very gorgeous very expensive shoes!

So now that I have come here and realized that the reality of my dream extended more than 2 months in Japan, I have of course, as we all know, began the process of a more extended stay. lol. Would let you know more about that in detail later.
Now off to study for my 単語と感じ quiz, as I continue to question myself and my sanity for this....lol.
Dang, do I love Japan!

P.O.D

There are very few fucking things I hate. So for you to do one of those and get mi this riled up, you know there is or has been a problem. For starters, let mi let you know that the concept of 'bros before hos' is such bs, it aint even funny. It is just as stupid as its reverse, 'hos before bros'. No one controls the heart, and those who try to do, end up being sadder and more stressed out that they need to be.

Why the freak do guys (most) feel the need to decide, on their own, what girls they would step aside from to let their 'bros' in on, and what girls work well either way? I mean I get the fact that there is a need to be considerate, but pls, we are not fucking toys or note books! We do have feelings, can decide for ourselves what we want, and damn well do not want to be tossed from one guy to another, fought over though we know not what about, or get our decisions made for us 'because we deserve better'. Really, listen when you are spoken to and life would be swell.

I am tired.
I am tired of her talking constantly in my head and driving mi crazy because she feels like she is being ignored. I am tired of him ignoring her and causing her to get mi this crazy. I am tired of having to feel gross and disgusted over and over because of her. And most especially, I am tired of the self-loathing. Really, she needs help, and I am tired of trying to give it to her. She needs help, and I am tired of trying to be the one without the psychology degree, trying to administer pshyc help nevertheless.

I am tired, so this is why I ask you for your help. She says she wants change, then force her to change. She says she wants something new, then force her to go for it. She says she wants him, then for fucks sake, make her try, just this once, to get him. Because I fear that soon my sanity would break. I fear that soon I would no longer be able to love her as I do now. I fear that soon I would hate her, and then in turn hate them, and thus in turn make this world a living hell for all of us.

So to make that not happen, I ask that you take care of her. Just this one time. Change her as she wants to be changed. Make her as she wants to be. Let her look in the mirror and see what you want her to see. Let her be who she wants to be. Idcare how much it costs, Idcare how much it would take, but I do care how long it would take. Let her get a change, before the end of the summer, to look in the mirror and really smile. To look in and decide that she truly does look good today. Not that her make up looks good enough to hide the other flaws, or everyone is too drunk to remember anything that happened, but that she would look in, see herself as she is or has become, and fall in love with that person, no matter what the reaction from others is about.

'We'll talk about it later!' Really mi dear, get some pussy and readjust your center of gravity. Switching sexes.... shit focus sometimes....lol

Dark Passenger

Last night he spoke,
the dark one. The single Passenger.
She tried not to listen to his words, but as the night drew on,
it got harder and harder.

Last night he called,
And she found it harder to resist.
The end looked even more gorgeous and she wanted to go.
Beauty seemed to reside there alone.

Last night her heart, if it doth still exist, bled.
She bled for that which she wanted.
Did not know she wanted till it was gone,
Did not know she wanted till she lost it.

Last night he yelled,
and she partly complied.
She wanted to do as he said, because it seemed like it would be better.
She wanted to do as he said because it seemed freer.

He was taken from her even before reality set in,
He was taken from her even before her heart could return,
And that which took him from her is sadly one of her own.
Lost in this maze, she is.

Let her out.
She does not want to want him if she cannot have him.
Let her out.
She does not want to hate if there is no need for it.
Let her out.

So now she shall sit, in disgust with herself.
Now she sits, wondering when the next breakdown shall hold.
Now she shall sit, knowing he, she cannot and probably will never have,
Now she shall sit knowing he was kinda into her.
As a voice she would be perfect,
As a sign, she would be perfect.
So is her dilemma, so is her sight, so is her fate.

But tonight once more she worn.
Tonight once more, the dark passenger has receded.
Tonight once more, her chains are freer, her cage wider.
Tonight once more, she lives.

Them and I

Its almost 3am here in Japan and once again, I can't sleep. No news here.
I just started the series Dexter this week and finished Season 1 today, and I think it might be best for mi to take a break from the show. But we all know that's not going to happen.
I live for this. lol.
But then it occurred to mi why I cannot always immediately identify with the victims when I read of a murder, especially serial killer case, and why I did not do so well on my Victimology class.

I sympathize with the killers.
No, before you ask, I do not agree that murder in any form is good. But I find myself drawn to their story. I want to know why they kill, what pushed them to it, what could have been stopped in the beginning to prevent them from having what we 'regular' people have dubbed a 'normal life', and have perfected the act of faking.
When Dexter killed the last victim in season 1, I felt the loss. It is so strange how I felt my emotions change even as I knew that the death was approaching. For those who watch Dexter, you would understand why this doesn't entirely fall under victimology. At least in my logic.

If only Harry had made a better decision, who knew what difference that would have made. But then without Harry's personal input, I would not have a show.
I guess its safe to fall back on the all too popular saying, 'everything happens for a reason'. But you have to wonder, what sort of divinity is this Fate people blame for all, if it allows a child to be abandoned after watching murders, knowing fully well that that would bring about a serial killer in the future? Yes there is the claim that there is a need to balance the universe, a need for a balance of life and death, and that serial killers, as well as other killers, in their own bizarre and sometimes gruesome way, help fulfill this cause. But is there really no other way for the cause to be fulfilled than this? To doom one to die and the other to take the life, thereby dooming them both?

They say when you take a life, you give up a piece of your soul. Its the law of equivalence. But when you take a life, you release a soul. How is that a balance? A soul is out, and a piece of yours leaves. Everything that has a beginning has an end. One has to wonder, what happens when the last piece of your soul leaves? Does the balance not now shift, now that your soul, which giveth and taketh from the universe, has now given all of itself, but taken nothing in exchange?

I sit here and wonder about all these things. Criminology and Victimology all have the same foundation according to people: To help the victims. But I think people forget a fundamental difference between the two. While the victims in Victimology are in fact those who are hurt or those who loose the hurt, the victims in criminology are truly those who do the hurting. They are victims either to society, to law, to their health or to something Fate has whipped out of her own hat for the sake of balance.
This is why I do not hold fate responsible for the balance in my life. For if that's the case, then when do I know she needs mi as the next exchange for balance?

The Breakdown: Confrontation

She woke up drenched with sweat, the pain in her chest almost unbearable. There was nothing in the room as usual, but still she looked around. The clock said 3.00am, but she was sure that had to be wrong. Because if it was right, then it meant she had only managed to sleep for thirty minutes. Thirty damn minutes! A month ago, if only, her most detested phrase, would never have been her sing song. A month ago, she would never have guessed that there was a possibility for a still heart to have a wound carved in that hurts even when it refuses to beat. A month ago, she would never have watched her (http://mi-herownworld.blogspot.com/2010/05/shattering-dreams.html).
She lay back on the bed, wondering what she was to do next. Sleep was definitely not forth coming as she had now come to find out, and her thoughts needed to be kept at bay, as they always led to destruction, not a good thing for her in case one was wondering. She glanced at the study table looking at the pile of books she was meant to have read. Suddenly a train passed by breaking the almost deafening silence, and though the sudden sound was startling, she found herself missing it as it faded. The silence seemed to reecho, and with it, others seemed to wake (http://mi-herownworld.blogspot.com/2010/05/things-she-fears.html).
Her most dreaded dream came back to haunt her, and this sleep she knew she would be forced to ride out. She sat in the big room amongst others, all awaiting the same thing. Except with her, she felt those who had come to wait on her were expecting more. What a scary predicament she was in. on the one hand, her self-loathe and definite disappointment she seemed well enough to handle. Years of experience had thought her so. But on the other hand, theirs she was not sure she could take on. Suddenly her name was called, and the others seemed to fade away. She was alone, about to face a crowd of expectations and long lost dreams (http://mi-herownworld.blogspot.com/2010/05/blank-pages.html).
Day is here at last, and her sentence to hell has come to a pause. She gets up, showers and dresses. She puts on the appropriate amount of makeup, not too much to draw the attention, but just enough to cover the scars. The smile is turned on and the eyes begin to twinkle. She turns off the house lights, walks out the house and says a bright hello to all that pass her by (http://mi-herownworld.blogspot.com/2010/05/who-would-believe.html).
So now that you have heard her tale, write her a bed time story to help her day. One that rhymes and brings a real smile to her lips. Not the one she currently owns, that she gets for free, but one she can have and hold. If you do decide to take on this mission, click below and send the tale with the name you wish to be addressed by:
tiazmi@gmail.com

Then refresh the tales in 30 mins (for thats how long she has to sleep), and watch the smile you have given her unfold....
She lives to love, she loves to live, she lies to love, she lies to live….

Who would believe....

If she told them she was not as shinny within,
If she told them the glitter was surface wise only,
If she told them at the end they face a fall,
Who would believe?

If she told them she was scared and alone,
If she told them it was now far too late,
If she told them the hands of time showed no mercy,
Who would believe?

If she told them her fate had mislead,
If she told them the blame was misplaced,
If she told them she despised she more,
Who would believe?

If she told them the pain was there,
If she told them it was not an excuse,
If she told them her punishment was worse,
Who would believe?

If she told them how she tried,
If she told them how she feared,
If she told them how she fought,
Who would believe?

She dreamt of a happy ending,
She dreamt of that long awaited smile,
She dreamt of that final pride,
But now at the end,
Who would believe?

Shattering Dreams

She watches the chips fall off,
One, then two, then another still.
She watches the paint wash off,
A stroke, then two, then another still.
She watches the picture fade,
A scene, then two, then another still.
She watches her world crash,
A piece, then two, then another still.
And as she watches her shattering dreams,
The tears still won’t fall.

She watches the story change,
One line, then two, then another still.
She watches the faith despair,
One inch, then two, then another still.
She watches the scenery move by,
One, then two, then another still.
She watches the color fade,
One tint, then two, then another still.
And as she watches her shattering dreams,
The tears still won’t fall.

Is it pride that holds them in?
Is it fear that keeps them sealed?
Is it fate that she has come to accept?
Is it her nightmare that has now merged with reality?
Is it disbelieve and false hope that hold her still?
What is it that keeps her still heart still still;
Even as she watches her shattering dreams fall at her feet?

Things She Fears

Silence is a terrible bed mate,
But suspense is a vengeful lover,
And failure, the unrequited love.
In unison, my heart’s breaker.

The reaper is a dutiful collector,
But the movie player is like the Russian mob.
And the cause is the coy mistress.
The union holds the tag: DON’T FUCK WITH.

The numbers cut like knives,
But letters drain the blood. Slowly. Surely.
And the fallacy in her hopes is like a salty balm,
In their union, she toys with death.

She has opened Pandora's box,
Slowly but surely it is unveiled.
The world shall soon bear witness,
Of her self-doctored execution,
And they shall watch the first outpour in disappointed silence,
Not caring for the story that led up there in.

Blank Pages

Blank page sits before mi,
Like the book of judgment.
I sit here waiting for the words to appear.
I sit here waiting for the invisible ink to move across.
Writing my sins,
Dirtying the now beautiful white with black, brown and crimson.

Blank page stares back at mi,
Like the book of judgment.
What would the ink write?
What details would it leave out?
The world awaits, and I shudder in fear.
For they must turn to hate and disgust after my sins are revealed.

Blank page sits before mi,
Like the book of judgment.
Would it be enough to hold my transgressions?
Or would another blank paged stare need to be endured?
A bitter laugh bubbles up as I realize like one vain at death’s door,
I wonder more about my appearance than I do the vast sins I posses.

Blank page stares back at mi,
Like the book of judgment.
Funny isn’t it; that we are back at this?
Then I wished to have a longer leash,
But now I see that the shorter was better,
As being yanked back from a great distance hurts a lot more.

Blank pages sit before mi,
Like the book of judgment.
Don’t judge mi is what I wish to say,
I had my reasons is the explanation I have to give.
But as I stare back at the soon to be disappointed stares,
I save my breath.

Blank pages stare back at mi,
Like the book of judgment.
Soon I know it would hold my sins,
My deceit, my lies and my failures.
And though I have enough reasons to make my case before the judge,
I fear sadly, this jury is worse than he.

Deadly weapon

She hides from them in hope that he looses focus,
the things she does to get him to notice her,
she counts in his absence, not minding who is around.
A crush she calls it, but destruction I do.
She hates it.
For it reminds her of how she was and her insecurities.
She hates her.

He adores another and there is no helping it.
She is a friend, and there is no helping it.
No matter how much seduction she puts in,
Its too late.
He adores another and there is no helping it
She is a friend and there is no helping it.

No matter how much seduction she thinks she puts in,
Its too late, he adores another, she can't hurt that other.
And she does not work seduction.
Life's a bitch aint it?

So I shall remain the suicide watch,
As she is too far gone to tell.
Too bad she always wants what she cant have or cant keep.
Life is a bitch, and she is living it

Reservoir Chronicles: The Punisher

She binds herself in ropes of steel,

in mental torture that puts mi in semi-agony.

What heinous crime has she committed,

that she would choose her self-torture to be so?

We hold our breaths as the egg-shells we walk on crack,

for today might have her awoken blank.

Or sad, or depressed, or filled with self loathe.

For a crime, we cannot identify, committed.

She reinforced her conscience with the fires of hell,

and now as a back fire she burns with guilt.

On the road of pleasure, guilty pleasure,

for abstaining, guilty desire, and for doing, guilty deeds.

At what point does the balm awaken?

Little one listen,

for you seem not to know the meaning of a crime.

Though your core-conscience is like a babe's,

that innocence might be the death of you.

You strangle yourself with un-understandable guilt,

a guilt that to us is but an illusion.

Let the real punisher do his job and be, for he has no page on you,

let the punisher be and stop writing your own self-created sins at will.

Reservoir Chronicles: The Illusionist

Her eyes sparkle every time,

but the ring of self-defense still remains.

She gives the illusion of intimacy,

but a'lass, that is but a one way street.

She hides behind Jericho's walls,

reinforced with steel.

So the hologram she projects of her life,

that which you see, is not she.

Life did not deal her a fine hand,

but all thought she took it with a smile.

Yet behind the illusion of joy she presents,

the lost and lonely broken child sleeps.

Shielded behind Jericho's walls,

guarded by herself./

Rescue might come around,

but a'lass its too dark and she too scared to tell.

So as we sit and watch her fiction,

I can't help but smile in envy.

For she steps over all the black cards,

riding on with a smile at her wake.

Yet still as we sit and watch her fiction,

I'm almost scared to breathe.

For what happens when she runs out of tape,

and the Illusionist's spin reverts back to reality?

A Lover's Prayer

I do not want to be loved by you till insanity,

Because when I make a mistake,

I am treated by the insane psychopath that

Your love has made you become.

I do not want to have you sacrifice all for mi,

Because then you would demand I give you my all,

And when I cannot because I am human and selfish,

Hell comes asunder.

I do not want to be thought of by you constantly,

Because then you become controlling,

And when I try to plan a surprise for you,

I could get shot for cheating because I can't tell you where I am.

Love mi if you must love mi, But love Him more.

Sacrifice for mi when you must sacrifice, But always for Him more.

Think of mi enough to make mi smile, But have Him in your thoughts more.

For if I do the same, we would have just the right amount to make our cup full....

Sleeping Fairy

'I want to see you tomorrow'. I reread that text.
Over and Over, Over and Over....
I close my eyes. Maybe sleep will come.
I open my eyes.
Ahh, tomorrow is here. I glance at the clock.
11:30pm.
How can the tomorrow I always dread seem so far away all of a sudden? How can it be that only 3 hours have passed since I went to sleep?
I have never waited for a day for so long. My heart throbs with anticipation and fear.
I want to see him. I want to see him now.
I am scared to see him. What does he have to say? What does he want to tell mi so earnestly by that fountain. I am scared it might not be what I want to hear. But I want to see him.
There is no sense in this. Waiting? There is no reason for all that.
I get off my bed and change.
"I'll come over in 10mins" is the text I sent him.
I change faster than I have ever before and run down the stairs.
My heart racing, My mind in a fog.
What do I say when I show up? I couldn't wait? I wanted to see you now? Too cheesy?
"Hika you up?" My mother says as I get down.
"Yes, I couldn't sleep. Want to go out for a bit" I respond.
She laughs.
"Couldn't sleep? Huni its 11:50pm."
I look at her quizzically.
"You've been asleep the whole day! I was getting worried...."
Her voice trails off....now what do I say when I do see him....

Our fears....

I sit here and watch her,
Terrified to move,
Terrified to breathe.
What if she decides this is it and we are through?
What if she decides she is too weak to go through with it?

For the first time in years the sight of the blade got her heart racing.
For the first time in years, I was not sure what she was gonna do with it when she saw it.

Alone is scary.
Lonely is sad, sadness is sad,
But alone is scary.
The darkness closes in and all I can do is watch her.
I can't help her for I fear we would both be pulled in.
I can't help her for then there would be none to help us out,
None to tell our tale.

The insomnia gets worse,
And when she drops from exhaustion,
The nightmares are unbearable.
Is there anyway to stop this?
Is there any savior in sight?

I know what it is but its hard to accept.
I know its the cycle and thus inevitable.
But I still hope and wish.
Time seems to crawl when she is at this phase,
Like that never ending road that is meant to lead home.

Don't ask her why because she can't say.
Don't get mad when she can't say cause that hurts her.
For you know not how long it took her to convince herself to do whatever.
Though there is no verbally acceptable why she can come up with,
She did think it through.
But the situation is similar to humans needing to breathe to live.
Why must we need air to live?
Just because....is her why....

But she would come out of it, this I know.
For the light is here once more,
That soft warm light at the end of the road.
Though she takes a while to figure out how to get there,
It still shines through the darkness.
She still remains sane and holds on because of that warmth.

I sit here and act as the book keeper,
Detached yet attached to her we both stand alone.
the unknown is a fear that knows no bounds,
But even greater still is the fear of one's self.
The fear of being alone.
Someone help her....help her before she looses to her racing heart at its sight....

かわいそう。。。。彼女の話。

もつかれた。。。。
一人はこわいです。かなしいとさびしいはちょっといいですでも一人はそじゃない。
今。。。。だれかをたすけて。。。。でもむりですね。。。。

ね、もし私が行きます、あなたがしんぱしますか？
でもね、あなたはだれですか？

だれか。。。。おねがい。。。。このばしょ。。。。一人は。。。。ひとりこわいです。。。。

She's back

Its so funny how my first post of the year is mi telling the world am about to freestyle a finance test!
Yes I know what you are thinking, who the heck does that? And no before you say it, am not a finance guy. lol.
Now that that's settled....
AiMi's back. Yes I know the name has changed plenty over the years, but I promise, this is here to stay. I kinda lyk it cause it still means the same thing as my real mame....lol.
Nothing writing spectacular happened over the break....well miracles did but I dont have enough space to write about all of them so....lol.
Finally decided am gonna become a writer and own travel and touring agencies. I guess the whole business thing is gonna pay off in the end. 3yrs of suffering not going to waste.
Might be going to Japan this summer....wohooo....I think....would talk more on that later.
Well, time to go play in class cause thats all I think am gonna be doing for the next hr....
but hey who kows, maybe a miracle would come around once more....

Cheers,

AiMi