Unwanted Birthday Wishes

Funny, I’ve been fine all year and then suddenly realising I am not invited to celebrate his birthday is the one thing that hurts haha. 

I guess birthdays are my fav holiday after all. 

There is something about wishing someone a happy birthday, from the bottom of your heart. Something about being able to celebrate another year, another chance. It's okay if you never celebrate before. It's hurtful when you cannot celebrate again. Feels worse than when you loose a person to death. With death, it is okay to celebrate. With life, you are actively avoided. 

Anyway, it's okay for mi to say Happy Birthday here. You were once, at the very least, a companion. Hope this day and year brings you all that you wish for. 

....Lead Mi To The Cross....

I want to come to a place where He is my best friend. My go to. My source or solace. My rock. The one I turn to in distress, in times of need, in fear, in joy, in laughter, in pain, in all things. 

I want to come to a place where His voice is what I hear before I make a decision in life, major or minor. Before I take a step, life changing or no. Before I do anything. 

I want to come to a place where I know Him, and still desire to know him more. Where I long to read His word. Where I thirst and hunger to commune with him and dwell in his presence. 

I want to come to a place where I can call him Father and truly see His work as my heavenly Father in mi. Where I know He will guide my path in love, and I know and am willing to let him. 

I want to come to a place where I believe that His thoughts and plans towards mi are for good and not for evil, to bring mi to an expected end. Where I understand these words. Where I am able to honestly believe and let go with faith. 

I want to come to a place where I can honestly stand proud and call myself his child, without the lingering feeling of guilt and shame. Where I can have an answer to the statement, 'tell me your testimony....'