The Door Way

What would it be like to hold death and life in your hands? To have a person in your arms, as they are dying. One minute they are there, the next minute, gone. The life leaves them while they are still in your arms. 
Do you feel it?? I mean is there a feeling that transcribes the hollowness that just became of that person?? Do you feel the empty shell as it looses its core, like you do when a bottle becomes empty?? Is there a difference in what you see or feel of the person one second while they are alive and the next after death??


If there was a difference, would you want to feel it?? Would you want to tell when the life is gone by the feel or rather remain in a state of unknown?? Granted its pretty obvious when a person dies, they stop breathing. But what else, aside from the heart and breathing, lets you know that life has left the building?? 


Doctors get a chance to come close to this, as they have life and death in their hands. But still, doctors never actually feel the life leave for the most part, right?? They don't hold the patient in their arms through the process of dying, do they?? So technically, they can only speculate. Sure they can tell you the feeling of loosing a patient but thats it, no??


I guess when it comes down to it, what I want to know is what does death feel like, without actually experiencing it of course. Not till I am old BGG at least....What does it feel like at the door. Not to die, but to feel death happening. 

Mi and Manhattan on the 16th

So I went to the city today, and for the time I spent there, the day, I was given a rather untraditional awakening to the reality of my relationship-status-situation. Apparently, mi not having a boyfriend seems to be a problem.
Let mi explain.
The day: Went to the city with a friend to get some work done. She then ditches mi to go see her bf in New Haven. That was part of the plan anyway and is not unusual. Anyway, I decide to walk around a bit cause there was no sense rushing back to Teaneck. Did I mention that said friend had spent the better part of the morning trying to explain to mi why she has been working so hard at trying to get mi a bf/to hook up with someone?? No?? My bad. 
Moving on.
I decide to go to the movies, randomly, and walk in. I got to the ticket counter and I said "A ticket to 'Girl with the Dragon Tattoo' please" (amazing movie by the way, I totally recommend it and am about to buy the books. haha). 
I digress. 
Anyway, the guy at the counter looks at mi and says "Girl with the Dragon tattoo, for 2?" And am like 'huh? (laugh) no' one pls.' He gives mi this "thats pathetic" look. 
lmao. I've always had a thing against watching movies alone, but this was a first for mi (and a fun experience might I add), so I didnt really begrudge him on the look. After all I was there once before. 
Anyhu, I sit on this empty row, only to be surrounded by couples, on all four sides, in a few minutes. Now I know there was some form of romance in that movie, but really now, it was no 'The Vow' or something, so why was it date night out all of a sudden?? 
No biggie. Enjoyed my movie, had my fun.
I got to the train station and am sitting down, this 50-60 something year old guy comes and sits next to mi. He says hi, I say hi back and we had some small talk. 
Then he asked where I was going. I told him Teaneck. And then he says "Oh, your boyfriend waiting for you?" (his 1st language isnt English). I laughed (at the irony that everyone picked today among other reasons) and said I dont have one. 
He goes "Why?" 
Now I would be honest, that might have been the hardest question I've ever been asked. And as hard questions go, naturally, I didnt have an answer. So I said, idk. And he says "What do you mean you don't know? Everyone always knows why" (Funny, I wasnt quite aware of that but ok....haha). 
Then he says 'Thats so sad'. lmao. At that point, with his tone, expression and etc, it really did sound like he was talking about mi having a terminal illness!! I had to laugh cause I've never really been told 'Thats so sad' to not having a bf.
And he wont let up!!
We got on the bus, he sat next to mi (naturally), and continued with the sadness of mi not having a bf, and other small talk topics. He also offered to help hook mi up with someone if I wanted (was nice enough to ask for my preference). 
haha. 
As annoying as the charade sounds, he was a nice and sweet old man, and was fun to talk to. Full of stories, when my singleness wasn't the issue, and all that. We parted ways after exchanging email addresses (by his request) and him promising to email mi (am assuming prospects as well....didn't get his words, couldn't understand). haha. He has no kids so I couldn't imagine him trying to pimp out his son(s)....oh and he thought I was of Spanish origin. haha.
All in all, a fun day in Manhattan. 

From Corner Shop #1

So at some point, in my mad state I presume, I thought I could run two blogs. Well, I obviously thought wrong seeing as running one and keeping it functioning is already work as it is. So I have decided to merge the two by transferring my posts from the other blog here. That being said, there is only one of such post, thank God. Here is one:

Hello, Hello....
So I glanced at my regular blog today and figured out, years later, that it looked more like a journal than anything else. Which is cool, except my journals tend to be super dark and gloomy. So I wondered, 'what would it be like to write a happy-go-lucky blog for a change??' I should say I am practically doing this because it is a dare and someone, no need to say who, said I couldn't do it. So, this is like an 'in your face' blog more like it. As for the Kawasaki in the background, trust Mi if I can find a way to make it a slide show of different bikes, I would pay tribute to them all. For now, it would remain as is. lol.


What to write about??
For starters, what the heck goes in a happy-go-lucky blog anyway?? I'll have to do some research into that. 
 I would tell a jolly story about my weekend though, since I have not really thought about anything else to write on here.


This weekend, for the first time, I lost an item while 'under the influence' as the adults say. My very fun randomized weekend quickly went to shit in my head Saturday morning, when I realized I returned home with less items than I left with. 
Basically, I misplaced my keys while I was wasted. I must say, that was a new experience for mi. Though my OCD self did remember where the keys were from the start, I still did not get them until today. So from Friday through Tuesday morning, I spent the time freaking out. But rather than really freaking out about the fact that I had no freaking clue what happened to my keys after I locked the door, I was more concerned about the fact that my OCD and said 'alter ego' no longer held up even when I got wasted.
For some people, this might seem silly, but for mi, it was a major problem. As far back as my drinking history goes, I have always prided myself in the fact that no matter how blacked out I get, I still maintain my usual routines: eg, bed time routines, safety routines, etc. I totally gave all the credit to my OCD nature and my 'alter ego'. Now the fact that neither could help mi with the location of my keys (which is something I always place at a specific spot before the night begins because I have OCD like that), led mi to worry that my friends might finally be right: I just might need an AA meeting. '


But no worries. Disaster was very much averted when I found my keys where I had recalled and even told my brother, in my wasted-ness, that they were located: In one of my girlfriend's car. 


Summary of this story is, I still refuse the title of an alcoholic. Would let you in on the new coined name for my 'condition' whenever I get one....lol

Game of Chance

That moment when you look down on the bed at her face and realize that there, bare and unprotected, lies your heart.
That moment when you suddenly realize, with fear, that she holds your life source in her fragile hands.
That moment hen you realize that with one squeeze she could crush your heart and cause you a unique kind of death experience. 
That moment when you realize you've decided to gamble and trust her with it anyway, because doing otherwise would be something you might regret. 
That moment when you ask her to keep it forever and she says yes, making your gamble all worth it.
That moment when you realize you might be more fragile than her, as you hold her heart in your hands.