Behind My Back came Forward.

He didn't mean for mi to hear. And he had a right to be concerned as a parent.
I understand that in my head. I promise, I do.
The problem is I heard and now I can't help but feel hurt.
This is why I'm a firm advocate for the 'not wanting to hear what people say behind your back' policy. Cause my life is perfectly fine while they talk behind my back. But it's when I hear the words that problems arise.

Sometimes

It's been a couple of weeks in Cali, well maybe 2 weeks. While I've found readjusting into the school system (the other end of it) a slightly troubling but fun experience, its the loss of complete independence that I'm having a hard time adjusting to. Coming from living alone, paying my way and getting to places on my own, to having to rely on someone for everything is unsettling. I can't live alone right now cause it's not financially feasible. I can't have a job right now cause there aren't any available to fit my time schedule. I can't go around on my own yet because driving is still a bit dicy for mi.
It's frustrating knowing that I have to ask, and essentially bother, someone else in order to get the necessary things done. I understand that they don't necessarily think that way, but I can't rationally help thinking the way I do. Makes mi wonder if it's because I feel that way (deep down) when people ask mi for help constantly, but then I know this isn't the case. I know, for a fact, that I don't think that way. But why I can't believe others are the same is beyond mi.
Academically, I'm fine. I mean I'm not an idiot. I understand that I need help there when I need it. But it's in other ways.
Like today. I bought a printer. My housemate has two printers in her room. She told mi I could use it anytime I wanted, and even offered mi the option of downloading the CD to my laptop so I can use it whenever. But I bought a printer.
It's not that I didn't trust her offer. It's just....well for one I have the 3 strikes thing. I asked her to help mi print somethings and she forgot. I know it wasn't intentional, but then I feel bad re-asking. So I don't get the things printed, and I loose out. I also don't know what the 'printing page limit' is. Or if I contribute to buying the ink....see how far my train of thought has gone?? I'm not generally that way with people I've known for 6 years and up (at least I like to think so), but it's getting to that time that is work. But then there are some people I feel I won't ever get that way with....
I think the most terrifying thing to mi or rather the hardest thing for mi is not having a job, and having to feel guilty for spending money all over again. Japan cured mi of that. I earned the money and I spent it. I also learned how to budget and things of that nature. Here, it's like a yo-yo diet. I spend money, feel guilty, starve myself of the money, then crash and spend crazy. It's a never ending cycle of insanity.
I want to get the library job. I think I can be really good if I do....or a job of similar nature....
My school does require 16hrs of therapy before the 3rd year. Maybe I can ask my therapist. But then again, maybe I'm just trying to create things to talk about with them.
Anyway I've got assignments to do and papers to write....wrong day for feeling sad....

New State, New Life, Changes

So I finally moved....drum rolls.....lol
While it's a new city, I am not really feeling the 'new town' vibe. Maybe cause I've moved around so much its not so new to mi.... But I love the place already.
Went to Japan town today, which made mi home sick/nostalgic....odd child that I am of course lol.
Have a really sweet room mate. She is quite unconventional, but not in a way that pisses mi off which is good.
Orientation starts tomorrow, and I am not even sure I am ready for the amount of work the school year seems to entail. I guess taking it one day at a time would be a fantastic way to start.
On a sadder note, I still have absolutely no idea on how to curb my spending. I mean I know I have no money, at the back of my head, but then I still find myself buying stuff/swiping my card, which frustrates mi afterwards. I need a job to balance it out lol....or an accountant lol.

Kinda tired so would have to do a proper write up some other time. Just felt like checking in and giving the highlights.

Cheers
xo