Unchanged

Tears unshed,
Tears unshedable.
Pain unmeasured,
Pain unmeasurable.
Screams unheard,
Screams unhearable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Words unsaid,
Words unsayable.
Thoughts unshared,
Thoughts unshareable.
Things undone,
Things undoable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Time unwound,
Time unwindable.
Things undone,
Things undoable.
Mistakes not undone,
Mistakes not undoable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Emotions unnoticed,
Emotions unnoticable.
Feelings unshared,
Feelings unsharable.
Death unacomplished,
Death unacomplishable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Things ungotten,
Things ungettable.
Wishes unanswered,
Wishes unanswerable.
Desires unmet
Desires unmeetable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.

Faults unblamed,
Faults unblamable.
Problems unsolved,
problems unsolvable.
Help unatained,
Help unatainable.
A heart since unbeating,
Now wrenches as a gut wound.
Yet, still remains, unbeating.

....Her letter to Mi....

Dear you,

I would tell you about my frustrations. About how I feel hopeless and impossibly useless because I cannot do anything for them who matter to mi, but sit and watch as they crumble in different ways before me. 

I would tell you about how I watch them cry in near fascination and despair, because while I want to ease their pain and help them, I still envy them simply because they are free to shed their tears. 

I would tell you about how pathetic my life has become. About how I have given up on personal 
happiness, a term I know no meaning to, and now depend on them, among others, for my happiness. Thus when they are unhappy, I am at a loss for both worlds are in disorder, as the life line saving both has been temporarily (we hope) severed. 

I would tell you about how I wish I could be with them forever. For then my fears of the dark and lonely minutes that accompany it would be eased, as I would no longer be alone. 

I would tell you about how I close my eyes at night with nightmares of the future. Afraid to stay awake for fear of my thoughts, I run to sleep and am slapped back to earth by the nightmares that plaque mi. So I wrestle with the gods of thought and dreams, until dawn comes and I have to resume as usual.

I would tell you about the terrors I feel, when I look into the vast emptiness that is called my future. No plans, no strict ambitions, not direction. Never has it been so empty, and never have I had to wrestle with the enemy called 'Unknown' for this long. There is no 'store away' box big enough to hide this and so I wake to this companion, ever faithfully, everyday. I would tell you about how their smiles and happiness and 'I love you's seem to redeem a part of mi, and I feel like I am....

....I would tell you all these things and more, but there is no you, and neither is there a thing to tell....nothing to tell, no one to tell it to....a lass forgive mi, for I have wasted your time....

She.

A funny weeping heart.

Funny how people believe we to be lovers,
though I know truly what goes on beneath the covers.
Funny how my heart stands firmly in one place,
though my emotions take every turn in the maze but the right,
all ending as the first case.

Funny how you always make mi laugh,
yet the emotion never reaches my heart.
As the fear of loosing you chokes mi like a scarf,
and paralyzed, I try to capture the moment, cause I feel
deep down it would not last.

Funny how I am always with you yet I constantly feel alone,
we talk a lot, but never seem to say anything real.
And though I know I am closest to you this side of the ocean,
it makes mi sad that that knowledge, in reality is nothing but
an illusion.

If I knew the meaning of love, I might say I did you.
If I knew the meaning of happiness, I might say I felt with you.
If I even had emotions, I might try to express for you.
But a lass to mi, these are all elusive.
And so I remain amused by the funny things I see,
from a certain funny weeping heart....

Flip Side

Sometimes I wish I was a star,
so all my troubles and embarrassments
would be behind mi.
For though men would still get to see them,
It would not matter for I would be a million
miles long gone.

But then the troubles did have their turn,
and for the embarrassments, the people did
have their fun
For though man saw them too late,
other stars watched as they occurred.

Sometimes I wish I were a mother,
and my child remained but an infant.
For then it would love mi unconditionally,
and I would not need to prove myself so much,
or try to please so hard.

But then the infant did grow,
and its teenage years did glow.
Then the sweet obsession of old,
now became a delight sometimes so
painful to behold.

Sometimes I wish I were a bird,
with no mind of my own to worry.
For then I would truly believe that all will
be provided in a hurry,
and trust alone rather than try to help.

But then the eagle flies,
and my youngs as meals die.
And I am forced to think,
and worry about what tomorrow might bring.

Sometimes I wish I was the wind,
freely moving in the world as I see fit.
For I would go and see all that my heart pleases,
without worrying about who or what the cost upsets,
or something worthwhile I must do as I move.

But then the storms did come,
and destruction did it cause.
Then the son of man searched for ways,
to curb and put the wind in its place.

Lilith's Game

There once was a girl,
who lived under a spell.
She cried up a well,
but dreamt in a shell.

There once was a girl,
Who rolled down to a cell,
She prayed the guards would tell,
but got to rot in hell..

I once knew of this lady,
fair beauty, quite contrary.
Had the pure smile of a baby,
But the deceitful heart of the enemy.

I once knew of this lady,
who sang more beautiful than the canary.
Her laugh made the males crazy,
But with a blade she produced the grand finale.

There once was a creatress,
Who built worlds of lies.
Men poured in gold and blood at her requests,
While she watched their dieing hearts try desperately to rise.

There once was a seductress,
men named the destroyer.
For they built her a fortress,
while their hearts burned in fire.

The tale of he, Seductive Destroyer

Here lays the heart of that woman,
broken, battered, bruised and forgotten.
Here lays the soul of the man,
wasted, abused and in need of redemption.
They danced with love, child of fate,
and thus their tale of woe unfolded.

Here lay the tears of that woman,
Salty, in abundance, like the dead sea.
Here flows the blood of the man,
slashed in vengeance, the cold dish of revenge.
The fueled and listened to rumored lies, child of fate,
and thus their seal of doom now resounds.

Lilith's Tale

1. Once many moons ago I sat.
And in sitting, I watched.
The vast darkness was still,
Until a crow dropped through my window's door.
Disturbing the peace.
Startled.
2. Most disturbed was I,
for the dark bird was large,
that I had to scoot to accommodate its wings.
'Are you hurt?' I asked,
feeling obtuse as I did.
Startled.
3. 'A thousand years I have flown,
seeking rest from my master.
yet no human but you has asked
'Are you hurt?' in care of my well being.
Startled.
4. My winged visitor sat up,
And I could feel the royalty.
I saw the woman,
I saw the bird,
But never did I see one on its own.
Startled.
5. I got off my seat, not sure of my response.
Never had I faced royalty,
much less one with wings.
The winged guest smiled.
Startled.
6. It was beautiful.
A smile so serene yet captivating,
A smile not human, yet not frightening.
I took a step to it then asked.
'Master you say?'
Startled.
7. It retracted its wings.
The most painful sight I did see.
Then it spoke.
'If Lilith doth tell you a tale,
would the human be opposed to a house guest?'
Startled.
8. It had a name.
Once called the bride of Lucifer.
Once called the first born of the Devil.
Once called first bride to Adam.
And this wished to tell a tale.
I wished to hold....
Startled.
9. The guest walked to I, Lilith was it?
'The tale I know of is of a seductive darkness,
One owned by the destroyer.
should you doth hear, accompany me?'
Startled.
10. Bells of warning did go odd,
But of what they warned I knew not of.
The mystical beauty before me,
was like none other I had seen.
I had to have.
Startled.
11. 'A tale of what do tell?'
My voice hoarse with the flue.
Yes, the flu.
For that it had to be.
As the alternative was Eros,
My morality shot.
Startled.
12. Lilith the being smiled,
and took a seat in my stead.
For one fleeing a master,
mighty comfortable was she.
Startled.
13. 'What is thy master?
What is thy crime?'
Morality of mine, shattered.
'A tale and a house guest are welcome,
though one room alone exists' said I,
in a voice that was not I.
Startled.
14. Lilith smiled and patted her side.
To the floor went I,
like the eager lamb to slaughter.
Voice as silk as honey,
yet of what she spoke I know not of.
Startled.
15. Night to day, day to night.
Until at last time merged with delight.
Lilith the queen had a tale,
And I the sheep gave my ear.
Startled.
16. Wings grew, blacker by day.
Man shrunk, smaller by night.
Feet ached, I looked.
Is that a feather's tail I see?
Her voice calleth,
In silk it doth did, and I responded.
Startled.
17. Master's tale was over,
and now we must leave.
I remember there is something I had wished to do.
Something of a sinful pleasure too.
But there is a journey to ascend.
Master did spread her wings and to the sky we went.
Startled.
18. Once many moons ago I sat,
lost in thoughts till fluttering feathers,
my view did bother.
At my window flew a crow,
Clawing eagerly to get in.
With a smile I rose, and my curtains did I close.
Startled.
How silly. Never did I like crows.

Resvoir Chronicles: My Protective Charm

He broke pieces of his heart and left them as we walked.
I walked behind him, sometimes beside him, and watched
them shatter as they fall.
We got to a great lake and there we stopped,
And I walked back to pick them all while he slept.

They were pretty colors of shades of red,
Glistered in the moon light for all to see.
I would have dropped them but for one thing,
Those pretty little pieces did still beat.

So sorrowful and painful was their tone,
that my heart ached and bleed for him.
So in this box I have gathered and mended,
till they now form one sorrowful beat.

I add each piece as it falls,
remending the parts he has lost.
And until that day when his heart is none,
And he comes to mi with a plea to go on.

Till that day when his heart is none,
and I must return that I have to let him live on.
Within my chains of protective charm,
shall the pieces remain locked, protected, sealed and
Unharmed.

Seductive Illusion

She sits and smiles at the clear blue skies,
In just a moment he would come by,
In just a moment she would look up and smile.
He holds out the flowers and box of chocolate,
Perfect date it seems, till she tries to receive,
and finds out when its too late.
The pictures crumble,
Her smile fumbles.
Suddenly the skies are not so blue,
His image no longer true.
The bell rings and she opens her eyes,
A tear rolls down as she remembers and cries.
Remembers once more her perfect world of lies.
Yet another flirty moment with a seductive illusion.