....On Thin Ice....

I see the cracks,
stand,
stuck in the middle,
waiting for the shatter.

Joggling glass balls,
standing on thin ice,
lightly,
surrounded by fire.

I look yonder,
they've let go.
Balls in orbit, they suspended
against gravity.

He holds them up,
humans, balls and all.
The ice remains thin,
yet it holds;
because He commands it to.

I should let go.
I should step away.
I should let Him take over.
Why can't I let go??

The New Rules for LSD: Chapter 5 (Part 2)

Chapter 5: Love Is (Part 2: Paul's list)

Before I started reading the different breakdowns, I thought I had a decent handle on the different traits. 3 sentences in, I discovered I'm pretty sure I need to work on a lot more than I thought, patience to begin with.

Love is Patient: 1 Corinthians 13:4

* "Patience is the decision to move at someone else's pace, rether than pressuring them to match yours.'
* 'Patience is choosing to do less than you are capable of, for the sake of keeping in step with someone else.'
* Pace: of understanding, making decisions, conversations, career advancement, decision/readiness for parenthood, decision to take relationship to the next level....
* Pace = decision to pause - push.
* Pace (patience) = Decision; Impatience = Emotion
* Patience isn't natural. We naturally assume our pace is the right pace.
* Love is patient: never pressures the other to move at own pace. Love defers to the other's pace.
* Love is patient = submission; putting other person first.

Love is Kind: 1 Corinthians 13:4
* "To be kind is to leverage one's strength on behalf of another."
* To be kind is to put ourselves at someone else's disposal.
* Kindness = decision; decision to do for others what they cannot do for themselves in that moment.
* Unkindness kills romance immediately. Kindness = most important in relationships.
* How do you respond to weakness in others when there is nothing to be gained??
* Pay attention to how a potential partner responds to those they perceive as weak: kind or unkind??
* Unkindness doesn't go away with the help of sex and/or a ring

Love Does Not:  1 Corinthians 13:4

"Love does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."

* Envy, boastful and pride = expressions of insecurity; they undermine the foundations of a relationship; toxic trio.
* Also kills romance.
* Expressed in form of sarcasm, criticism and public disrespect.
* For instance: Success can be threatening. The root of envy runs deeper than the current relationship always. It's not the receiver' fault.
* Envy = individual problem; not relationship problem.
* How do you react to the success of people close to you??
* If you have an issue with envy: ignore initial impulse to bring the other party down and instead choose to celebrate the individual. Don't stay quiet or neutral. Chose to celebrate. Practice in everyday relationships.
* Boast: Don't try to one-up the other person's story. Listen and celebrate them.
* Pride: Keeps us ferom celebrating others.

Dis-Honouring:  1 Corinthians 13:5

"Love does not dishonour."

* Honour: Making the most effort to be the best version of yourself; expressing value through protection (love always protects).
* To honour a person = bringing the best version of you to the table, pay attention to what/how your say things.
* Honour = submission; defers; yields to the other party (you first).
* 'Love is not dishonest' versus 'love does not dishonour' = first is an aspiration, second is something you don't deviate from.
* Honour is not earned, it is a decision.
* Honour is something love (the verb) chooses to do.
* As Christians, we are made in God's image, which automatically makes us honourable. 'Honour is not dependent on behavior but on the divine work they rests inside you.' Therefore, don't be with someone who dishonours you.

Looks like there will be a part 3, possibly 4 for this chapter :)

Chapter 5: Love Is (Part 3: Paul's list B)
.... to be continued ....

The New Rules of LSD: Chapter 5 (Part 1)

Chapter 5: Love Is. (Part 1)

* If you carry childhood notions of love into adulthood, you won't live happily ever after. 

* Using Paul's teaching on love (1 Corinthians 13:11). Walking backwards, Paul says he put away his childhood (fantasies of love) behind him when he became a man. 

* Paul's teaching: love is/does (verb). This is our 'become list':

Love is patient,

Love is kind

It does not envy,

It does not boast,

It is not proud. 

It does not dishonour others,

It is not self-seeking. 

It is not easily angered,

It keeps no record of wrongs. 

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

Love never fails. 

(Side note/ not related to book: Jesus instructs us to love our enemies too right?? That means applying this list of characteristics too....food for thought). 

* If both parties master the art of love as written above, you will get your 'happily ever after.' Sounds so simple yet so hard. 

* Whatever you hope your future partner is from the list, start working on becoming that yourself. 

* A childish thought: 'if I find someone who is crazy about me like I am about them, everything on the list will magically happen.' --> false thinking.

So what do each characteristic mean exactly?? 

Chapter 5: Love Is (Part 2: Paul's list)

.... to be continued....

The New Rules of LSD: Chapter 4

I know I am summarizing this book, but its so worth the read. I almost feel like retyping every sentence because it all seems too important to leave out.

Ps: some aspects of this summary are direct quotes. Chapter 4: So becoming.

* The healthier you are, the healthier your relationship will be. Your relationship will never be healthier than you.
* The strongest person in the relationship is forced to make up for the gaps left by the other party.
* As God created you, the ability for you (humans) to experience, develop and maintain a relationship is also a creation on its own.
* People don't get married to be fixed. They get married to be loved.
* God gave us instructions on how to have a healthy relationship in the New Testament.
* Make love a verb (a decision to do something despite how we feel): behave in love, not fall in love.
* Jesus didn't command His disciples to feel something but to do something (a new command I give you: love one another. John 13:34). But He also adds: love like He loves us (not like we, humans, love each other). I.e. Love unconditionally: love others as we are loved (by Jesus). Regardless of the other party's response.
* In a relationship where both parties expect the behavior of the other to carry the weight of the relationship, disappointment is inevitable.
* Ephesians 5:21: submit to one another (not a one way submission), out of reverence to Christ - as Christ submitted Himself to us when He leveraged His life for our sins (putting us first).
* To not submit means to invite fear. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18). Fear undermines intimacy.
* Perfect love = love expressed through mutual submission.
* Mutual submission = decision to trust and put the other person first; regardless.
* It's easy to submit to someone who has your best interest in mind (no fear/reason to resist). Conversely, someone who had your best interest in mind had submitted to you (chosen to leverage self for your benefit, putting you first). i.e. mutual submission.
* A relationship based on stand alone submission is dangerous. Mutual submission?? Worth waiting for.

Chapter 5:Love is

.... to be continued ....

The New Rules for LSD: Chapter 3

Welcome back!!

Here is the much anticipated next chapter (I'm amusing myself clearly).
The more I read this book, the more I want to give it out as a gift!!

Chapter 3: Becoming the right  person.
* Becoming the right person is how you prepare to commit.
* Right person: Are you the type of person the person you are looking for is looking for??
* Make a list of what you are looking for in a person. Would that person be looking for someone like you??
* Become intentional about becoming the person you're looking for.
* If you commit to prepare before you promise, it will dramatically increase your chances of crossing paths with someone who is preparing as well. Because preparing for anything sensitized you to meet people who share the same passion and direction. Aim for common ground that is more directional than recreational.

Chapter 4: So becoming.
.... To be continued ....

The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating (LSD): Chapter 2

Back for chapter 2 of Andy Stanley's book on relationships. Forgot to add that some parts of these summaries are direct quotes and not my own thoughts.

Enjoy

Chapter 2: Commitment is overrated.
* A promise, vow or commitment cannot replace preparation for a relationship.
* Saying 'I do' doesn't make a person capable, only accountable. Accountable - Capable = Miserable
* How do you know if you/partner are prepared to commit?? Proverbs 14:15 Examine prior commitments, look at life's trajectory. FYI, people change yes, but people can't change people. People don't change for people. "Change requires fierce in-dependence that should eventually lead to inter-dependence with other healthy people.
* If you have concerns about the direction of your partner's life, give them time and space to change. You can't be their crutch. You may loose them, but that means they weren't the right person for you.
* If you say/hear these lines, press pause: I can't live without you, I can't make it without you, I'm not sure I want to live without you, I need you (and other similar chants). These are declarations of dependence.
* Commit - not to person or relationship - to preparing to keep you commitments later.

Chapter 3: Becoming the right  person.

.... To be continued ....

The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating: Chapter 1

Stumbled upon this book by pastor Andy Stanley. More like saw it in my friend's bag and took it from her. Turns out to be more of an interesting read than I expected. Not that I was expecting it to be particularly boring either.
I've decided to do a chapter by chapter summary, so over the next few days, LSD (cause the name is too long) updates it shall be.

Enjoy.

Chapter 1: The right person myth
* The assumption - 'the is a right person for you and once you find your right person, everything will be alright.' There maybe a right person for you, but that doesn't mean finding them makes all things alright.
* Chemistry and attraction are important in a relationship. Chemistry requires time, it feels right doesn't always = it is right.
* You are sexually compatible with far more people than you are relationally compatible with. Sexual compatibility is not the test for relational compatibility. That should be the other way round. Sex can inhibit relational development, as it coulda your judgment. It is super glue. Don't add it unless you want two things permanent.
* You will be sexually compatible (SC) with the right person. SC doesn't make a person right though.

Chapter 2: Commitment is overrated.

.... to be continued ....

Happy Birthday Mi!!

27 at last....
It's my birthday today, yeaaa!!!!

Funny, this year, more than ever, I miss family and childhood friends.
I realised this a few months back, sitting at brunch with friends here. Someone else in the group had a birthday in January too, and there was a lot of discussion and suggestions for what to do for the birthday. No mention of mine.
To be honest, it didn't hurt then as much as it hurts now. Mainly, because in the last 72hrs, I've had a number of people ask mi 'what do you plan to do for your birthday.'
Odd.
For the first time in my life, I am faced with that dilemma. And now, even more, I miss those who know mi best.

But it's my birthday so nope, I can't be sad :)

I am grateful.

Grateful for the life I've had the privilege of living till now. Grateful for the opportunities and blessing that have been bestowed upon mi. Grateful for good health, shelter, food, an appetite, working body parts, parents, siblings, friends....truly grateful.

I don't know what the rest of the day will look like, but I am at least grateful I don't have to work today and can continue my annual tradition of having my birthday as a public-private holiday. I love winter because my two favourite holidays - Christmas and Jan 3rd - fall in the season.

Here is to a wonderful and spectacular new year, filled with lots of heavenly surprises, laughter and happiness!!

Here is to mi at 27!!

Happy birthday Mi!!!!

xoxo