Fire

So because someone has now become an official Fcktard tonight, I have to sit here and count sheep or something through what is threatening to become a resumption of painful agony. The lighter wont work, and I sit here trying to breathe through all this, when it could have all been over ages ago with a quick match. And don't ask Mi why genius fcktard over here cannot ask someone, any freaking person here since this is smoke central, for a lighter because thats another book.

The depression would hit in the morning, and then I would have to baby sit. Which is another thing I blatantly would love to avoid. Why do I have to be the one with both the care and don't give a shit emotion when it comes to her? I wish she would just drop all....oh gosh, I wont be able to handle it if she cries. The damn would break and a nervous break down would be even closer....

Breathe....Breathe....Breathe....Breathe....

If she had the balls, she would have started off with the one she all but stalks now, but lets face it, the rationalization that one must first love one's self in order to accept love or care from another was invented with her as the foundation. So that would not be happening for a while. And I know my current loathsome feeling is not helping the situation, but it cannot be helped.
I wanted it burned dammit!

But why won't it work? The more she tries, the closer the tears come and the more frustrated i get. It is glued shut, and without a clear reason for this, her frustration is unfathomable at the moment! Please help. I need fire tonight or there would be a different kind of burning, one that she, and maybe Mi, might not survive or recover from....