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....her own world....

Weird is the very nice description you would get;
different would definitely be a good one;
metaphoric would make it to the top ten list;
but a thorned-rose best describes this blog.

Disclaimer: (Art above is not mine)
This blog might be a bit depressing for some, emotions might be stirred, feelings affected, questions left unanswered, etc. Viewer discretion is advised.... If you don't like what you see, don't comment. Just close the tab and it won't bother you anymore. :)
Mi

30 Sept 2011

My love language

Saying it has been forever is an understatement, but wow. I think its a good thing though, no?? 
I used to run here for solace, so the fact that I don't write as much anymore could mean I've either grown, have less problems to deal with or maybe just gotten too lazy.
lol. Whatever the case, I am back I guess.


Just finished reading Dengeki Daisy. 
There are many reasons I love this manga, but I guess the main one is the fact that they wrote each other. 
I think I am weird (save your comments on that).
Unlike most people, I find talking to people a chore. I'd rather write it all. I mean ya sometimes talking is necessary and all that, but I wish people would write mi more than call for instance. I'd like to hear your voice once in a while, but it would be better to write to mi. 


Like with Ryo.
Don't get mi wrong, talking to him every sunday is actually fine. I understand that he is busy and its a huge sacrifice having him wake up at such an ungodly hour just to talk to mi cause of the time difference. I really do. Its just, I miss the emails. I miss the writing and the descriptions. 
Maybe I am just too lost in fantasy. Or maybe its the fact that am listening to some really suppy music right now. 
baa.


Oh I am in new Jersey now. New school, new place. It almost feels like freshman year all over again. But this time, I care less. Does that mean I've grown up more?? I am bored though. So very bored. Wish something random and different would happen in my life. Maybe I should get a kid, everyday would never be boring I think. lol. But no, life needs some spice.. Like how last semester's little drama occurred. Don't get mi wrong, my masochism doesn't extend so far that I enjoyed the pain I felt or want to relive it. But it was something you know?? I felt it. I was hurt, thought I would die from the lack of breath and the pain in my chest and all the hurt, but I felt it. 


In the time that it was occurring, all I could think about was the pain. But looking back, it was something different. I wasn't bored. It hurt and I felt like shit but it was something outside my boredom. Yes, contrary to what many people believe, he was not my boyfriend. In all logical sense I should not have been affected like I was by what happened. But then at the same time, my reaction was perfectly logical. I am not happy about the outcome, I mean regardless of appearances, I did loose him. But that was going to happen at some point, it was only a matter of time. Maybe if I want to be honest, I could say deep down, after all said and done, I was sort of relieved the reason we separated was not because of mi but because of him. It probably hurt just as it would have if I had been the one to cause the separation, but my secret was safe. Maybe I took the coward's way out, or maybe I was saved cause there was nothing I would have done about what I couldn't say or act on.


Ah, I deviated. 


I wish I could be more honest with my words. Maybe thats why I hate talking. Sometimes I feel like a compulsive liar. Too scared to say the truth and face the outcome, I'd rather write it out and not face the reaction head on. Idk if thats just a sad and pathetic excuse of a coward.


Anyway, I think I am getting depressed enough to need solace once more. So as my other half likes to say, ただいま。

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