Fair v Unfair

Funny how I ask to leave, at the appropriate time, and I get turned down. But then when it becomes too hard for everyone, like I thought it would be, when it becomes too congested for everyone, like I knew it would be, they all decide, maybe now is the time to flee. They all decide maybe being together is no longer conducive, and leaving is a good idea. 

Cute right??

Did anyone ever think it might be hard for mi now?? Did anyone ever think making mi stay when I didn't want to, making mi try to make it work when I didn't think it was a good idea, then telling mi to let it go might be just a little bit overly emotional for mi. 

Cruel she said.

Ya, maybe I'm cruel. Since in the end, I'm the one who is called cruel. In the end, I'm the one who needs to make random explanations. In the end, I'm the one who has to apologize to make everyone feel better. In the end, I'm the one who has to let it go and try and make it better. I do get hurt, but in the end, it doesn't really matter cause I'm the cruel one. 

Its my fault though. I'm the one who keeps expecting so much from people, I'm the one who gets hurt when that expectation is not met. I'm the one who trusts infinitely. I'm the one who gets hurt when that trust is broken. I'm the one who accepts all friends, and I'm the one whose friend gets told, in so many words, she is un-welcomed. 

I'm the one that pushes everyone away. I'm the one alone, like I knew from the start. I'm the one thinking 'maybe I could have endured a little bit, maybe I could have pretended I was fine for a little longer'. I'm the one that keeps writing and conducting the research on the fact that 'everyone leaves'.

I'm the one who is always right.

This time, before and probably next time.

Funny thing is, I'm still the one who would be asked what went wrong, held accountable and blamed, I'm still the one who would be called 'selfish' in the end. 
Maybe I really am selfish.
Maybe I really am cruel. 
Maybe I really deserve to be put here over and over.
In the end....

It's all mi in the end. 

lol, I should stick to South-east Asia, at least I understand them a little better.