Wednesday.

So the surgery is Wednesday. For something I e been praying, hoping, begging and wanting, it's a little odd to mi that I am not as excited as I thought I would be. Maybe it's all the external drama going on around this time.... Well partly. On the other hand, I would be lying if I said the stigma, real or imagined, has an effect. So many what ifs cross my mind. What if people don't understand why?? What if I don't feel better?? What if this makes it even worse and....what ifs. I guess the biggest thing is being unconscious and out of control for so long. Blackouts, medical or otherwise, has never sat well with mi.
But it's scheduled and I'm leaving it in God's hands.