At 2am...

So am terribly freaked out about the fact that there is a really fat chance - fat chance being the key phrase here - that I might be getting something far from an A in my Calculus this semester. Well that is pretty messed up, considering the fact that I got everyone so hyped from my last result, and I would possibly be bringing them all crashing down with a loud bang this coming result. You have to forgive me if my sentences are not in accordance to the English rules and all, am pretty tired, and in dieing need of some sleep here.

I just read one of my friends blogs. Well I won't exactly call him a friend, I mean we simply went to High School together, never really talked there or afterwards, except on night last year or so, which is a story for a different eve. Anyway, he went on and on in this one blog about this girl that he had a crush on, and for some reason it made me think of my emotional stand point right now. lol. Emotional stand point. I sound a little retarded. Moving on. I am actually starting to get extremely bored with the state my life has been so far, and I have been thinking of some way to get it all hyped up you know. I mean the whole me falling for a guy right now cant work and would be so bloody inconvenient, but I was thinking of playing a match maker again for some reason. I do get a high from slightly negative suspense that I, or another genius at such, creates, and it wont hurt to have some fun now would it? K before the moral police force begins to attack me, by negative suspense, I mean doing something sneaky with excruciatingly perfectly laid plans, and watching it unfold. Lyk when people plan the perfect robbery and watch their master piece take action in movies for instance...lol... I mean there are really very few feelings that can beat the one you get when you have a perfect plan, and watch others try to crack it. Don't get me wrong, nothing in life can be perfect. But then when you have a plan with a flaw, and you alone can actually identify the flaw, is it not considered perfect in the eyes of the rest of the world?
I should probably get to bed now you know. Have so much outstanding shit to get done, don't even know where to begin. My calculus assignment is threatening to be the death of me, and I have an English paper to get done. So you do understand why I am stressed out, and totally incapable of doing one more school related work. I so badly want to travel and play right now, its not even funny. I know it is not sensible to have plans for your future that are simply made up of fun, risks and games to some people, but what then is the point of living, when you cannot wish to redo things or smile about things, because of the high feeling you had when you did them?
Some people think I am crazier than the average human being is, maybe I am. But in the words of Merilyn Monroe, even though she was definitely not famous because of her words, "imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it is better to be absolutely ridiculous, than absolutely boring!"