Ok I think there is something wrong with her right now! She permanently wants to cry, and when thats not happening, she feels the need to spill her guts and life history to everyone and anyone around her at that time (poor them, screw mi) and then I have to listen to the 'why the hell did I just say/do that' speech that follows...like oh barely 10 seconds later!
What. The. Fuck???
Its sad watching her sad though. I think what happened is someone tried to open that box, maybe she did, and then realized too late that it was a bad idea. Sure the box is sealed closed now, but the thought of the pain in there alone is what is eating at her. And I think and shudder at that thought. If the mere thought of what is inside the box makes her so, then what would happen when the day finally comes and the box must be opened? I have more bets on a funeral than on a redemption here...
But can you blame her? I know even I cant give you a straight answer to that. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. But one thing is for sure though, until the air is cleared again, there is no way to help her. There is nothing to say that would make the pain go away. Only way to go is forward with words. So until the air clears, standing still is the only thing I can do. So I have to sit here and watch her bleed herself internally, and pray and hope she doesn't say so much shit that I have to make her bleed on the outside as well.
Now if only I could tell what started this, it would be easier to say 'it won't happen again.' But we both know that's all bull. And we both know that's what makes me sad the most.
What. The. Fuck???
Its sad watching her sad though. I think what happened is someone tried to open that box, maybe she did, and then realized too late that it was a bad idea. Sure the box is sealed closed now, but the thought of the pain in there alone is what is eating at her. And I think and shudder at that thought. If the mere thought of what is inside the box makes her so, then what would happen when the day finally comes and the box must be opened? I have more bets on a funeral than on a redemption here...
But can you blame her? I know even I cant give you a straight answer to that. Sometimes I can, sometimes I can't. But one thing is for sure though, until the air is cleared again, there is no way to help her. There is nothing to say that would make the pain go away. Only way to go is forward with words. So until the air clears, standing still is the only thing I can do. So I have to sit here and watch her bleed herself internally, and pray and hope she doesn't say so much shit that I have to make her bleed on the outside as well.
Now if only I could tell what started this, it would be easier to say 'it won't happen again.' But we both know that's all bull. And we both know that's what makes me sad the most.
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