Does that make mi Horrible??

In all my years, I have finally come to realize something. I am not good with distance period. Not just in relationships - boy/girl ish - but in general. With friends, family, humans in general....and I guess that is a bad thing. Its almost like 'out of sight, out of mind'. I guess its because a while back I got accustomed to the philosophy that everyone leaves, and to protect myself from getting hurt, I let them go as they do. Yeah I gather it is totally selfish of mi to do that, but at the same time, isn't everyone selfish in some areas?? Doesn't everyone who tries to protect him/herself have an element of selfishness in them to have that accomplished?? 

The question isn't if I am or am not right now, but if I want to do something about it. 

And my answer is I don't know.

For one thing, a relationship is a two way thing. So if you notice i am pulling away, albeit unintentionally, and you let mi go, doesn't that make my philosophy proven then?? But at the same time, there are those people who do try to keep in touch....but still I feel the relationship slipping away. 

But at the same time, there are those people who I have had a completely long distance relationship with, and we are still fine. So does that mean they are more important to mi?? I'd like to think not....

....Weird huh....

Mi and relationships is like going to see a good movie. Even though you don't want it to, at some point, the movie does come to an end. You walk out with mixed feelings. A little sad it is over, but then you smile as you remember the good moments. And though the movie is over, you will always smile when you think about it. Doesn't that mean the movie is important to you?? Does it make it less important than the series you watch continuously?? No right?? I mean they are both types of 'screen shows' but they are different. 

I dont know, I guess am rambling. Partly cause I thought of a few friends I have not kept in contact with and felt a little guilty. Also partly because I am at a cross road in life and everyone is looking at mi and waiting for mi to make a decision. And I am sitting here wondering if it is okay for mi to be selfish in my decision. I mean in my head I understand, but in my heart, I know I want to be selfish. I guess I learned the hard way already that ultimately, I control my own happiness. Shouldn't it be okay for mi to choose what makes mi happy, despite the fact that others might not like it??

Does that make mi a horrible person??