Delight??

Nothing excites me anymore. 

I lay awake at night cause the prospect of sleeping is unappealing. Yet as the morning dawns, I wish the night would go on some more because the sun comes with a new day I have to engage with and socialise. 

I'm not sad or depressed. I just....am

That I may delight in your word....

What does that mean?? More specifically, what does it mean to delight in something?? Take pleasure in?? Now I don't remember what that feels like. At least not for an extend period of time. 

How are you??

Dread that question more and more recently. I don't know how to answer. "I'm fine" sounds like a lie even to my ears, and always comes with a follow up question. But it isn't exactly that I'm not fine either. I mean I don't think it is. 

Rambling. 

My reality distractors are no longer working. Feels like I need to "up the dose" to get my fix. But I've gotten to the max for all current vices, no motivation to seek out others so here we are at the stand still. Everything feels effortful. My immediate thought is "too much work." 

I wish I was into things that granted euphoria. 

Ah, there it is....my revolving companion....free fall. 

xo