The Question of Loyalty

Loyalty.

I've never given much thought to the boundaries of that word, never had much cause to honestly. Until my experience this weekend. In summary, simply because I have no desire to rehash the upsetting affair in full, my friend's bf was verbally disrespectful to mi in public, and her response was to "stand in the middle" so to speak, not taking "sides". In the moment, I didn't think much of her response or lack of one thereof. I was more interested in going home and removing myself from the situation. But then once I got home, showered and had my second favorite ice cream, I had the mental space to be upset at her, and the word loyalty began floating in the air.

First off, i think regardless of the circumstance, there are no grounds for your bf to be disrespectful to your friend. You, as the common factor, are responsible for (for lack of a better word) checking him, as being disrespectful to your friend(s) is the same as being disrespectful to you. The reverse - friend disrespecting boyfriend - is also true.

Second, loyalty came to my mind because I have consistently been asked since -  do I want to remain friends knowing fully well that he will remain in her life and that I do believe she had the same "sweep it under the rug/no one was at fault" style response to both of us??
But then again, is it fair/"loyal" to cut off a friendship because of a boyfriend?? Ah, but many a relationships have died for less.

I think what bothered mi the most was that she continued to excuse his behaviour, as she tried to explain the situation and apologise for creating a situation where we (bf and I) would interact, as we have "opposite personalities". Does being a objectionable pass as a personality then?? And what personality does not clash with that?? Saying we disagreed due to "opposite personalities" makes the event partly my fault, and that is frustrating as I don't think saying I don't want to wait an hour in line just because a location had great reviews when we were already pressed for time, tired and hungry, warranted the come back I got. Also, she had previously stated that he was frustrated with her, but because he couldn't speak to her in "that manner" (the manner with which he spoke to mi), he carried out his frustrations on mi....so it's not an issue of "opposite personalities", but childishness/poor emotional regulation then??

OK, I guess I am still very much upset by the event. But I don't even have the energy to engage in "fixing this", and as my default is to let go and walk away, I'm sitting here contemplating, albeit ambivalently, as she plays pendulum between the two of us. I'll let you know what I decide once I get bored of sitting.

Alright, rant over.

xo