50 Shades and Other Colors: Rated R (2)

Where were we?? 

The third book.... as far as waste of time, space and precious computer space goes, this book takes the price there. A more expendable piece of literature is yet to be published. There was absolutely no point to the third book. Nothing was said or done in this book that could not have been said and done, in a concise number of pages between book one and two - which could also have been cut short to maybe a 20 or so paged thesis-like paper. I think I read about half of the book, skimming over most pages on the way. And for some absurd reason, its the longest of the three!! I love how their are so few sex scenes (at least in the parts of the book I glossed over), compared to the first two books. Like James got bored of her own writing - which I totally understand. There are just so many 'out of this world' positions you can create at a stretch. The one thing that could have been entertaining - the connection between Christian and Hyde - was, oh so splendidly murdered by the wonderful writer's anti-climatic skills. Nothing could have been more of a let down than 'we lived together'. I think its spectacular though that Christian, with the photographic memory from his childhood, conveniently forgets living in the foster home where he met Hyde. I'd be pissed too if I were Hyde lmao. Of course the ever-water-working Ana holds back a sob, on cue.
Meanwhile, what were those last few pages in the book about?? Bonus material?? lol

 I swear E.L James wrote a really long fantasy diary and split it in three. She had to get every page published somehow. 

Now an overall picture.

First off, and least problem of all, is that I was thoroughly offended I had to use a dictionary every couple of lines in this book. I didn't realize I knew so few words in the English dictionary....or understand why she had to use more sophisticated words than necessary....
I think the most incredulous thing I've ever read, has to be the contract Christian handed Ana. I snatched up my glasses, a pen, paper and navigated to wikipedia for a thorough understanding.

Ps, I now have some very useful knowledge, incase I am invited to a gathering of Doms and need to make small talk. 

After careful examination, I concluded that Ana, though she was a virgin until Christian, must have been a proper whore in her past life to have considered signing that contract in less than....what was it a week?? I mean did you see that list?? Even if you wanted to experiment and all, isn't the norm one at a time?? How do you consent to EVERYTHING in one go?? lmao And as for Christian's 'hard list', just how depraved is he to even think of some of the things on that list as considerable options to begin with?? Electrocution and fire?? What are we talking about here exactly?? Is he trying to say someone has asked him to do that before and he decided it was not for him?? What do you do sexually with electrocution?? Fire?? Do I want to know?? 

And just out of curiosity, is it really that enjoyable to get your boobs played with?? (I am genuinely confused). Ana seems to have morphed from a different specie, in my opinion, cause she finds it a little too good to be true.
The time frame in this book is ridiculous. After a week, Ana is going on about wanting more and etc....five weeks latter, he proposes and they lived happily ever after. At what point does reality step in?? I mean he is/was a Dom for crying out loud, one week can't be enough time to change all that I would think. Unless he wsn't as die hard as we all feared. 

Nevertheless, after knowing a man for 20 seconds, I think it is outrageous, down right rude and narcissistic of you to up and ask him to get rid of his lifestyle and give you 'more'. I mean all he wanted - as per the contract - was 3 months in the hay (I love that arrangement btw. 3 months and then we review if you were good enough in bed and etc.)

While I found the new discovery of love and other things most adorable, it gets to a point where you are like 'get a room please' and want to haul the book at the wall. The third book especially, is like being trapped in a room with a couple of sickly-in-love newlyweds, for no apparent reason - as I have stated above. 

It's exasperating to read 'I love you' every two lines, they have the same fights over and over, make up the same way over and over, basically, the story becomes a drag. That feeling you get when 'you are constantly forced to be the third wheel when your really good friend gets a boy friend and insists you all hang out together cause she feels you would be lonely otherwise' comes to mind. 

Then there is the fact that Ana feels the need to cry every time she thinks about the 'love' she has for Christian. Seriously. Once is adorable. Twice, mm ok cute. Three times, get your shit together please. If the love overwhelms you so much, then please by all means kill yourself and let us all be spared. 

It would also be nice to get some things left to my imagination - as per feelings. There is no reason for her to voice EVERY single thing she feels/express it all. It makes the book read like eating a very unhealthy bowl of sugar syrup. Puke sweet. 
As for the words 'Oh (insert name here), I think I've heard/read enough to last a long time. Do people really talk like that?? Really!?!? 'Oh Ana', 'Oh Christian'....(death by hanging). Ana is the worst when it comes to all this mushiness - between her sudden waterworks  sessions and her need to over-romanticize and analyze everything where he is concerned - and I thought I over think things. Hearts and flowers really is the definition for her. 

Also, her lack of understanding for modern technology is quite preposterous. For instance, in the 21st century, there can't be one person out there who, does not have an email address - and is a college student. Even if you'd rather write letters or send an owl, I am pretty sure the school expects students to have a school email address. So why was Ana perplexed when she was informed she had an email address (which should have had the word 'new' attached)?? Is it such a shocking occurrence?? 

Now, just how hard is it to get used to being rich?? I mean it's not that she, Ana, was broke before they met or dirt poor, so why, pray tell, is she always borderline depressed when it comes to 'their' money?? Yes you are from a humble background and etc but there's a limit. Plus what's with the constant 'it's over the top', 'how much was it' et al when it comes to presents?? Did she ever hear of the words 'graciously accept'?? After a while, I was sure she was just faking. Its ok to gasp when you see the price tags on things - which by the way, aren't you expected to take the price tags off when you give people presents?? Why, for instance, was her entire walk in closet still price taged?? Since he has no regard for money (has more money than sense - only sentence I loved), shouldn't be a problem if she didn't want the clothes. They could have donated it or something). 
I digress. 
As I was ranting, its ok to gasp when you see the price tags, but after dating the guy for all of 30 seconds, and he tells you he earns $100,000 per hour (erm what by the way?!?!?), you're just being unnecessarily dramatic, and a borderline if you continue to complain about him spending money. Crying 'woe is me, woe is me. My boyfriend is a mega-zillionaire and likes to spend his money on me' on the streets is liable to get you shot, revived, drowned, revived and then buried alive. 
Stop with the attention seeking please, its just unladylike.  

I think the spectacular thing is that Christian stayed true to character - fkd up till the very end. That at least was the most realistic aspect for mi.
Random thought, grammer check, an editor and a kind truthful friend would have gone a long way in the betterment of this tale. I didn't want to admit it, but I can see where the 'its a book about sex' comes from. Rather than a story with a lot of porn in it, its incredulous porn with a storyline instead. Thats probably why the scenes and conversation are so unbelievable.

Also random, what the hell is the 'great room'?? I got the names for most of the other locations in the house, but great room?? Why??

I could go on, but I think basically, what I have been trying to say is, I could have lived my life happily without reading this Trilogy and been just fine. For those wondering, if I didn't have OCD, I would not have been compelled to get to the last page....it was a headache trying to do otherwise. Once I start something, I have to finish it. 
Next time though, I shall be sticking to my instincts Thank you very much. I will not pick up a book just cause it was recommended.