*Spoiler Alert
Yes, I succumbed, for lack of a better word, to the pressures of the world around mi, and finally read the 50 Shades Trilogy. As my usual outlet for frustration declared that she wants nothing to do with this, I am left with this avenue as my only offloading site. To keep this from becoming a long monological rant, I'd try my best to summarize. Right then, lets have some fun.
Shocked, dumbfounded, bewildered, exasperated, irate.... and other similar adjectives come to mind when I think of the first book. My common sense and logic were assaulted off the bat. Needless to say, the first book was a huge test on my sanity, patience and morality. I think it is quite unrealistic how easily Ana accepted the entire proposal though. I mean for someone who had ABSOLUTELY no experience/interest in men, she managed to fall head over for the most extreme guy in the entire North American continent and in such a short time!!
Then, I am nowhere near a veteran on the whole sex thing, but is it actually realistic to go at it like 12 times in a day, at the very vigorous rate, and have as many orgasms as they seem to!?!? I'm almost sure rabbits, with their Guinness book of records rate of reproduction, won't beat this. And quite frankly, it gets boring. After the first two, I started skipping scenes. It became an 'ok ya, I get it, lets move on'.
Some of the scenes/positions were just impossible to visualize. I'm a very visual person, so if I read something like 'he throws me over his knee, puts his legs over mi, shifts mi to the side then...' (paraphrasing horribly here), the image that comes to mind is far from sexy, comfortable or....you get the picture. There are some parts where I sit and try to stick figure the scene in my head just so I get a general idea of what the heck is meant to be happening - and I can't. Take the piano scene for instance (wrong book but just making a point), how exactly was that scene played out?? my understanding of a piano doesn't allow for all that movement and effortless sliding. And where does the satin come from?? It would have been helpful if real people were used to practice these many imaginative positions, just to make sure the human body can actually contort and stay in said forms.
And wtf was that whole tampon scene?? Right after the word 'tampon' came into view, I skipped to the next chapter. There really is such a thing as too much freaking information - even in a book. Please stop, just nasty. We understand that Christian has reached beyond the bottom of depravity when it comes to his sexual prowess, but that chapter was very unnecessary in reemphasizing said point.
Some of the scenes/positions were just impossible to visualize. I'm a very visual person, so if I read something like 'he throws me over his knee, puts his legs over mi, shifts mi to the side then...' (paraphrasing horribly here), the image that comes to mind is far from sexy, comfortable or....you get the picture. There are some parts where I sit and try to stick figure the scene in my head just so I get a general idea of what the heck is meant to be happening - and I can't. Take the piano scene for instance (wrong book but just making a point), how exactly was that scene played out?? my understanding of a piano doesn't allow for all that movement and effortless sliding. And where does the satin come from?? It would have been helpful if real people were used to practice these many imaginative positions, just to make sure the human body can actually contort and stay in said forms.
And wtf was that whole tampon scene?? Right after the word 'tampon' came into view, I skipped to the next chapter. There really is such a thing as too much freaking information - even in a book. Please stop, just nasty. We understand that Christian has reached beyond the bottom of depravity when it comes to his sexual prowess, but that chapter was very unnecessary in reemphasizing said point.
Though I think she could have wrapped the entire story up nicely into one book, the second story comes closest to the word interesting. There is the build up for the reason behind his wondrously fkd up self, Kate finding out about her best friend going from virgin to professional whore in less than 16 days, and all the meant to be juicy stuff to come. Unfortunately, my joy was rudely snipped shot by the very anti-climatic way everything went down.
His reason for being 'Fifty Shades of Fucked Up' as he so eloquently put it, was because his mum was a crack whore - I use said term because Christian made it a point to only call her that for three books straight - who let her pimps beat him as they saw fit, died and whose body was not discovered for 4 days - with him locked in the same room. Granted, thats pretty messed up, but for all the build up, that was quite the let down. Don't get mi wrong, thats a pretty fkd up start to life, but the way the story is told and with the anticipation, you get an 'and then' felling....like there ought to be more to it than just that. Did he get sold?? One of the pimps tried to do something to him?? Idk, something....
His reason for being 'Fifty Shades of Fucked Up' as he so eloquently put it, was because his mum was a crack whore - I use said term because Christian made it a point to only call her that for three books straight - who let her pimps beat him as they saw fit, died and whose body was not discovered for 4 days - with him locked in the same room. Granted, thats pretty messed up, but for all the build up, that was quite the let down. Don't get mi wrong, thats a pretty fkd up start to life, but the way the story is told and with the anticipation, you get an 'and then' felling....like there ought to be more to it than just that. Did he get sold?? One of the pimps tried to do something to him?? Idk, something....
Then the gorgeous Kate.
One of the few times there is a need for some apt reaction, E.L James simply stops, making the scene oh so anticlimactic.When Kate found the contract, her reaction has to be the most half-baked portrayal of shock/anger I have ever read. I mean I don't know about other people, but if I find out my best friend, who has had no interest/experience in men, is suddenly seeing some guy who requires her to sign a contract - the likes of Christian's - I would have more than 'two sentences' to say about the issue.
She could have used that opportunity to smack some sense into Ana, do us all a world of good.
As long as this book isn't nominated for some Nobel prize or literary award....I guess there is still some shred of home left....
....Intermission....
One of the few times there is a need for some apt reaction, E.L James simply stops, making the scene oh so anticlimactic.When Kate found the contract, her reaction has to be the most half-baked portrayal of shock/anger I have ever read. I mean I don't know about other people, but if I find out my best friend, who has had no interest/experience in men, is suddenly seeing some guy who requires her to sign a contract - the likes of Christian's - I would have more than 'two sentences' to say about the issue.
She could have used that opportunity to smack some sense into Ana, do us all a world of good.
As long as this book isn't nominated for some Nobel prize or literary award....I guess there is still some shred of home left....
....Intermission....
0 comments:
Post a Comment