My Raven which isnt mine...

The raven flew away from me today again. He looks so beautiful and pure, that from a distance, it hurts to watch. I want to touch it and be close to it, but I fear each time I take a step closer, it seems to retreat from me even more. It flocks around with its own kind, and the truth in that hurts my heart. Do I wish to come over to your world?
Nay it is not that I wish for, but for you to come over to my world.
The raven has smiled again today. It is so sad that he smiles, yet when I look closely I see sadness in his eyes. What is it that haunts you so? Nay, I know it, yet I am chained and cannot help. I am a coward, this I know, so I am doomed to stay away and watch him play with his kind. I am doomed to stay away and watch him sink deeper and deeper. This is my punishment for being so weak.

Sometimes I want to yell and fight them off. I want to yell
"Don't touch him! Don't touch my Raven!"
Yet I realize even that is wrong. And this realization ties me down too. I have no claim over him, so I have no right to call him my own. In all fairness, they have more claim to him than I do, yet I cannot help but feel an ache in my heart when I see them with him or see him alone, as I know he is but in search of them.

It is not as though he does not know of my existence, it is more like he knows, but I do not come to him. Th Raven would not come to me, because he does not venture away from his kind. It is a lie to say he loves everyone as he claims to, because no one who says that with a smile is for real. In his eyes you can see the truth as clear as day. In his eyes there is a shadow there that makes me want to pick him up and draw him to me. In his eyes you can tell that this present him is but a shadow, and that there is the real him locked inside. What made him run and hide? What turned the tables for him? I want to ask these things, I want to be the one to know these things, because some how I feel as though no one else can tell. No one else can tell that this is a shadow of the real Raven.

Yet I know this would not do.
And this realization plagues me daily.

The Raven is away from me for now, but soon he shall return. He shall return to that spot where he always stays, within my eye sight, yet out of my reach. It is not love that I feel for this bird, as sadly, my heart in that sense has gone cold. Yet I long for it. I long to be close to this bird so much so that is hurts my frozen heart. Is it wrong that I want him all to myself? Aye it is, as he is for all, and I was called to find him by my master. But still, I wish he would play with me. I wish I would be the closest one to him. Yes I know, this is a selfish thought, and this as well keeps me from moving. The Raven is different from other birds, even his kind, because when I look at him, I feel as though he and I are kindred spirit. Is it the loneliness I see in his eyes mirrors that which I feel, isthis is why I am drawn to him?
The Raven lived today and smiled I am sure. With this distant light, some balm is spread on my aching heart.
Me and the Raven together even now, is but a Phantom of my imagination.